The 16 RED FLAGS You Need To Avoid When DATING... | Matthew Hussey

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In this week’s brand-new video, I invite you to play a game with my brother Stephen and me as we dive into a topic everyone’s asking about: red flags and amber lights (or “yellow lights” depending on where you live).

While I’m guessing you’ve heard of the dangers of red flags, amber lights can be misunderstood. In fact, they can do one of two things: they can either reveal a major compatibility flaw between you and the person you’re dating, OR if appropriately handled and resolved, they can bring you closer together and even be the making of your relationship.

This is not the case with red flags, however, and when you ignore them, you do so at your peril.

P.S. Be sure to stay until the end, where I give you information on how you can attend my upcoming Masterclass, which will be laser-focused on “How to Spot Red Flags in Early Dating.”

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[agirl]

my red flag is when the guy says “i feel like i don’t deserve you” from now on i will not be opening Pandora’s box 😂

[Revolution-tlwo]

17. Signs that they are either a Dismissive Avoidant or Fearful Avoidant attachment style
18. React inappropriately when they don't get what they want or when you tell them no
19. Dismissive of things that are important to you
20. Condescending about things that you do well or which show your strength and competence
21. Mansplaining
22. Disclose a pattern of disrespectful behavior toward women but assure you that YOU'RE different and special; ie. implying a belief that certain types of women are "deserving" of lesser treatment
23. Indications that you're gonna be stuck doing all the emotional and/or mental labor of the relationship
24. Indications of narcissistic behavior
25. PUA (Pickup Artist/Seduction community) tactics, like backhanded compliments and other forms of manipulation or attempts to keep you off balance
26. Signs they have a problem regulating and taking responsibility for their emotions
27. Inappropriate or abusive behavior when angered
28. Name-calling, character attacks, or put-downs disguised as teasing
29. Repeated boundary violations after said boundaries have been clearly communicated
30. Pronounced differences in political and/or social values
31. Compete with you outside of a mutually playful context or turn things into a power struggle
32. Is emotionally unavailable to you during conflict or overly wrapped up in their own internal experience with no room for yours

[UrUrbanRockstar]

Red Flag 🚩 CONSTANTLY finding a way to dodge answering important questions. "What are your intentions? How can we better communicate? Do you want this to progress into something more?" He completely ignored the questions EVERYTIME by finding a reason to go ghost for days.

[siowmingfeng]

when they're rude to service workers 0:21
when they try too hard to charm EVERYONE 1:50
when they like pineapple on pizza 3:19
when they judge you for liking pieapple on pizza 3:47
when they hate their exes 5:26
when they skip the intro on episode 1.... 6:42
when they call something you do "cute" 10:09
when they can't apologize 12:55
when conversations have to be about them 13:06
when he knows his zodiac sign... or when he doesn't 13:46
when he brings up zodiac signs 14:10
when they're comfortable offering criticism early on... 16:40
when they don't have any friends 17:01
when they're 35 and never had a long term relationship 17:24
when they have very different religious beliefs 17:46
when they can't enjoy their second choice 18:05

[justchanell]

There is no charm equal to the tenderness of the heart. That is a must know in a relationship

[Danimal]

I would like to add:
1. When a person still lives at home with their parents, as in someones in their 30's or older.
2. When someone is always argumentative and wants to debate everything with you, or always tries to compete, as in not being easy going at all.
3. When someone never offers compliments or says sweet things to you.
4. When someone doesn't show appreciation or gratitude for the things you do for them.
5. When someone never takes your feelings into consideration, as in trivializes or minimizes them.
6. When someone never apologies or takes ownership/responsibility over something they've done, as in never admits that they are wrong.

[drewm]

I'd change the "they don't have any friends" red flag to "they don't have any *real* friends". I've literally been on dates where guys have judged me for only having a handful of genuine friends, and they've bragged about how popular they are and so on... cut to 6 months down the line, you meet this guy's friends and they're actually really mean to the guy and hit on you when he goes to the bathroom. That's the real red flag for me! lol When someone's friends are shitty and the person doesn't even see it.

[Caroo]

To me the "the way they treat people in the service industry" is about looking how a person treats someone they view as "below" them or rather whether they treat certain people as if they are below them and think that's a justification for mistreating them.
It's like the Harry Potter quote _"If you want to know what a man is truly like, look at how he treats his inferiors and not his equals."_

[dzsenikertesz]

When they try too hard to charm everybody is a huge red flag. I had a relationship with a guy who did this all the time. He craved validation from everyone he meet. I swear everywhere we went he always just had to get into a small talk with complete strangers and be the most charming for them. He clearly needed constant validation from others and therefore we could not spend quality time together, his focus was mainly on others and his own needs.

[CrazyLyn]

I think the one about not having been in a serious relationship and you're past 35 is debatable. It depends on why. I know quite a few people who have not had a serious relationship who are in their 30s and I think they would make good partners. Same with the no friends "red flag". I don't have many close friends and most days I spend either by myself or I call my mom and I don't think it is alarming at all.

[lanny]

14:00 Did not think I’d laugh out loud at the Star sign red flag 😂 Hilarious riff

[aashilr]

I'm a straight guy & find tons of value in your content, Matthew. I think hearing what women typically go through & the things they have to think about is important for me to be a well-rounded person, so thank you (even though lot of your advice is meant for life in general, which is super nice).

I really digged the ending remarks on this video though. Personally dealing with someone that I had romantic interest in, however after two attempts of asking her out & getting excuses (and without her offering any alternative), I decided to move on. It's been tough trying to move on since she says all the right things, but her actions don't match her words - this was a topic of discussion in one of your previous videos & I agree with what you had to say about this. It sucks because I know objectively I should move on, but it's so much easier said than done. Perhaps something might happen one day, but I respect myself too much to wait around for someone that isn't interested in me the way I am right now. I think lot of other people can likely relate to this, maybe you should do a video on this between the three of you!

[vitabuonavita]

Yes I need to pay more attention in the beginning of the relationship and ask questions, not be so invested because some guy just pays attention to me

[msliltrinity]

Enjoyed the entire video and especially the distinction between red flags and amber lights starting at 22 min in. This actually made me tear up a bit. I realized I’m going into flight mode to protect myself. No matter what happens in my current situation, I’m glad to have more clearly realized this about myself. Love the idea of amber lights being invitation for conversation. Thank you, Matthew, Stephen, and Jameson!

[angelawatson]

Loving ❤ the dry but witty banter. These 2 have a good and relaxed energy with each other

[tammymarie]

Love the idea that yellow 💛 lights are a chance for your relationship to grow. I've been experiencing that same "growth" in my current relationship. It's great to get to know someone deeper and work through things in my own past. I love it!

[sufiheart]

one of my red flags is an aggressive, unsafe driver.... if they feel that entitled and rude and unsafe on the road... guess how they are with people in their lives

[nikkiminoz]

I've been hearing random podcasts with autplay and I came across this channel. I've finally moved on from my " toxic doesn't wanna commit but won't let me move on" 4 year relationship! I don't wanna waste anymore time! I feel so free as if all the burden holding me down has been finally gone!

[lillymarkova]

You guys are amazing! You deliver such quality information and at the same time you are bringing fun and light ❤️🙏🏼

[klawz]

This is my first time commenting, and I seriously just laughed so loudly when it came to the topic of star signs, and a man who knows theirs. That is the chuckle I needed after mind dwelling on my own chaotic dating. Thank you for all your videos, I especially love when you and your brother do these type of banter topics that are in and of themselves serious.