A quick look at the first month with a new foster child

For me, when a child is just entering care and coming into my home, our first month is packed with appointments. What does your first month look like? Let me know in the comments!

#fosterparent #fosterparenting #fostercare

[goblinguy]

The first month or so is so important with building a relationship. Making them not only feel happy but also safe is so so so difficult AND necessary!

[akcland]

The small thing I noticed in this vid that makes a big difference is packing the bag of snacks, toys, etc. for visits with parents. Sometimes bio-parents may not have those items or have the skills necessary to know that they need to bring them, so assisting them in that small way can help model healthy parenting and ensure that no matter what the child has what they need, fantastic representation imo.

[jenniferhicks]

um... I'm stressed just watching this video. I can't believe this is just the first month! I am seriously amazed.

[kimm]

TRIGGER WARNING-CHILD ABUSE: 


Long lost memory unlocked when you said "Doctors and Dental Appointment". I was 14½ when I had my first appointments. Excluding a hospital when my appendix burst. At that time my birth mother insisted I was faking the pain so she was feeding me baking soda and water so I would "throw up whatever I ate to be the center of attention". At some point I passed out and to this day I have no idea how I ended up at the hospital. I've asked. No one that is alive seems to remember and those that do know, I left when I was 18 yrs old. I just remember waking up to my Aunt sitting there holding my hand and was happy to see me alive. She screamed for the nurse, I was 13 yrs old. I was in the hospital for a long time and only saw my parents and siblings when they came to pick me up. My Aunt came when she could. It was 1973. Then in 1974 at 14½, I couldn't take the abuse anymore, I repeatedly ran away TO the Police Department. My stay in the Juvenile Section at the hospital showed me normal families and normal teenagers, I had hope for the first time in my life. Eventually a Judge sentenced me to Juvenile Jail and Foster Care, I was elated. Somewhere in the back of my mind, after living in a Fundamentalist Cult family, I felt I would be safer in Foster Care. I wasn't at first, I did have to learn how to stand up for myself in the group home, but even then, thos>e beatings from other girls were less painful. I finally set boundaries and thrived. At my new school, I was allowed to speak and have friends, it was glorious.


I loved my wonderful housemothers, the staff, everyone. I was so scared to go to the Doctor because the only time I had ever dealt with them, is when my birth parents beat me so badly from my shoulders to my ankles that I was bleeding through my clothing and the school called the police. The police gave me to my father to take me to a Doctor for examination and explanation. I watched my father give a Doctor thousands of dollars to say I fell down the steps. That was the lie I had to tell and had been stating all day, just to not get beat again the next night. The night before at the beating, is a vivid memory, I can still see my birth mother's face as I was holding onto the table across from her as she screamed over and over, "hit her again". I was supposed to get 80 "whacks", 20 for each C on my report card, I had gotten four that quarter because of the abuse at home and at church. I remember not crying, not wailing, just looking at her throughout the whole ordeal with gritted teeth. My birth father broke many things as he hit me, I remember being satisfied that they had lost count and I only got hit 79 times. I went to bed and my sister helped me heal the best she could, she hid ointment and rags to clean me up. Each night I prayed for death. I saw a Doctor lie, I didn't trust them. I figured my birth parents would find out and get to them before I saw them. I still have anxiety if I have to find a new Doctor. 


I remember the doctor being so kind and caring. Then off to the Dentist, I knew my parents wouldn't know this Dentist because they didn't use them. To this day, I love going to the dentist. It's one of the favorite things that I get to do. I find it relaxing. I do believe it's just because at that time I knew it was a place that I was safe. And whenever I go to the dentist now they literally have to prop my mouth open because I have a tendency to fall asleep. Yes, they have to keep waking me up, or prop my mouth. I guess I'm saying all this because if you're a foster parent, remember, the child may not be able to tell you why they are afraid to go into these places. I was in my early thirties, before I could tell anyone, I told my Psychologist. I was in my forties until I asked my sister about it. And I don't know if it's right or not but I remember my social worker asking if I wanted her to go in there with me and I said yes. And after a little bit she asked if she could leave and I also said yes. I amazed myself. It was nice to have someone care about me and listen. The Social Worker, the Nurse, and Doctor all treated me like I was normal. 


I'm in the process right now of wearing aligners to finish fixing the last outward sign of the abuse my body endured. I've had surgeries to correct bones that were broken and never healed correctly. I had to have donor bone in my mouth due to my birth parents (per Dentists/Surgeons) squeezing my jaw so tightly as an infant/baby with their hands that they broke bones that never healed correctly. At age 63, I will have had the last medical/ dental procedure. I'm planning on holding a party for myself. A freedom party. No one knows yet. It will be a surprise. I'm going on vacation at the end of the month with my best friend. I plan on telling them now. I won't tell my husband yet. He knows what the aligners mean to me, what they are fixing. He has had to walk through this life of healing with me. I see the helplessness in his eyes. I know he wished he could go back and save me. Yet, if he did, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I'm a former foster child, foster mom. Advocate for those in recovery due to turning to drugs or alcohol to cover their pain. To opening up to a room full of future Social Workers or Psychologists in a College setting so they can hear truths and ask questions. I've lived an amazing life as an adult. Not always flowers and rainbows and that is okay. I'm alive. I choose happiness every day. I'm grateful to anyone that supports or are Foster Families. I'm alive because of those people. Once I left Foster Care I had to go back home. But I was still a Ward of the State. It helped a little. Abuse still happened. I just planned my escape. I left on my 18th birthday after being beaten and tossed down stairs. Bloody and bruised, I drove away in my little station wagon that was my new home. I had been packing and planning for so long. Everything I needed was in that car, the most important was me, the new me that emerged out of the hellhole I had left. I had hope, me and hope were there.

[ladyteruki]

It makes me anxious to imagine a child going through all this while being upset from all the changes in their life, plus potentially recent trauma...

[magnusbane]

I used to live in a "Wohngruppe" in Germany (basically 6 girls from ages 12-20 that need therapeutic treatment and pedagogical adults that have 24h shifts and have their own room with meds for the girls and a bed living together), aka a modern 'orphanage', and for their first month, no girl has access to her phone, to make it easier to become accustomed to the new enviroment without having to worry about family etc (I arrived in late December, and this rule of no contact can be bent so we could receive presents for birthdays and Christmas if that time was during the first month).

It also helped my father and brothers, they would still text me, knowing that I would eventually get my phone back, and it was really great to see what they texted me on Christmas, watching a video of our cats playing with the wrapping paper, and what my brother got for his birthday.

After that, we were allowed to have family visitors on one weekend of the month (not allowed inside cuz it was 2021) and to go home for a weekend if possible, and weekly phone calls.

It is really sad for me to see that in the US, foster parents like you are the exception, not the norm. Thank you fir being such a good person.

[Ya_boi_jasper]

“You have to peepee in a cup at this appointment” 😂😂 caught me off guard

[fawntheresa]

As a child in foster care in the '90s, let me tell you it was nothing like this. Thank you for being an amazing mother to these children who need it so desperately.

[katielear]

Love this! This shows how hectic the first month can be while also showing how it can be manageable! Keep it up Laura!

[raechelrae]

Breaks my heart how much children have to go through for their parents missteps but God bless those who step in to be a positive adult in a child's life.

[ariannahicks]

Bro whoever you take care of in foster care is grateful for you so much! Back in the 2010's i wasin foster care and all three houses were terrible in there own way. I still have trauma to this day and never want to go back.

[emilyperkins]

My husband and I are just beginning the process of becoming foster parents! These videos and thus channel especially is a GOD SEND.

[shalvahmbmacdonald]

So involved, so many people trying to do their best for the children. 😊

[juliamelone]

That’s SO MUCH. People who do this are heroes.

[BossladyXD]

Shiit only thing they did when I was in foster hell was visits with mom an paperwork. Never saw anyone else. Or food, clean clothes, heat while living in a cold basement or running water. Begged the case worker to come out an see we were being neglected but not once did they come. It’s crazy we were never neglected at home, but was in foster hell.

[missmiadelrey]

I just want you & any other foster/adoptive parents to know how much I respect & appreciate you for all that you do for these children. You are truly awesome.
Keep fighting the good fight. I love you! I’m thinking about you, & I’m praying for you! ❤

[DogoJack]

Wow! This brought up so many emotions from when we first got our girls 😮‍💨
So glad they are safe and with us now.
Thank you for your videos. God bless you for the work you do❤

[kamiw]

You are exemplary as a parent. It’s good to know that there are many just like you who are here to step in when needed and provide a bit of brightness in a child’s life during some of the darkest times.

[itsoobvious]

Thank you Laura for the time and love that you have devoted to making the world a better place for children who have been placed in foster care. You are making their world and ours a happier more peaceful place.

[ellabrown]

I’m about to start this process! 🎉 I’m so grateful to live in a time where awesome resources like this are available to everyone. Wow, how freaking cool. 💜