10 Things Adult Children of Narcissists Secretly Long For (But Never Talk About)

In this video, I talk about 10 things adult children of narcissists secretly long for but rarely discuss. Understanding these hidden desires will help you recognize the emotional void left by their upbringing and the deep yearning for connection and validation. This empowers you to acknowledge these needs, seek healthier relationships, and start healing the wounds of your past.

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Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC, has helped 10,000s of people heal from family dysfunction and become the true self they were never allowed to be. As a family systems and self-differentiation coach, he leverages 45 years of experience to help clients permanently break free from family-of-origin dysfunction, cultivate healthy relationships, and build a strong sense of self.

****DISCLAIMER: THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED TO SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. BE SURE TO CONSULT A PROFESSIONAL TO HELP YOU INTEGRATE AND UTILIZE THESE CONCEPTS.****

[jerrywise]

Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇

[PotsandPansWhatsPotsandPans]

I'm so sick of their performative caring, which is always only when convenient for them and how they want to give it rather than what you might actually need

[leecolebatch]

It was only when my mother died when I was 65 that I gave myself permission to be me. But I had spent so many years being what I thought anybody in authority wanted me to be that I still don't know who I realy am. It's a good thing my dog loves me whoever I am😊

[AngelWest]

When I finally set a boundary w / my family 8 years ago they couldn't deal w/ it. They tried everything including violence. That was the beginning of my road back to myself. Blessings

[sue]

I disassociated constantly through childhood so I never got to find out who I was. I wasnt there.

[MLP]

Sometimes it feels like such healthy relationships do not exist

[Boababa-fnmr]

Yeah. We seek from others what was not given to us as children. But grown up life doesn’t exactly work like that, and it's problematic for us.

[Strawssie]

Children of narcissistic parents find themselves in a situation where they desperately need to heal their trauma, but at the same time they don’t know what they are without it;

They desperately seek love from others only to realize that they first need to learn the skill of receiving it.

[annchurchill]

Honor thy father and mother is demanded, but not honor thy child.Always respect your child, listen and undertsand as best you can.

[amussukk]

After listening these videos, I finally understand why my life has been so difficult. I have had narsissistic mother. Very little love, punishments verbally and hitting me. All those difficulties what you speak have been in my life. Anxiety, poor self esteem etc. Thankyou very much.

[RondaHenderson]

My parents were both narcissists, when my father died in 2020, I barely cried. My mother has dementia and her narcissistic tendencies are way out there. Having to be nice all the time is exhausting. I may cry a little more when she goes, but I will finally feel free of the horror of my childhood. It sucked!

[hula]

It is true. For example, I was seriously ill. My RN told me to go to the ER. I didn't believe that I was that sick. I went into the ER. I had kidney stones. The ER doctor was like, "Good thing you came in." I was busy taking care of my mother. I didn't know how to take care of myself. Lesson learned.

[bassocantante]

Jerry is causing a paradigm shift in the collective spirit of mankind, truly the most precious gift is you Wise words!!!

[jamesowen]

My parents were always telling me what I didn't want, couldn't do or achieve, didn't feel, didn't see or didn't hear, and what I wasn't entitled to feel, think or want.

[KimFuller-fhbw]

The hardest part is not knowing how to have healthy relationships and being avoided/judged because I picked up on their traits.

Everything here is spot on!

[SuzannaLiessa]

"We seek from others what we dont give to ourselves."

I've been learning a lot about this. Sometimes it's hard to give to ourselves because we've buried both the need and the idea that it's valid so deeply we dont know it's there, much less what to do about it.

Dealing with it can be complicated, because saying or acting on the idea that our needs come first can do anything from earning us mild disapproval to bringing down a burning hell of people who believe we owe our time and energy to everybody else first, taking only the scraps - if there are any - for ourselves.

[LR-yumx]

It was a wonderful day to me when I left that home.!

[dameanvil]

- 00:23 💔 Emotional Struggles: Adult children of narcissists (ACNs) often carry unmet emotional needs and long for safety, autonomy, and authentic connections.
- 01:01 💬 Emotional Validation: ACNs desire relationships where their feelings are acknowledged, as their childhoods lacked emotional validation.
- 02:34 🛠️ Autonomy Sought: They crave independence and the ability to make choices without guilt or control, a stark contrast to their controlling upbringing.
- 03:31 🚧 Healthy Boundaries: Establishing clear boundaries becomes vital to counter blurred, enmeshed boundaries experienced in childhood.
- 05:30 🤝 Mutual Relationships: ACNs yearn for genuine, reciprocal connections free from power imbalances or manipulation.
- 07:35 🌟 Strong Sense of Self: Building a distinct identity apart from parental influence is a crucial recovery goal.
- 08:51 🌊 Emotional Peace: They desire calm, predictable relationships, learning to tolerate stability after chaotic upbringings.
- 10:09 💪 Confidence Rebuilt: Reclaiming self-worth involves overcoming feelings of inadequacy instilled by critical parenting.
- 11:11 🔓 Freedom from Guilt: Releasing guilt and shame instilled by manipulative parents is key to personal liberation.
- 12:47 ✅ Validation Needed: They seek acknowledgment of their lived experiences and self-trust to counter past gaslighting.
- 14:10 🌱 Healing the Cycle: Recovery focuses on breaking familial dysfunction, achieving emotional health, and embracing their authentic selves.

[gracecase]

This video hits hard. All true. At 53 years old still learning these, my narc Dad is still alive at 90. Thank you Jerry. It is difficult to find our path, but I am taking my life and power back. Peace is the most important right now.

[GilbertFleming]

Feeling that you are not good enough is a learn belief! Thank you so much for that