Why do I get jealous of my friend having other friends?

I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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[yeri]

i get jealous because i fear being replaced

[SkylerJade]

Okay, I thought I was the only one who gets jealous when my friends have other friends. I think I just get too attached. I should probably figure out why...

[teadiary]

I don’t mind my BFF having other friends, I just don’t like feeling second place

[xthecrazybutterflyx]

I really struggle with feeling abandoned when my friends have other friends. Thanks for making this video. I am going to use your suggestions in a blog or maybe even vlog entry.

[pumpkin]

this friend thing is a big problem for me i was soo embarrassed even to talk to anyone about it i just thought i was crazy but this helped to know that I'm NOT the only one that has this problem Thank you Kati!!!

[karold.]

I get so jealous when my BFF has friends she always needs to post about them and it’s like when we have convos it’s usually”, Gtg do homework!” But 3 minutes later she posts screenshots of her and her friends texting something funny ( Btw she and I moved schools) she never really posts about me but always says”, We’re like sisters! I’m never gonna leave you! I promise!” But sometimes I don’t believe what she says...

[iwantmypnkshirtback]

I have a huge fear of abandonment and I feel like I only have one friend sometimes... I never get to see her since she moved but I'm always trying to get reassurance she isn't leaving me. She tells me she'll always be there for me but I start to feel her slipping or giving up on me. Especially if we don't talk much or if i am the one to have to start conversations. I tell myself she doesn't care about me. Is this me pushing her away before she has a chance to get rid of me? I fear I'll be alone without any friends and it's scary.

[Hello-wruj]

I get so upset about my friend even mentioning another friends name that a hurt myself

[youbetterbelieveit]

I don't exactly get jealous of her other friends, I get jealous that she takes her other friends to have fun, but she doesn't take me. I have always had problems with anxiety and how I look so I feel like maybe they just don't like me because of how I look or act.

[summerjanee]

Me and my best friend have always been super close. But recently my best friend has this super close friend and they’re always FaceTiming and idc we just kinda aren’t the same and it makes me feel so jealous :(

[soph]

I'm jealous of my best friends best friend because she keeps giving me sly notices that my best friend hates me, only talks to me because she feels sorry for me, and loves her so much etc. Then doesn't let me talk to or hang out with my best friend leaving me alone (my biggest fear) then posts how amazing their friendship is all over social media, while I'm literally sat in my room crying for what seems like no apparent reason.

Rant over.
God save you if you read that.

[janicejones]

I found that I was getting jealous of my friends having other friends so I talked to my therapist about it. We decided it was a need that I was having for a little attention from my friend and I didnt know how to ask or that I could ask to spend some time with her. It's a hard thing to work through but in the end you will be a better more stronger person with better boundaries. Her other friends dont always bother me but once in a while it does get to me and I start not trusting myself.

[Orthodox.]

Hi it's not our fault to be jealous
Cause those persons made us think we are unique for them and important ..and somehow this inside us changes when that person make us feel no more that way! It's simple

[yasaminestarr]

This is helpful. I'm having a problem right now with my "best friend". And I'm pretty sure I have anxiety and depression, but I don't know for sure. Don't know how to get help because I'm young and I'm kind of scared to ask my mom to take me to a doctor

[manaiamask]

Me too for some reason I get mad and I'm always the senior oh attention

[butterscotchwm]

This is an old video, but I sought this out because I recently spoke to a counselor about these strong feelings of jealousy I have whenever my coworkers talk to each other without me. I don't know why, but for some reason my mind makes a huge deal about it when I'm sitting there working and my coworkers are chatting amongst each other near by. It really sucks when this particular co-worker I like starts talking to other girls. Sometimes I have to get up and retreat to the kitchen or bathroom so I don't have to see them. It's super lame and irrational, and I never really thought about these things as "triggers" for me until my counselor pointed it out. We briefly went through my past friendships and realized that I have a history of friends abandoning me, or choosing other people over me, and it's lead me to have bad thoughts and bad feelings. My counselor suggested I talk to a therapist to help me work through this, but I'm the kind of person who'll try and fix it myself before finding someone else. We'll see what happens... Thanks Kati!

[kaitlynwalker]

I have a girl I've always thought was my best friend and another friend recently they've been getting really close and they won't invite me places or just say like "we didn't think you'd want to go" sometimes even planning right in front of me. I always get so jealous of friend 2 because what makes her better than me, why can't all three of us be friends. And it's hurts because friend 1 always talks about how much she cares about me but will lie to my face. I've always been a jealous person but it's because always the replacement friend no matter who I'm with. There is always someone better than me and I really can't take it anymore, it's just so awful when you feel completely worthless and the people who are supposed to care don't even care a little.

[marysilvergirl]

I was really encouraged when you said be patient about changing your core beliefs about yourself. That could apply to so many things! I really needed that shot of encouragement today so thank you so much.

[nk]

I must say, having a friend who constantly tells you off for having other friends and who constantly gets anger at your success is extremely uncomfortable and personally has made me so anxious, like I have to constantly walk on eggshells to not upset her, or I have to dim my own light in order to not trigger her. She refuses to take accountability for why it’s so hard for her to make friends. Grown adults are allowed to have friends and friendship groups outside of any individual friend, without having the fear of being scolded like a child.

[katherinep]

I never had a true BFF so I'm always ready if an acquaintance stops hanging out with me, lol