The 6 RED FLAGS You Need To Avoid In A Relationship! (WATCH OUT FOR THIS!) | Esther Perel

Psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world.

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Whenever I get the chance to connect with Esther, I always learn SO much from her. No matter where you’re at when it comes to relationship status, the things we cover in today’s conversation will help you develop a deeper, more loving relationship with yourself – which is where everything else stems from. And now, let’s jump into Episode 1,277 of The School of Greatness!
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[TakeBackYourMind]

Not taking responsibility for their actions!! If someone can't take responsibility for the things they do and say, you'll never be able to have healthy communication and grow with that person.

[janiecepoush]

My Auntie’s Ambivalence, Born 1917, taught me: Don’t marry someone for the Things that you LOVE about them - That’s Easy! Marry someone for the Deficits that you can Accept & Still Thrive Amidst!
🙏🏻💛🕊🍃

[katarinatomic]

This woman is so smart, grounded and eloquent. She is not advertizing toxic positivism and easy solutions. Life is hard, relationships are hard, let's face it and do what we can to make it all as good as it could be ❤

[angies]

"I could tolerate the lack of security better than I can tolerate the lack of freedom. I understood early on that I wil be self-employed. I can tolerate not knowing when the next check is going to come from but I prefer that than someone is telling me when I take a vacation." speaks for me ❤

[Dd]

When she talks about relational ambivalence she's talking about rupture and repair. Many therapists will say that "we never fight" is actually a death sentence. Real couples fight. It's part of being authentic. They just fight better - we talk about our deep fears and learn how to be careful. "Misattunement" is inevitable in relationships, and part of being human. True love and empathy have a lot more to do with understanding and forgiveness, rather than aiming to be perfect. Pia Mellody says "fall in love with someone you respect enough to criticize." Someone who can hold your anger and your sadness - both are valid and necessary emotions. True love is flawed. It's broken and put back together, and stronger each time. But it rests on a foundation of secure attachment - love may be "conditional" in the sense that we accept each other as we are in the present moment, but more broadly, love is unconditional in that we accept each other as always changing - the key part is always re-attunment - can we "find" each other again (emotionally) when we inevitably disconnect. The sad part is, many couples have never "found" each other emotionally in the first place. You can't go back to a secure attachment that never existed in the first place. Secure attachment must be built and maintained, otherwise it's insecure and destined for failure.

[eleniandreas]

'See how your partner is in social situations' thats pure gold 👌❤️🦋

[ThiaOmega]

Her art of communication is superior.
What a fine teacher.

Thank you.

[CandaceJDunkley]

A committed relationship is not just about a love story but a "life story" Love that! Thank you Esther for your insight and Lewis for doing the interview. To the person reading this, you deserve to have a partner who you love and can have a beautiful life with. I wish you a life of growth and manifestation where you become the person you want to attract. You deserve the beautiful life you have been dreaming of. Okay time for me to go back to watching this interview. It's good!

[marie-noellevoisin]

I like how this host listens to his guest in such a respectful and considerate way :)

[filmwithtalia]

Esther Perel is one of the GREATEST WOMEN ON EARTH!! Thank you Esther, we are so grateful for you sharing your knowledge so powerfully!

[simpstr]

Relationships help you to be who you are. That is the best sentence I’ve ever heard.

[Apollo_Blaze]

Staying single by choice is a very peaceful, happy and uncomplicated life. Not having to deal with someone else's expectations is Freedom.

[selfretired]

Personally, I tried Jealousy on once and didn't like how it felt... so I took advice from someone else and focused only on the quality of my own time spent with that person. Instead, my intention is to always be Me... and manifest my own relationship with that individual.

If I start to not like how I feel, I give myself space from them to recalibrate.

[elvansavkl]

I love how Lewis takes notes with such an innocent face like a school boy.

[version.c]

My personal Opinion: Only one complaint! I love this show but the click-bait titles are really hard to get past... I find myself avoiding many of your videos because the titles are such turn-offs and I think these titles really cheapen the impression of an otherwise fruitful and meaningful interview. I am always pleasantly surprised with how much valuable knowledge is shared. Truly life changing stuff happening here. Sad that it's masked with bad taste marketing. It's quite a contrast to your authenticity and I fear it may repel authentic people away from your beautiful content! Thanks for reading!

[iamgoddessoflove]

Relationships are about trust, so if you find yourself having to play detective all of the time, then it is time to move on.
💙YouTuber That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships

[jennifertejada]

I want Esther to analyze those of us who find her talks on you tube and listen obsessively to every thing she has to say and read all her books, buy her bundles and generally can’t get enough. I kind of think that when you’re in a tough spot in a relationship these things that resonate so much feel like hope. You see it all and see that there is a way out. And the hope acts like a balm. I also think if I listen hard enough and long enough this wisdom will become mine and I’ll have the ability to apply it in those moments when it’s so hard.

[human_]

Is she an angel disguised in a human form? Its just factual and unbelievable that priceless things are always available without a price. These gemstones of priceless wisdom in here are what every human should strive to pursue. Honestly speechless.

[JupGem]

Perel’s points make so much common sense, it’s kind of crazy these outlooks aren’t ….well, more commonly considered!

[corinabalaceanu]

Lewis, thank you for bringing Esther back on “School of Greatness”, she’s one of my favorites. 🙏
I just love Esther’s way teaching the ABC’s of a healthy conscious love relationship, especially the difference between love and desire, they have different frequencies. ❤️💜

I agree with her that unconditional love is just a myth in an adult romantic relationship.
This kind of love is possible just between a parent and her child to raise, protect and teach the child in a safe environment.
Between 2 responsible adults we should have a reciprocal, give and receive, conscious love relationship.
There’s too much abuse in the name of love in lots of current relationships due to old conditioning beliefs “we’re together forever till death will draw us apart”.
I mean who came up with this drama trauma kind of unhealthy relationship that opens the possibility for lots of suffering and misery?

Have you heard about that saying “ Happy wife, happy life” that’s stemming from pretzeling people pleaser behavior and eradicates any kind of autonomy and growth, hence “I lost myself in that relationship ”.
Or the old belief “we’re not happy but we’re staying together because what people would say” or “we’ve already invested so much in this marriage and going on separate ways is too scary because it’s the unknown”. Human mind has been programmed to assume the worst case scenario to keep us in survival so mitigating the reality for a different possibility has not been taught in school. 😁
And that’s how our kids model our relationships and perpetuate generational emotional trauma.

We’ve got to unlearn, discard and delete old conditioning view regarding drama trauma bond kind of relationships and be willing to learn, grow and evolve within a healthy conscious partnership through openness, honesty, transparency, curiosity, vulnerability, playfulness, compassion, kindness, peace and joy while maintaining autonomy and freedom in an interdependent relationship.

You know how good mental and emotional health feels like?
Joy, inner peace and satisfaction.

The ultimate question to ask ourselves is: “What’s actually truly important to me ?” and listen.
What we’re doing afterwards is solely our choice. 💜🙏