Talking about Trauma won't heal you

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Talking about trauma doesn’t heal trauma.

For a lot of people it makes them feel much worse. Especially if you have PTSD

This is one thing that sets human brains apart from animals. When we visualize something, whether it’s a past trauma or a worry about the future, we perceive danger. And our brain triggers the same physiological reaction to perceived danger as it does to real danger. It triggers that cascade of stress chemicals that kick off the fight/flight/freeze response.

Instead I'm going to teach you an approach from narrative therapy, where you heal from trauma and PTSD by writing a new story, exploring how you trauma narratives impact you in the present moment and how to replace them with a practical visualization exercise.

00:00 Intro
01:05 Nutshell
02:38 And Visualization has just 4 steps
02:49 #1 Explore the beliefs you’ve adopted because of trauma
04:31 #2. Write what the healed version of yourself would say when he says “I am…(dot dot dot)”
05:42 #3. Get out your journal and visualize in incredible detail what your day looks like when you fully believe each statement
14:10 #4. Each morning as you wake up or each night before drifting off to sleep, spend 3-5 minutes visualizing yourself fully living that new life

Check out the transcript below:

Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.

Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC

[elladonaldson-lhnc]

Thank you for this video. though it brings up painful memories. At first i was with an abusive husband for 13 years of my life, then i left when i couldn't bear it any longer, bear in mind i only stayed that long because of our kids. After two years of being single, i met the love of my life, and we had a fantastic first 5 months, then my PTSD kicked in and I did a lot of things because i wasn't properly healed, and he left me. I realize now and i feel so empty and lonely inside. I love him..

[dvdv]

"I am worthless. I'll never find true love.

--> I am TOTALLY loveable. I deserve to be treated with respect and love. Someone out there is going to show me this love, and I won't settle for less."

[martinepeters]

I'm totally happy with being single and focusing on my career and my cats.

[zoetjez]

Talk therapy didn't help me. Trauma therapy did. But a very important part in healing for me was talking about some parts of my trauma and people close to me believing me and supporting me. I think it's very important for someone who goes through (c)ptsd or something like that, to feel seen. Feeling seen and less alone was a very important step. The only way to do that is to open up emotionally. It's also something that really helps when you are depressed. The most important part is the way the person you talk to reacts. I was very lucky to have met my boyfriend when I wasn't doing mentally well. He listened to me without judgement, without dismissing me or making my problems smaller. I don't have CPTSD anymore and he and his family made healing easier.

[massivematt]

Recently I had a huge win. My biggest ick is trusting people. It’s just so hard. I’ve been building a friendship with someone I admire. We’ve both been vulnerable about what we’ve been through, so there’s a real solid foundation, and we went 9 days without talking. I told myself I would text them in a couple days (7 days at that point). The 2 days building up was separating my stories and anxieties stories. My story was that she would text back and want to meet up, anxieties was that she would never respond and hates me. I got to the point of understanding that both stories can exist, but Anxiety’s stems from trauma, mine from reality. I tried my hardest to believe and I texted her. She not only replied but was excited to meet up. I’m so proud of myself. Very hard, but that doesn’t mean I can’t do it.

[Stayinyourownlane]

I've just completed EMDR. It's really helped me. I'm 55 And tried everything for cptsd.
I am loved i am at peace

[michelletelle-fk]

For years, I carried the pain of my past without realizing how much it was affecting me. No matter what I did, the anxiety and intrusive thoughts wouldn’t go away. A friend suggested mindfulness, and that small step led me to Shift Your Mind by Alexander Brooks. It gave me the tools to truly heal instead of just coping. So thankful for that shift. 💙

[giaximoi]

love. a loving relationship with a person who sees, understands, and knows you and is attentive to your distress and can contain it, and who will stand by you, that is what heals. a community of people like that, e.g a family.

[jchiappardi]

I’m suffering through prolonged grief and it’s totally ruined who I used to be. I hope this helps even a little

[alaina_will-roth]

This is exactly what I experienced in counseling. I told that to the counselor and asked how this is supposed to help and she was not really able to provide any answer.

[cannabokan]

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

[MelindaCarey-nc]

I'm not broken, I'm broken open
Best thing I've heard

[SuzannaLiessa]

Something that helps me is what vipassana meditation calls "letting go of the story." The "story" - a traumatic incident, something that made you angry, etc. - is in the past and can't be changed. What you're dealing with in the present is just the emotion. Using a combination of being aware of how you feel, both physically and emotionally, and visualization, you identify and evaluate how you are actually feeling in the moment and work to regulate it. You manage how you feel right now without bringing in the memory that can reinforce it.

Something else that has been useful is recognizing and validating that I hate myself. Validating doesn’t means I think I have any reasons to hate myself. It just means recognizing and accepting that it's how I feel. Otherwise, I shame myself for not loving myself.

That's not where it stops, though. I look at the specific thing (s) I'm hating on and say, "I believe this because I've been lied to, and I can learn to believe the truth instead." I think adding and visualizing the truth would be a good next step, because it’s the logical next step to unlearning the hate and learning the love.

I'll try it & see how it works.

[Rentheworld]

TLDR: Healing is unique. She is right. But sometimes you might NEED to talk about it over and over - for yourself. That’s okay too. YOU are in control and in charge or your healing. Your therapist is your copilot. That doesn’t mean you don’t listen to them or don’t value what they say. It just means you’re a team and together you can figure out why you need to talk about it.
Also, just want to share - I have PTSD and I find that, now that I can, I really NEED to go over it again and again. I find that I really need to feel the feelings from the trauma that I pushed away. I KNOW how it’s affecting me in the present day now (although I’m still learning fun new ways that it is) but I NEED to understand what happened, what I felt, what other parties felt. I told my therapist the other day that I feel like I’ve spent a long time trying to fit a narrative to my situation that only made sense if I was the one in the wrong in a situation that no one is ever at fault it. NOW, however, I need to figure out what I believe, not what something/someone is telling me what I SHOULD believe. I know I may never know the FULL truth. But I need A truth.

I fully agree that just going over trauma again and again can create further harm in different situations. But, for me, it’s a need right now. A need to understand. A need for my story to be told, to be heard. To be believed. And it SUCKS, man. Every time I tell it, or a piece of it, it feels like another piece of me shatters. Short term, it is the most awful thing. Long term, I can finally see that I’m healing.

Long story short, it’s individual. Trauma, unfortunately if you’re trying to research it, individual. You don’t have to talk about it. You don’t have to NOT talk about it. You may have to go through a few therapists. And I know that sucks and it’s scary. But find someone who meets you where you are (and recognize that just because someone didn’t, that doesn’t mean they’re a bad person or therapist, they just weren’t a good fit for you). YOU get to control your healing. And your therapist will be your guide. Listen to them, they know you and they know your situation.

And, remember, there are lots of parts to trauma therapy. For me, I had to ease into it. I couldn’t admit it or talk about it. But I knew I wanted (needed?) to start. So I started asking my therapist pointed questions. Eventually, I emailed him a vague and apologetic email starting to explain what happened. It took several months before I could say any of it out loud. And then we started a timeline of what happened - a form of exposure therapy - and it was God awful. But necessary for me (focus on FOR ME). I can talk about it now and start to challenge negative self talk and try to forgive. I can try to start sharing what happened to me in safe ways in the hopes that maybe it resonates with someone. In the future, maybe we’ll do what she’s outlining. There are many aspects, many paths to walk, and that’s okay.

If you’ve read this whole thing, thank you. I hope it gave you something to think about for yourself, for someone you love, or for someone you may meet in the future. But thank you for taking your time to read a stranger’s story.

[mossymindful]

the "restoring the inner sense of safety" approach has helped me move past many traumas. when difficult emotions come up and i find myself reliving trauma, i also notice i am finally acting as a safe space for myself to feel those things and process them.

[leniwiec]

The reframing of thoughts about my self is what I do in my every EMDR session. It really helps, I kind of feel like it's magic. After a few weeks from reprocessing something I suddenly notice that things change. It's fascinating. I have to agree that talk therapy doesn't help with trauma. CBT triggered me and made me feel terrible, yet I didn't know that at the time, I didn't know it was trauma so I tried different therapists for years (!!) and wasted so much time. I wish I've known about trauma earlier. But EMDR is the first therapy that actually did something for me, I've been doing it for over 2 years and I can say that I feel much better. I've been in a freeze response all the time before, now it's only sometimes.

[storzmahase]

I spent so many years of my life under the spell of cigarettes, depression and severe ptsd. Gained my freedom with the help of nature using mushroom (psilocybin) precisely. After my experience with shrooms five years ago every cigarette I lit up tasted like literal poison. I would take one hit and put out the cigarette. I haven't smoked since, no more depressive mood and ptsd. Few doses of shroom experience made a 15 year 2 pack a day smoker quit instantly.
Shrooms are life changing. There is no way you can put into words what it feels like..

[AlfredSpangler]

My trauma causes me to overfunction and resort to codependency because I don't expect anyone else to step up. I bite off more than I can chew and I burn out. I would love if future videos also mention this common trauma pattern!

[jonathanwalther]

1. Explore the beliefs you've adopted because of trauma.
2. Write what the healed version of yourself would say when he says "I am ...".
3. Get out your journal and visualize _in incredible detail_ what your day looks like when you fully believe each statement.
4. Each morning as you wake up or each night before drifting off to sleep, spend 3-5 minutes visualizing yourself fully living that new life.

[aquaearthnfirequ_pinsnsavi]

"I create my reality. When I become fearless through my PERSPECTIVE life becomes limitless." 💖

Hearing her hold back tears of gratitude I are very much felt!