The Two Codependent Personalities: Why You Need To Know About Both

In this episode of Heal The Hurt podcast I am going to share the fascinating polarity of the two codependent personality types and the characteristics of each. Codependency can be characterized as living in one of 2 extremes.

On one extreme is the under-empowered and at the other end of the spectrum lies the falsely-empowered.

Discover why the rarely mentioned falsely-empowered codependent requires just as much of empathy, understanding, and help and many times gets confused for being narcissistic.

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Hi, I'm Kenny, a Coach, YouTuber, Podcaster, and Author in Phoenix, Arizona. I make videos about the strategies and tools to help you heal from emotional hurt to elevate your life. I'm an advocate for truth, healing, and personal responsibility.

[charlenejacoby]

My god?!?! I knew codependency wasn’t solely overly empathetic. This was my identity… I’m a victim and others take advantage of my kindness. In reality I’m filling my worthiness void with the gratitude of others.

[angeleyes]

One thing I've learned is admitting things doesn't make you separate or bad or defective! It's so freeing! The burden of trying to be perfect is gone..

[alleynejoelle]

"I have been abusive to my children." OMG you are so good to video yourself saying this. It is helpful. I asked my mom to open up her mind to the fact that she has contributed in her way to the problems in our relationship (that I'm not the sole culprit), and she couldn't. Parents making snide, sarcastic passive aggressive jabs at their children is highly problematic. It deeply hurts. The child has to shoulder the "blame" that they made you say it, they deserved that comment.

[deenique]

It was soo painful to watch this, i hv to admit that i am the overempowered codependent, closed off alot.been completely alone for a year now, i really want to connect but for me 1.i dont feel like its safe for me to open up 2.im always scared that once i do commit or fall in love that the other person would just turn on me and i would be trapped with a narc.

[rebekah]

Appreciate your self-awareness, sincerity, compassion, and humility.

[guenthermarschall]

Hello Kenny. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this video. The idea of co-dependency in both directions (over and under empowered) has just about blown me away - in a positive sense. It clicked in my head a few times while watching the video. It fits sooo well with what I'm currently discussing with my therapist (balance between autonomy and connectedness). And thank you also for your open words about yourself - I don't see that as unprofessional, on the contrary: I see your authenticity in it and find it exemplary. All the best for you, peace!

[taylora]

I’m a millennial female over impowered. Because I’m so detached I never saw myself as co dependent. I’m so grateful to have clicked on this video!! I feel so validated thank you & god bless you!!

[RedMambaYard]

This video doesn't show us how disfunctional you are. It shows how much presence, honesty, patience and work on ourselves it takes to proceed along this path of change. THANKS FROM THE HEART for allowing us to watch ourselves from the outside. 🙏

[donnao]

I love what you do and I take away something from each video. I think that codependents live their whole life, living just under the radar. We’re never sure who we are and never want others to find out who really is behind that mask.

[susanmartin]

Kenny, I always thought the overpowered Codependent was a Narcissist..Thank you so much for Explaining this ! I was the Perfect Child to get Love, Exhausting !! Again Thank you for EXPLAINING ALL the Perfectly Imperfect !! People ❤

[gailmulligan]

I soooo appreciate your own vulnerability. How refreshing from my psych, who never shared anything about herself for almost 35 years, and was like a parent to me. So wrong.

[vickiespencer]

I am so glad you pointed out that we can swing back and forth between under and over empowered. That's me. This is all very helpful.

[mirinabourbonnais]

This is an awesome video!Everyone used to tell me I was too nice. I went to therapy and learned it was my way of dealing with my own traumas. When I started to put my boundaries in place I was all of a sudden heartless. So I let myself become totally unaffected. I wasn't. Deep down I was severely affected and had to learn how to be more balanced. I went to CODA with my narcissistic mom as a child, and so its been a triggering experience to become more honest with myself about my own reality of who I am. I love that you're all about reality and honesty. Its been the key to working things out with my traumas. Love your work! Thank you for these awesome tools!

[Usernameblahblahnblah]

I had no idea what an empath was until a few people labeled me as one. I started researching and I felt convicted. It seems like a term being tossed around as though it's something to be glorified. I don't want the glory and don't need the glory. I don't want people attaching themselves to me and looking for me to give them life. I'm not God, nor do I need the recognition or glorification as though I am God. I'm a human who has been broken and hurt by others but I don't need or want to he on a pedestal because of my trauma. I want healing and freedom that I've only been able to find in Jesus. Everyone and everything else left me depleted and empty. I want restoration and it most certainly doesn't come solely from people.

[masteringfibromyalgia]

I am learning so much from you, thank you for your generous videos explaining this!!

[HighPriestessEmpathTarot]

This helped me put some crucial pieces together, thank you! I love your transparency. It’s refreshing. Because at the end of the day… we are all perfectly, imperfect, as you humbly break it down 🙏🏼

[HolisticManifesting]

I love your transparency. It's truly appreciated.

[unbecoming_]

Thanks so much for your vulnerable sharing. It's really great in that you become our stepping stone to healing. I was in therapy last year and felt so incompatible with my doctor. She had some type of grandiosity, and I felt a bit judged. Also, thanks for pointing out these realities that we are so oblivious to. I agree. Once I admitted that I had secondary gains from being an empath, it was an awakening. Lol at the illusion that sometimes I know it all. Today, I practiced not instructing but coaching, and only when asked😉. I'm catching myself, it's oh so beautiful and yes, I am starting to enjoy this process. It's fun. It's life's lessons. Challenging yet fulfilling. Scary too 😳 oh and there's funny aHa moments 😄

[mattconway]

Superb video @kenny! Knowing you can vacillate between over and under powered codependent is a great and helpful distinction. As is starting out as overpowered and switching to underpowered when a relationship is secured.

[simev]

11:21 Isn't being detached an avoidance behavior to keep that deep hurt from resurfacing?

16:52 Your show 'n tell moment is quite disarming for being so brutally self-revealing. Maybe getting the social media attention can be very intoxicating. Quite human.

28:04 This is really a messy state of mind verging on vertigo. No disparaging intended.

36:17 '...the healthy adult can take information from all sides and navigate....' That's the work I need on myself.

All in all, this is a full plate buffet to digest. The intricate nuances that are described here have opened up a whole new perspective for me. Thanks.