How To Deal With an Estranged Adult Child (Practical Advice that Actually Helps!)

If you have an estranged child, you may be experiencing sadness, anxiety or other negative feelings. I hope that my message today brings you some hope and comfort.

So many women in our community and around the world are dealing with the sad reality of having estranged children. Perhaps there is just a distance and lack of communication or something more dramatic and sad.

If you are one of the women who are going through this experience hopefully this video will give you some guidance, kindness, and understand. There is no judgment here. We are here for each other. You are not alone.

Are you dealing with an estranged child? What positive steps have helped you through this difficult time? Let's have a conversation!

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#HavinganEstrangedAdultChild #SixtyAndMe

[jmc]

One of the most difficult parts is the shame. Waiting for ppl to ask about your family, Xmas is the worst. I feel like I have to hide, as if spending Xmas alone is shameful somehow. I feel if I tell the truth there’ll be judgment…..that I must’ve been a terrible mother. This is a life sentence, and I really don’t know what crime I’ve committed. Mistakes, certainly, but no crime.

[missmoxiemaesmith]

It’s been 4 years since my daughter has talked to me. I sent her a card letting her know I love her. That was last summer. No response. I love her and I pray for her and my grandchildren… Most of the time I’m ok, but there are days I cry and cry. Thank you for this

[Saffron]

I think there is a time that you just have to let it go, and accept the fact that things are the way they are. There are a lot of terrible mothers who have devoted children. Then there are those mothers whose children want nothing to do with them, even though they have been the most loving and nurturing mothers. Sometimes, they will come back to you, and other times not. With regards to the grandchildren, they will be adults one day, and their parents will not have the same control over them. There is no shame in not having your adult child not wanting to be in your life. My friend's daughter has cut ties with her, and she just tells the truth if people ask where she is. You can't make someone be who you want, and you can't make someone want to love you, or be in your life. Love the people that love you.

[notthathoneybee]

The most tragic thing is the lost time. All the days and years that could have been filled making new and happy memories are destroyed and nothing will bring them back. The opportunities to heal wounds, to understand each other and discover, perhaps, truths that aggravated the adult child´s childhood yet they are unaware of. Those opportunities for clarity and explaination are gone forever for the parent has been thrown away and has no chance to reveal aggravating factors that were at play at the time and the adult child is unaware of. And, even sadder, is I don´t think they will every realize it until the parent is long gone. The heart wrenching pain they will never know unless it happens to them. And the funny thing is, no mother every wants her child to go through what has been done to her.

[diana]

If they don't come back during a pandemic and family deaths - they're not coming back. Hopefully my grandchildren will come looking for me someday - and I'll be here for them.

[jenniferl.]

I'm an estranged daughter. I finally cut ties because she took over my wedding, was racist, wanted to be part of everything i was involved in screamed at me when i waved my own bank account in my 20s (didn't get one until my fiance in my 30s said "her behavior isn't normal.") She used physical punishment against me until i was 20. I explained in an email the issues and my mom said "none of this happened".

If you're an estranged parent, you cannot dismiss the issues your children bring up. You may not remember any of it, but this is the stuff that sucks with us. We remember. I will never forget when my mom told me to "just smile" in response to telling her i felt like harming myself.

Listen to your children everyone. Do not discount what they say. Just because it's not a big deal to you doesn't mean that your words don't affect us. If one of your friends told you "you've hurt me", would you tell your friend "too bad, i didn't think it was a big deal. You need to buck up." I don't anyone would say those things.

[animallover]

Not saying sorry, not waiting/wanting them to come back, not bitter, not angry, no longer sad. 15 years is long enough to be ignored. My life is now very different & I am truly at peace.

[wendywilsoncprcontemplativ]

I bear no malice or resentment. It's just that I am too old to live with covert narcissism, lies, manipulation, and abuse. What years are left belong to me, and the day I made that decision was one of the best of my life. It was like a huge load was lifted from me. I am free to use my voice and be my authentic self. I wish I had done it years ago. It has been my experience that by 'Mom bashing', kids absolve themselves of responsibility for their own actions. Turn the page. You don't deserve that abuse.

[ignatiusequality]

Every child is born with a desperate need for their parents to love them.

I was abused by my parents as a child, and then gaslighted by my abusers, as if the abuse didn't happen. I tried desperately for the next 30 years to win their authentic love that would never come. In doing so, I abandoned myself. In adulthood, that self-denial (which was necessitated by my abuser's gaslighting) became too toxic for me to continue living in that state. My abusive parents - who were still lying about the abuse - had made it a binary choice: i had to end the abusive relationship with them or perish. I spent 2 years working with therapists to prepare to go no contact in a way that respected both my parents and myself. When i went no contact, i told them it was so i could heal. They said sorry but it was clear they had no intention of changing their abusive behavior. I tried reaching out from time to time but they were still abusive. Its been 4 years since our last conversation and Ive been able to heal my heart because of that time apart. I don't expect to speak to them ever again and I am at peace with that. Why don't I miss them? Because I never actually had parents, I had abusers. No one misses abusers.

If you abused your child, please do the self work to heal your own internal emotional wounds. It is difficult, but possible. Only then will you be able to interact with your child in a healthy way. And all children want desperately to be loved by their parents. Showing them that this is important to you as well, even late in the game, will make a massive difference.

Good luck to you.

[terribell]

It is good to know I’m not alone. Although I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone. Thank you so much for this video. After 11 years apart this time and 7 years prior I’ve moved on. Always part of my heart even though she wishes to not be a part of my life. Hugs to all the other moms like me.

[carolphillips]

My suggestion is to put your adult estranged child into God's hands - pray for them and your situation - he is the best equipped to deal with it.
Leave it in his hands and walk in peace 🙏❤️✝️

[deeheglie]

People tend to judge the parent : "there must have been SOMETHING you even if they don't say it. (Which is why a lot of us don't share our pain about missing our child to other people } You know, sometimes it's really not the hard part. We deserve to be happy and let go and not blame ourselves for our children's decisions. It does not necessarily mean we were failures of some kind.

[littlemissy]

There is a time to straiight up realize that you don't need to be badly treated, and enough is enough.

[susanodonnell]

It's incredibly painful, profoundly gutting, to miss your adult child so much. Like many of you, I know I've tried everything to "fix" this. Honestly, I don't even know what's broken -- other than me right now. Hugs to all of you feeling the same.

[newmoon]

I had to learn this truth in my heart.
Now learning to walk this out in my life....
"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option." -Mark Twain

[Lezlie]

Best video Ive seen on estrangement. The heartbreak of being cast away from a child you adore is endless. I need support for this awful situation and don’t know where to find it. This situation is the most embarrassing and shameful of my life. I was a loving good Mom. The good Ive been and done has been recast as evil. The pain at times is unbearable.

[pamjones]

Thank you for this. I have an estranged son and I am so glad to know I’m not alone.

[dls]

My parents were far from perfect, but I can't imagine ever cutting them out of my life. I am an imperfect parent myself. Compassion and forgiveness grows for my parents everytime I make mistakes with my boys.

[sportsman]

First shock, then disbelief, then panic, then horror and deep sadness, then anger along with deep sadness. After that, you pick it up with some resolve. Grief is important, don't deny it. Do fill your life with other people.

[elizabethhardin]

I'm having the same situation. My heart goes out to all of you, because I know how I feel. I don't wish this hurt on anybody.