How To Survive Your Own Narcissistic Family

Ideally, family is who you go to as a place of comfort and refuge. But when families are driven by strong narcissistic personalities, that ideal is shattered. Dr. Les Carter describes seven common patterns inside narcissistic family systems, then offers practical ideas for breaking free from the anger and dysfunction they perpetuate.

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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, Tx. In the past 40+ years he has conducted more than 65,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.

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[mariamarinucci]

I survived but with permanent scars. I have totally disowned them all and my life is much happier now!

[TimErwin]

Everyone: "I can't wait for my family reunion."
Children of Narcissists: "I can't wait to come up with an excuse not to go to my family reunion."

[realhealing]

Dominance supercedes love. There's no love in a narcissistic family. No contact was my only option to save my mental health.

[bq]

The worst thing is where another family member doesn’t see through them and acts as their Go-To flying monkey.

[Quantum]

Setting boundaries in my family was a death sentence. No contact became the only way to survive.. I did all I could to show them loving kindness, but they ate me alive for it. I almost died. My heart goes out to all of us who survived this type of abuse. I'm still working on thriving instead of just surviving. Thank you Dr. Carter, you are saving lives.

[Mmyers]

If you piss a Narcissist off, you’re doing something right…….Keep it up, because you deserve better!

[HotSeat]

Jordan Peterson said, "If someone is not listening to you, stop talking to them."

[GypsyMaeRose]

The only way to survive and thrive from a narcissistic family is to love yourself enough to permanently cut off all contact.

[seventeenraccoons]

I was from a narcissistic family but did not know what narcissism was at the time back in my late thirties (I am 60 now) Well, one Thanksgiving they just completely flipped my switch and I thought I just can't take these people anymore and right before desert I just walked out, got in my car and drove away. I have not had no contact with them since. I understand that it's not for everyone but I have never regretted my decision and have lived a very good life without them.

[briandrake]

Narcs hate boundaries and hate "no".

[krisztina]

Growing up in such families is so miserable! We face all kinds of mental issues early on. I've always felt "robbed" and deprived of my future chances. Possibly many of us never reach our true potential in life. I sometimes wonder if the so-called "normal" family exists at all? ☹

[kristenstewart]

OMG- all the kids of narcissists are SO EXCITED for this one!!! Esp because that usually means some of your siblings turn out narcissistic, aunts, uncles- it's like a disease that spreads and infects everyone!

[Katywampus]

Incredibly accurate description of a narcissistic, toxic, codependent family dynamic.

[Foczee]

"I don't owe you an explanation on anything and I don't have to filter my decisions through YOU" That shuts em up real fast. Thanks Dr. Carter

[kimlarsson]

My family has disintigrated, and I'm totally fine with that.
I don't speak to my sibling,
and my parents are divorced. They don't speak either.
Sometimes I just sigh with relief. Finally, It's all over.
No drama, no headache, no feuds, no anxiety.

[sonnyca]

As I read these comments, I realize I’m not alone. Imparting life skills to a child is perhaps the most important role of the parents. I have lived most of my life under the delusion that I failed my parents when in fact, they are the ones who failed me.

[wanderingfree]

Narcassistic families are hell. 5 years now contact. Anyone struggling with this, please know, it does get better, it does get easier and happiness is just around the corner for you.

[con]

Dr. Carter’s dog is in his place of peace on that couch 😍

[kimlarsson]

Someone mentioned infantilization, and I can totally relate to that.

Becoming an adult was totally weird, cause my parents (especially mom) didn't want me to grow up, but at the same time, I wasn't taken care of on a deeper level.

I was treated like a kid, but in reality, noone really cared.

Very confusing.

Whenever I tried to open up, I was misunderstood or simply ignored. My parents always had something going on that was more important than my feelings.

I can fully understand why narcissistic parents want their kids to be kids forever...

[arenee]

One dominant narcissist is bad enough. Having two dominant ones who are best buds is much worse. They both target me. All the rest of the siblings (I have six in all) are enablers and they scapegoat me. Family was never safe for me, even when growing up. No contact x 4 years and wished I had done it sooner.