Foster parent showing foster child they are a safe place for LGBTQ+ youth

About 1 and 3 kids in foster care identify as LGBTQ+. It’s important that we, as foster parents, are there to support, affirm, and ensure safety. Here is a starting point for you!

One important nuance that is hard to show in video, is understanding the child’s need for confidentiality regarding their identity and preferences. If you live in a place that does not support LGBTQ+ people, you may want to have some of these moments in private or after establishing safety and trust. As always, these moments and scripts don’t work for every child in every situation. Please consider all factors and go at their pace. 💛

I also want to acknowledge the error I made when introducing myself and stating my pronouns. I appreciate members from the LGBTQ+ community correcting me that I don't need the "the" before the pronouns. I decided to keep the video without editing, in hope to showcase that none of us are perfect, but it's important to try and learn than to not try at all.

There are so many things you can do to show you are an LGBTQ+ friendly home. Feel free to drop your tips and experiences below. ⬇️

[madisonblancher]

" you can shop any section"

Goes to electronics

[StitchingMothVibes]

A tip: If you mess up pronouns. Say a simple "Excuse me, (corrected pronoun/name) and immediately move on. As a trans person its so much easier when it's treated as a simple slip up than a huge ordeal. It also makes us feel safer and more welcome.

[alyssatew]

The 'you can shop in any section' is really important as well. Because whether or not the child is LGBTQ+ or not being able to wear clothing that makes them feel comfortable is so important.

[kawaii_unicorn]

Love that you said shop in their preferred section. As a trans girl who was a foster kid a lot of the time people forced me to shop in the guys section. So it felt nice to have someone who not only understood that we may want to shop in the section of our current gender but sometimes also our past gender

[kearstinnekenerson]

My child is nonbinary binders are something you will want to gently remind them are only supposed to be on for 8 hours at a time you will need to take it off to let your body breathe

[bunniie]

For these kids, seeing someone making an effort to make them feel seen and accepted is enough. Mistakes happen but as long as they know you're a safe person and accepting of them and their identity, that's what truly matters.

[hsLeftist]

Literally just walked in my sisters room to see one of our families’ dogs and she called me gay (which I am, but she is homophobic so it’s different) and came back to see this. feel like crying right now because this is amazing (and if any of you are wonder my entire family, cousins included, is homophobic and transphobic, etc… videos like these make me feel like I’m not totally useless and can maybe help another kid one day by fostering or adopting (not sure if I’d be able or want to adopt, but I want to help no matter how I do it)

[pianobooks]

You may do this already, but remember to tell these kids who you are telling!! If Jane smith tells you they wanna cut their hair short and go by John smith, follow that up by stating who you have to tell and ask who else they want you to tell. They should know who knows, especially if their birth family gets to know any of it. So glad you are so supportive of these kids tho!!!!

[___GG__]

Does anyone else watch these videos so they can one day be a good parent? I feel like picking up her vibe and knowing how she'd react to certain situations is very helpful. My husband and I want to adopt when we're older and really want to break the cycle because neither of us grew up so well :)

[wonderingstar]

Thank you for being a supportive foster parent. I think the having pride items and showing community connections is great. It lets them know they're safe without making them feel pressured to out themselves if they aren't already

[SeaGully.]

I'm not a foster kid, but have been close to being one many times in the past. and im transgender. seeing people being supportive of our community and making people feel welcome is heart warming. thank you.

[bigmanrui]

Thank you so much for allowing clothes shopping in every section. I’m not a foster kid but have started having to go to the store alone to not face judgement from my parents about shopping in the men’s section. You’re doing good work.

[shawn-oldaccountl]

Another really important point is to immediately stand up for them if you see any homophobic or transphobic attacks towards them, whether it’s from your family, from a past foster family, from their birth family, from social workers, from therapists, from school, from friends, etc, etc, etc. This really cements the idea for them that they are safe and that you are here to protect them and that your love and support isn’t conditional or wavering

[evinnsangree]

So as a trans nonbinary person this is so sweet! I definitely would recommend to make sure the foster child has a say in who knows! Coming out can be really difficult for anyone and so maybe ask who they want to know, if they want to come out more publicly, and if they'd like to do some research into different options for future care (depending on age) or if they just came out ask if they want to try out different pronouns or names as they discover who they are! Trans people may not stick to a name or pronouns or a label forever and its so important they feel like they have no pressure to stick to whatever they decide in the moment! Please keep being the loving caring foster mom you are!

[dylantd]

I volunteer at a camp for kids and we had a NB teenager at one camp, we were told they were gender fluid and could experience different pronouns on different days. The adult volunteers are split into two, and my other co-volunteer was very new to the whole thing and asked me for advice. He wanted to ask the kid directly his pronouns, which is one option, but I decided to just tell the kid our pronouns and leave it open for them to express what they were feeling on the day. Eventually as camp when on the teen opened up to us and explained his gender fluidity in more details and gave us all a stronger understanding.

[momococo]

We’re not foster parents and my kids tell me they are straight but we have a pride flag outside our house so that anyone who comes over knows this is a safe space. 😊 inclusivity matters

[minecraftingmom]

How does your calm sensible voice and completely ordinary text with practical advice always always have me 😭 😭?

[Cats.and.sadness]

Just knowing we aren't hated by everyone gives me so much hope

[stressyschwa]

For displaying pride items, I always recommend choosing some specific communities that are important to you (ie. lesbian, trans, ace, or nonbinary) and displaying those specific flags. This may show an LGTBQ+ kid that you have a bit more knowledge and are a legitimate ally. Love this video! 🌈🩵🩷🤍

[ghastdroid]

Not me crying because my inner child feels so validated and seen, if this helps me as a 31 year old man, you can't even imagine how helpful it is for the struggling youth, thank you for all the good you do.