Healing Parent and Adult Child Relationships (Part 1) - Dr. John Townsend

Dr. John Townsend helps parents of adult children to understand common ways parents and children contribute to a rift in the relationship – and how each should set boundaries and respond to the challenges in a healthy way. He addresses breaking the cycle of family dysfunction and encourages forgiveness and reconciliation where possible. Finally, he encourages people to take their troubles to God to find emotional and spiritual peace and freedom.

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[suskelleykelley]

Not to sound arrogant but I enjoyed telling my first born I loved him and always made time for him with daily hugs. 10 years ago when he was 28 yrs old we had a minor debate over nothing big. He told me he was cutting me out of his life and not to ever contact him. Every Holiday I spent time crying and missing him. I felt very depressed and often prayed he was ok. July 2020 I got a call and was shocked hearing a voice saying Mom this is your son and I never stopped loving you and he wanted me to forgive him for being so cruel. Ofcourse I burst into tears and more tears flowed hearing a toddler voice saying. Hi Gamma. Hi Gamma. My son informed me it was my grandson who was 4 years old and never knew about him. I was so over joyed

[mariamdiop]

I am not a parent. I'm actual an adult child looking to better my relationship with my mother and i'm incredibly grateful for everything Ive learned 🙏

[joycarmen]

Let’s all pray for all families in the USA! I’m struggling with this too and I’m shocked at how common it is!!! Satan is really attacking our families! Let’s fight back with prayers!!❤️ We have the victory in Jesus!!!

[patricethomas]

I’ve made a lot of mistake especially being a very young mom myself. I had three kids at the age of 21 and was still very immature myself. I’ve apologized to my kids over and over for years. I’ve tried to just listen to them and support them. But it still a struggle for them to completely forgive me. I’ve built bridges over Ana over. From phone calls to lunches to deep conversations. To constant reminders of my love for them and more. And it still seems to be a struggle. I think what hurts me is we go through long periods where it feels like things are going in a positive direction and then I’m hit with more conversation on how I’ve made them feel or hurt them . And that’s what’s hard the emotional rollercoaster I’m on.

[michellejohnson]

Thanks so much for sharing such helpful information. I believe because of the cancel culture, my 26 year old son has decided to cut me out of his life as his mom and friend at this stage of our parent/son relationship. I was really looking forward to the friend part of having an adult child. My heart breaks daily. I am truly grieving the loss of my son and it is so much harder grieving someone who is still alive verses my parents who are both in heaven. I pray daily for my son.

[lisavaden]

Please start a prayer chain that i reconnect with my son 🕊️💫👍

[FreeSpirit]

Sometimes it's more work to maintain relationships with adult children than it was to sacrifice & raise them.
Finally, I have to stop trying, live my life, be happy.
The ex huzz, their father treated me with such disrespect, no courtesy. He taught my children, by his example that I'm of low value or no value.
This shaped their attitudes toward me. They may or may not realize this. It stopped mattering to me a few months ago. It was a painful realization; to let them go, it took a lot of soul searching to arrive at this decision. I feel an increasing peace since then.

[jclilstar]

Thanks. God is restoring my relationship with my two adult kids by teaching me to love my kids and give advice when they are asking for it. Also I'm learning even as they are not serving the Lord right now for me to love them and let God do the rest.

[nkolemwaba]

The problem with some parents is that they see any kind of disagreement as rebellion. You could literally be quoting bible verses or even agreeing with them but as long you're not mimicking or they don't understand their reaction is violent or abusive because they equate any sort of independent thinking with disrespect, ingratitude or demonic rebellion. Sometimes the situation is hopeless not because their is no solution but because the parent is unwilling to take any kind responsibility for anything the have done. They refuse to acknowledge the damage and they are dismissive of any hurt they have caused. And you're right about manipulation. Imagine a parent initiating the conversation you the way you have suggested only to dismiss, attack and curse the child when the child shares their valid grievances based on true events. It's like the parent isn't building a bridge because they want to heal the relationship, they are trying manipulate the child so that they can continue to mistreat and control them. This is a wonderful episode and I'm praying that every adult child and parent who are willing to do the work will see this..I'm also praying for those of us who have to accept that things will not change and it's just a cross that we have to carry.

[cynthiastinson]

I wish they could talk about how relationships can still be strained with our elderly parents. There is so much pain still.

[giosolly]

This is great, thank you. I grew up with an abusive father, and even at 92 he continues to abuse. He uses spirituality to condemn me, despite the fact that I care for him, have given of my time, finances, resources and more. I have come to a point where I can’t be around him anymore. It’s traumatizing and depleting.

[debramillion]

My youngest son went to college and changed so much. He became so liberal and lives in California. He and his wife weren't able to have children. He cut me out of his life 2 yrs ago, which is the last time I heard from him. He did it because I'm a Christian and for my conservative beliefs. It hurts my heart so bad, but I continue to pray for their salvation. I raised both of my sons to respect ppl and was a single Mom, but had 4 failed marriages. I am alone now and my oldest son does keep in touch with me. But my youngest has pretty much abandoned the whole family. I don't know what else to do, but pray.

[janetmalone]

I can tell that Satan is working really hard to destroy families. He’s definitely at work trying to divide my relationships with my adult children. Thank you for this.

[rebeccaschroeder]

I am a 40 year old daughter who has not spoken to my dad since the passing of my mother December 2021. My dad is an addict. I have 7 children that I have to protect because I wasn't protected when I was growing up

[sjones]

I do believe that the elder in the relationship has to take the lead to repair the relationship. It took me nearly two years to reconnect with a lost adult child but eventually we worked things out.

[brad]

Timothy says these broken relationships are a sign of the times.

[OffGridDreamLife]

My daughter’s and I were so very close throughout their childhood…but both of them as adults have cut me out of their lives. The first complaint from my youngest is that she did not have an “overhead light in her room and she had to use a lamp.” I was a single parent and even fostered kids on my own for about 5 years. I’m still in contact with most of my foster children that are now grown and we are all still close. ‘Please pray’ for my daughter’s and I to be able to come back together and heal. What cuts the deepest is that I wasn’t allowed to see my grandchildren for about 3 years and it’s very limited now. I just don’t understand how it all went so wrong.

[tracyd]

There was a very bad incident involving my grandson and a step-grandson. I prayed about it overnight before I reported it. My son then stopped letting me see my grandson, and my ex-daughter-in-law started letting me see my grandson. For whatever reason, I have no idea what is going on, she has not allowed me to see him for a year. He is 10 years old. Both of them have stopped responding to texts. My home was the only one where my grandson got one-on-one attention. Please pray for us in our situation.

[lisacadman]

This is so heart breaks for the moms and dads who are suffering through this!

[tinamallin]

Parents and children should never be separated or disconnected communication is vital in saving lives ❤