6 Relationship RED FLAGS That Are Surprisingly Toxic

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What are your biggest red flags when it comes to dating? Have you thought about them?

In this recent conversation I had with Dr. Tracy and Dr. Morgan, you’ll learn how to easily identify these 6 critical red flags. We start off with No. 1 . . .

No.1 🚩THEY CAN’T APOLOGIZE 🚩 

(I can feel your anger rising already with this one) Ever been there? I have. And, well, yuck. If you’ve been there, you know that someone who is incapable of apologizing slowly turns us into a crazy person who begins to lose their grip on reality. 

I talk all about this, and 5 more we should all be aware of, in my new video.

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[aponinodin]

I grew up in a very abusive and turbulent home and for years attracted very mean and selfish men. I'm in my mid 40's and I've learned to protect myself by doing something that ABSOLUTELY works: I ask myself, "Would you let someone treat your child that way? Would you let someone talk to your child that way?" Now I don't have any children, but I imagine that if I did, I'd be very protective of them. And I have become my own parent in a way, the kind of parent I never had, and I watch out for myself now. It's been a GAME CHANGER!

[lukefalcon]

As someone who works in DV and SA, I think yall missed one of the more obvious but also scarier red flags: moving too fast. If someone doesn't have the emotional self-control to act appropriately in the good times then they won't be able to in the bad times either

[swetha]

1. Unapologetic.
2. Don't try to change me.
3. Crazy making.
4. Dumping.
5. Make you feel embarrassed.
6. Gas lighting.

[_lgs]

Gaslighting is such a huge red flag for me now. Once you've lost your confidence because of an abusive partner but then have your eyes opened to the truth, you'll spot the narcissism in other potential partners very quickly.

[nomytheone]

Imma just say this- TRUST yourself. Analyze the behavior, yours and theirs, but at the end of the day make it a priority to trust your gut. Your experience teaches you something so don’t disregard it.

[emilybc]

My ex would only be “vulnerable” about how my feelings would make him feel. Example: He lets me down or says something hurtful. I am upset or disappointed. He then becomes sad because my disappointment makes HIM feel bad. There is no concern about how he made me feel or how his actions affected me……I would tell him I couldn’t comfort him when he just hurt me, and he’d literally yell at me that he was being “vulnerable” and sharing his feelings with me and that I was being terrible. Mind games.
To clarify- what if he hit me and I was upset? It’s just the same as the abuser turning around and wanting comfort. When you don’t give comfort, then they claim YOU are the abuser. WTF.

[justbeyourself]

My ex would be mean and acted poorly.He had no problem saying sorry but would keep doing it. We finally parted weeks a few weeks ago for good it's been hard but I am learning to value myself. This time was a permanent. With the words he said no going back I was a giver he is a taker. He wanted to be friends just to keep me for things he may need in the future. This train is going to keep moving.

[pollyevans]

Not a romantic relationship but I have a friend that “dumps” on me frequently & it’s such an energy draining action to put on someone. It’s so difficult to tell that person they’re crossing a boundary without them getting defensive too because in their head they can’t do wrong.

[Cheeriu]

The first one: Watch out for fake apologies ("I am sorry but", "I am sorry you feel that way"). I had a boyfriend who would apologize A LOT but he used the fake ones and he used the apology as a method to make me stop talking about the problem ("I already apologized so what do you want?!")

[Allahisadicksuckingmosquito]

A guy offended me and then responded very roughly when I brought it up. Took complete 180 from being soft spoken and sweet and then ghosted me, now he's happily blocked.

[ChristianaSenibo]

Showing vulnerability in a relationship takes a lot of courage and when you do and your partner makes you feel embarrassed it's a huge red flag. I'll suggest you let him know how his attitude towards your disclosure made you feel. If it was a genuine error on his judgement, he'll apologise. If he doesn't it's an indication whether you should keep investing in the relationship.

[drewm]

The point of "well that's just who I am" is such a brilliant red flag to bring up because this person is telling you that they refuse to compromise, and how can you ever build a relationship with someone unwilling to meet you halfway? My recent ex was like this, and if I'd found this video a year ago it would have saved me a world of hurt. I ended up bending over backwards and changing myself for someone who discarded me eventually anyway.

[frenchfries]

Red flags are not subtle. The things that make you think “huh?” or that make you feel shocked on the inside but you don’t show it because you don’t want to seem like someone who over reacts. 1:36 as well.

[lillynava]

My ex used to always call me too sensitive or too soft every time I wanted to talk about what was bugging me or to try and work through our problems. It was terrible

[philu]

Matthew could have just ended the video with the 1st red flag.

I've had one toxic relationship in my life and she NEVER apologized through the years we've been together. She would also use my apologies against me.

If you see that red flag: RUN!!!....these people NEVER change.

[valeriejanssen]

A lot of what you're describing are traits of narcissistic personality disorder. Gaslighting, abuse, lack of empathy. My ex is a very toxic narcissist. I now have a protective order and there's a felony domestic case now.

[suzieclark]

Them putting you on a pedestal early on for something you’re we’ll known for. It’s their ego wanting to date you for that ‘thing’. Then because you are so much more than that one thing (actually you are just like every other girl) that’s a red flag.

[Lala-unyb]

Why is it so hard to find a good healthy relationship. God I'm so tired of this.
Just hearing those things made me cry...

[srmcgowan]

I would like to add something to the first red flag about apologizing. My ex husband would be very quick to apologize without meaning it simply to end the argument and without making any changes. On the other hand I would work very very hard to do the right thing in the first place but if I did do something wrong it would be an immediate apology followed by an action to avoid making the same mistake again. In my mind sorry is not only acknowledgment of your wrong-doing but also a promise to not hurt the person in the same way again or to learn how to correct the behavior.
The Insincere sorry’s I received over the years became very painful and I came to think about them as lies in the end.

[vijetasikaria]

Adding on to the first point, I think meaning the apology and taking responsibility for the mistake key. Saying a halfhearted "sorry", just for the sake of it, still counts as unapologetic