Understanding Narcissism in Family Dynamics | Darren F Magee

[DebbieDavis-de]

Excellent session, Mr. Magee, thank you! Never knowing the titles, roles, or any of the "technical" terms used in the narcissist family cult, but one can look beyond his/her immediate family to past generations and recognize terms and patterns mentioned in your lists and descriptions within personal family units. It would not surprise me to learn how toxic family dynamics plays a significant role into finding and marrying the traits that one is comfortable with, hence the revolving door of toxicity and narcissism continues in circular motion. Thank you, again for your very informative session. 🙏 🕊 ✨️

[MiraMeunier]

there's nothing like growing up in split custody between 2 toxic households and struggling with the endless switching. I remember I lived in a state of anxiously counting the days in fear of the shift. my dad is an autistic psychopath with OCPD. he has that tyrannical sadism like an angry dysregulated drill sargent. thank you for defining that for me ☺️ I was a lost child until I took an IQ test and was placed in an experimental highly gifted magnet with a 145 IQ entrance requirement. then I became the golden child but still experienced being the lost child on the inside. now I'm estranged from my family because I wanted to heal and I couldn't bear to participate in dynamics which are harmful to people I love. I love my family and I spent too much time and sustained too many injuries empathizing and trying to help them out of toxic dynamics. at my mom's home, my older brother was the scape goat but also an unrecognized hero child. I have always called him my hero because he was a good parent to me where my real parents failed while also being treated like a loser and disrespected by everyone. they weren't happy he was actually taking care of me, they were threatened by him showing them up 😢 it was heartbreaking for us both. I'm so lucky for him. I easily could have ended up with NPD if it weren't for him. I actually felt loved by him as though taking care of me made him happy and he wanted to be with me. he is a decade older than me and failed out of high school working 2 jobs for the resources to raise me and get me away from the home when possible. he struggled awhile but now he's a federal judge here in California, a JAG prosecutor in the army reserve, and a criminal justice professor ☺️ I was the high IQ golden child and I'm still struggling with my trauma lol but I'm proud that I'm actually working on myself and I've never really cared to impress people. I just hope to become a healthier person and make the most of what is meaningful to me in life ☺️ it's my dad that REALLY fucked me up and it's only recently that I realized he's genuinely a psychopath. I still love him but I was enmeshed with both parents. I haven't seen either one in 13 years. I can love them from afar lol

thank you for clarification on so many terms. this is fantastic 😻

[belleyupable]

I wish healthy Happy Holidays to everyone here 🎄🎄🎄

[nicoleorton]

Richard G. You are looking wonderful, healthy and intelligent as usual! Thanks so much for helping myself and so many others!! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

[bevscooby]

Hi Richard, something I’ve recently come across which can help the healing process. You know how we all want to please the narcissist in our life for an ounce of validation. I noticed how obsessed we become with a certain niche that they have validated at some point in the relationship. We make sure we know every aspect of whatever they have validated as it becomes our thing that we can feel noticed. It could be anything but it has to be what the narcissist finds special in us. As a narcissist survivor I found music and knowing every word to every song he ever liked would make him listen and be impressed with me. I now know I dipped into my brain to become so good at something that I can actually put this into place for myself. They opened a door to a superpower I never knew I had and speaking to other narcissist survivors I’ve noticed this is a thing and every survivor I’ve spoken too has an uncanny niche of some sort. Just something I wanted to share with you and other survivors out there as turning this to our advantage is a game changer 🤩😊

[rozesaredead]

I just moved out of my boyfriend's narcissistic household (neither of his parents will never admit it, but they are both narcissists). He was their scapegoat, the middle brother was the invisible child, and the youngest was the golden child. Him and his brother took the brunt of everything, while the youngest got away with it all. This video explains so much about his family dynamic.

[paulcory]

Thank you for presenting that. It feels like therapy.

[singstreetcar]

Im subscribed to Darren's youtube page long time and he understands scapegoat abuse and narc family so much.
He is calm and soft spoken which is also a plus😊

[Jen.K]

This was interesting, especially the family roles. I always assumed that I was the scapegoat, and my sister was the golden child, but now I'm realising that is wasn't so straight forward. Both my sister and my mother played an enabling role at times, it's still happening, even though our parents are now in their 90's and we are in our 50's. It's fascinating and frustrating how deep this programming goes. No matter what you learn, when those dynamics get triggered, everyone seems to go unconscious and starts playing their role, me included. I am absolutely sick of it, but they are old, have health problems and are vulnerable, so I'm supposed to put my needs aside and put them first, even though I have my own health issues, which they don't seem to be able to remember. I also get tired of repeating what's wrong with me, but if I don't, they expect me to cater to their constant emergencies, like running low on milk or bread, even though they get weekly grocery deliveries. It's the same ol same ol, and I'm still the scapegoat, even though I have done what I can to make sure they are being taken care of, I am only as good as what I last did for them. They don't even hide it, when I arrive, or before I leave, my mother actually says, hmm! what can I give you to do today, and calls dad to see if he has anything for me to do. But because I'm the scapegoat, and a bad person who never does anything to help, when dad needs help with something, it's always mum who asks me and thanks me, because if he did it himself, he wouldn't be able to keep his image of me as being selfish, ungrateful and the bad one. I've been dealing with this my whole life, it's been awful, but at least now I understand what's been going on, and that it was never my fault, even though I was always told it was.

[harmonyvaneaton]

Love Darrin and LOVE the Trekkie reference!

[almondmilksoda]

Yay! This is the collab I never knew I needed. 🙌🏻

[brightstar]

Deep and multilayered content — loved it! 😍

[GloriousEagle]

my mom denied me to have friends online via video games because they might be predators. i couldnt even play MP because i was so overprotected.
it was never about my saftey it was about isolating me and enmeshing. she could be the hero who comforts when im sad.

[Levandetag]

Thank you, this is so good teaching, kids and us adults, to see the difference.
....and Do different than our parents did, or friends, or co-workers, or bosses aso.
*
(this was the first I learned in ACA, many yrs ago, to see the different roles, we took in as children, thanks to a good friend)
Takes some yrs to make practice of the knowledge. Some never do :)

[donnadragonflytales]

I had an ex once say to me: 'if you don't genuinely agree with me then I don't have a voice'... This opening blew my mind, thank you

[coach_amy]

24:55 - "They appear close.." 25:50 "There's little to no connection..." With most people I've known and know of, it seems there has been either a sense of oblivion as to what "closeness" and "connection" are or else it just doesn't matter to them. I would love an entire series on this alone.
Side note: My ex covert NPD psychopathic partner would tell me pertaining to my saying that I want a close and connected relationship, "Well then BE CLOSE and BE CONNECTED with me!" (I believe my ex didn't even fathom I was talking about. Seemed to assume it just should be that way, per the acting/scripts my ex saw in movies.)

That same person's family-of-origin members were courteous and giving type of surface-Christian people, who no one had anything bad to say about. But for me, I could feel there were many secrets and unspoken agreements (likely from my ex's infancy and early childhood, at minimum). Everyone was completely fine with silence at dinner, and stupid little "polite" seeming sounds and comments (even the parents seemed to have this kind of relationship). I'm sure no one would ever be able to uncover evidence of anything. It felt like a psychological thriller, but no one seemed to notice or be concerned.

My ex seemed pleased and quite secure in the facade, the shell, of their "relationships" and dynamics. Of course, it all supports my ex's false self and hiding of dark secrets--some of which the mother silently and stealthily would cover up/clean up (quite literally)... The mother and I might have been the only one to see my ex's rage; otherwise, on the outside to the unaware, my ex seemed so laid-back and chill, harmless and even naive (quiet, very quiet).

[critter_paws]

(I'm behind) love that specification between validation and collision

[singstreetcar]

I was never suspended from school but i was the bad child
My siblings were suspended from high school and university but nobody did anything to them.
My parents just pretended like nothing happened.

[watkinsinc.]

Catholics, Mormons, ... I believe the problem is religious organizations in general

[msme]

Wonderful insight! Wish I'd heard it 20 years ago. 😐 Thank you!