6 Common Pitfalls In Healing Childhood Trauma

In this video, I describe six common pitfalls or stuck places that often happen in the process of working on childhood trauma. I hope it's helpful to you.

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Chapters:
0:00 Intro
1:44 #1 Confusing Awareness for Healing
6:49 #2 Abuse Won’t Affect Me Anymore
9:05 #3 Discouragement Confirmation
12:05 #4 I’ve Seen the Light, You Should Too
15:59 #5 Wrong Place or Wrong Therapy or Wrong Time
22:39 #6 Stopping Once You Start Feeling Better
26:27 Final Thoughts
28:22 Connect With Me
28:48 Outro

Learn more about Patrick Teahan,
Childhood Trauma Resources and Offerings

MUSIC IS BY:

Chris Haugen - Ibiza Dream

Editing Service:

⚠️ Disclaimer

My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship.

If you are, or someone you know, is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

If you are having emotional distress, please utilize 911 or the National Suicide Hotline
1-800-273-8255

[mellifergold]

Many of us were very willing to go to therapy - but it was so bad that it just added new trauma...

[brandonjones]

"Childhood trauma is the root issue to society." Took me 30 years of therapy to come to this conclusion.

[Genovia]

The last therapist ask me after 2 visits if I had figured everything out because I seemed fine. Very discouraging and had me question if I really even needed therapy. I seem put together because of my awareness but that doesn't mean I'm healed and I am not still struggling with it regularly. I thought this awareness was all I needed but what you are saying makes total sense. Awareness does not mean healed.

[hannahh]

"Childhood trauma is really relational abuse that requires relational healing." I started crying, because so many people, professionals included, cannot or will not accept this. Say it louder, Patrick! ❤️

[mohamstaz]

I'm so glad you mentioned that healing makes you want to spend less time with your toxic family. I was over here like, "Shouldn't I be okay spending more time with them because it shouldn't bother me as much as it used to? Am I wrong for still being bothered and not wanting to be around them?" So, I feel less crazy now. lol

[wrjsn]

“When you no longer let them manipulate you, be prepared to see a version of them you’ve never seen before.” All hell has broke loose here in Alabama! 😳

[hiya]

I'm 40 years old and still living with my abusive family. I know no one will ever read this. This has been so hard to endure for this long. The things these people have done have made it so that I became disabled under their care at a young age. They knew I would never be able to escape the abuse and live on my own when it was the only thing I ever wanted to do. I wish more kids udnerstood that there are some parents out there who will purposely disable their kids so that they can continue to torment them. I really don't know what the point of my life was. I was a kid that wanted peace. I just wanted to be heard but at this point I know no one is listening. Some parents should not be allowed to have kids. Every day I ask myself how could my parents do this to me? Why did they only have me to abuse me?

[evepatchett]

I’m in the UK. I am shocked by the number of poor & uniformed therapists, who do more harm than good. When I did my training, I was horrified that some of my fellow trainees exhibited Narcissistic attitudes and nothing was said by the tutors, several of whom were Narcissistic themselves. I ended up leaving that particular ‘well regarded’ course, early.
I have been to several different therapists who have absolutely no idea about CPTSD and almost wanted to learn from me, as their client. There are good therapists out there, but in my experience they are difficult to find. Thank you for this very useful video, I agree with your points.

[sues]

Hi Patrick, Thank you for mentioning that the nasty comments/abuse will hurt more once healed. I was feeling confused by this. I've been keeping my distance with some toxic people in my life, but when I do see them, their jabs and manipulations seem to REALLY hurt, way more than before. To the point that I thought I'd taken a step backwards, but maybe it means I've healed a lot.

[sarahbischoff]

Point 2 is helpful to hear. I was very surprised at how belligerent I ended up being with my family during the holidays after about a year of EMDR and trauma therapy. My go-to coping mechanism all through childhood and young adulthood was fawning, trying to keep things copacetic, concealing my needs, etc. I thought healing would make me nicer to be around, would allow me to better conceal my personal problems from those who didn't want to see them. But! When I went to see my family, I was angry and argumentative, stemming from feelings of not being heard and (newly) thinking that I deserve to be listened to. The pain was still there; I was just expressing it so much more than I otherwise would have. It was a tough few days. But I did get to learn that the goal of healing is not to make you easier to deal with.

[undergroundmusicians]

This inspired me to start searching for a therapist to help me through my childhood trauma. Ironically, I am a PhD student in human development and family studies and I focus on internalizing disorders in childhood. But awareness is not healing. I'm so incredibly well-researched, but I am lacking agency and truly working through it. I cut off my family a few years ago, and it was the best decision for my healing, but I still have more to go! Thank you, Patrick. Thank you so much for helping people like us. ❤

[immrtalitypassin]

The right therapy/therapist is so crucial. A dear friend of mine finally decided to go to therapy after a life of C-PTSD and intense family trauma as well as maybe 15 yrs of traumatic drug addiction to self-medicate and suppress/dissociate. She had no previous therapy but was clean for over 10yrs. She went to someone who did not specialize in trauma. They did a bit of talking for a while about her life story, and she diagnosed her as BP2 before her EMDR sessions began. One session unearthed an incident of sexual abuse she had no prior knowledge of, and she did not have the skills to mitigate that earth-shattering discovery. She ended up in a year long, suicidal relapse and almost lost her family and career. Thankfully she regained her footing and sobriety, but needless to say, she discontinued therapy with her therapist and possibly with anyone.

[dinosaursatemycat]

Mistaking isolation from triggers with healing. Sort of a blending of these, this is one of my biggest pitfalls. For most of my 20s I was just sort of removing myself from possible triggering interactions, mentally and physically isolating myself from really connecting with anyone beyond a superficial level. To outsiders, I was very successful, bachelor's degree, living on my own, making good money, looking and acting the part of a healed person. Inside my depression and anxiety were running the show but I sort of just thought it can't be that bad if im doing well in everyone's eyes. I still got triggered sure but it was less often and I was skilled at masking in public. (Falling apart in private) And then I started a long term relationship... oh boy did I realize I had just been avoiding a lot of things for years instead of working on them.

[msmith]

I went through a handful of therapists before finding someone who seems to understand how childhood trauma sets you up for trouble in life. I'm 68, just divorced after 35 years of a bad relationship. I told one therapist about how my husband had for years demeaned my age and appearance and abilities and creativity. He called me "ugly" and said he couldn't stand how I looked. This male therapist said that I needed to learn how to "forgive" my husband. Men aren't affected by criticism of their appearance, this guy said, and so they don't realize how painful such disparaging is to women. I told this therapist, who was Mormon, that he was full of it, and I eventually found a female therapist who described my relationship as verbally and emotionally abusive. It's slow, but I'm learning to appreciate myself and what I can do. For so long, I had ignored my own interests and needs in order to focus on my husband.

[SemiIocon]

The discouragement confirmation, I really feel. I was what I'd call overly sheltered from failure by my parents due to me having some disabilities so that they infantilised me too much growing up, not giving me age-appropriate tasks to deal with, taking over too quickly when I wouldn't understand or do something right without teaching me how to do the thing instead or let me do it my way. It lead me to think of myself as incompetent and to quickly abort anything I could not do first try. It still impacts my discipline a lot.

[miadifferent]

The part about the healing fantasy of the inner child not being effected by abuse anymore was very interesting! I think I will go on a personal deep dive about this.

[michellek]

You named me entirely. The projecting, super reactive self, people pleasing, inner child running my life making me Uber gun shy for close, family, intimate relationships. Never finished self help books. Currently realized the adhd thing has been a long time thing that’s put bumpers down guiding the path I took thru life. —- the more sensitive and yes spending time with people is much harder. My pitfall is I hate the emotional rollercoaster of the triggers and the dislike of disappointment and dealing with toxic people and just not want to go there. I circle the wagons and keep everyone out. You’re encouraging exactly everything I hate. 😳 but you knew that. 😢😊 thx sir. I’ll put it back on my options list.

[vwb]

Patrick's got one mode: Killin' it

[anonanon]

I initially went to a couple of therapists whose focus was not childhood trauma and I felt discouraged. My problems were not about “finding balance”. Then I waited on a 9-month waitlist for a therapist trained in Interpersonal Neurobiology. Totally worth the wait!

[MoonstarGem]

Oof. Your videos always hit hard. The second one is my biggest pitfall. I have a history of taking the hardest jobs to prove I can “handle anything”. And the last thing you said about realizing that you were actually a good kid made me tear up. I’ve been in therapy for almost a year now, but still very much struggle with that concept, because I grew up hearing the opposite.