This is How Relationships Become Codependent @Charismaoncommand​

Dr. K’s Guide to Mental Health explores Anxiety, Depression, ADHD, and Meditation

#shorts #drk #mentalhealth

[BRyL]

The easiest litmus test for that is asking yourself: "could I possibly feel happy if I didn't make her/him happy." If the answer is no, then you're on a slippery slope to a co-dependent relationship, or you're already there. Deriving the happiness in your relationship purely from your own effort to satisfy your partner is a trap that will one day make you unhappy no matter how much effort you keep putting in. They need to make the effort too. Saying "your happiness is my happiness" is fine only if you're absolutely sure it goes both ways.

[samysue]

Literally the dynamic between my mom and her husband. The neighbors are always worried they will get a divorce but my mom and my step dad are so afraid to leave each other that they just laugh it off after they call each other morons and yell at each other over a mistake one of them made. And then my actual dad is a video game addict who married an alcoholic who’s slowly killing herself to death and has a hoarding problem with animals. And because he was really abusive to my sister she just abuses him and he takes it and lets her walk all over him. It’s just an awful dynamic and I am so glad I can have the awareness to make a better future for myself.

[ML-HS]

This was me long time ago. Now I see many of my friends stuck in these types of relationships where they are so bonded they don't want to leave because of all the effort they put in. All the time. They have been together for so long they don't know who they are without them. He depends on her for emotions and she depends on him for security while enduring hell and vice versa allowing for a lot of things to slide and gloss over lies. Never question anything because it will be like teasing a tiger or a dragon. They don't want cause chaos. Children born two codependent parents will get short end of the stick and will end up resenting them to the max. Unless they break up.

[HaveaBiscuitt]

“Mhm 😐” lol I know the guy is just listening to Dr K in this clip, but I burst out laughing at his brief appearances 😂

[julyol]

Yeah, that would be my ex. He gradually alienated all of his friends and I was basically the only person he socialised with. And he'd try and make me hang around him as much as he could. After failing school he also sabotaged my education by whining every time I needed to study and couldn't be at his place. The not so subtle suicide threats were just the cherry on top.

Oh, and obviously I couldn't meet any friends or just spend time alone, because, didn't I love him? Didn't I want to spend every minute with him and be there for him in the hard times? Hard times that his gaming addiction and his refusal to do anything about it caused and that never ended. And the more miserable he became, the more controlling he became as well. "I just want you to be there." Like his dog or something? I am a person with a life. Nothing in my life has ever been as draining and as boring as the years of this relationship.

My current partner also has depression and his own set of problems. But he takes responsibility for it. And my help and me being there doesn't feel pointless, because he doesn't treat it as implicit. Nor does he ever act entitled to it. And he actually works on those issues, just as I do on mine.

[G.r.e.g.g.l.e.s]

Years ago, I was that toxic one, not realizing what I was doing, and she enabled it entirely. I never blamed her if something went wrong, but she never spoke up until it was too late and she wanted to break up

[nologogo]

If you moved your subtitles up a hair, they’d be above your username, making your content more addictive

[jordanpenner]

People should be responsible for their own feelings. If they're not they're not ready for a relationship. I would get out of the relationship he describes immediately

[JakeB-Real]

This happened to me hardcore. Thank you for articulating it so well.

[Anukii]

I had to finally accept my friendship of over a decade with a friend was heavily codependent when I took a break & time to myself after yet another instance of there being a problem from me not making them feel better enough & that lead to the end of the friendship 💀 I feel so free now. Saddened, but ultimately free.

I’ve long enabled it & it became my normality. Being out of it now? Never again. I will never allow this level of emotional dependence again. You should not be waiting for me to make your days brighter & you happy.

[Whoiskimb]

My man looks engaged and confused at the same time😂

[zmani]

This video is unsettling. I'm not sure how to react. Why did you make me feel this way??!!! lol

[noma]

This is weird timing, 2 days ago i broke up with my GF becouse of this reason, this is comforting becouse even tho I know it was for the best i feel sad we couldn`t make it

[ewyouexist]

i'm afraid that this is me... and i don't want to lose my loved one because of this. i keep trying to be better but i fail every single time.

[morrisahj]

A very tricky dynamic to get in & out of no doubt

[pyeclam]

Just ended a relationship because I couldn't get over the severe amount of trauma my partner had suffered. I started growing resentful because of all the negative ways her trauma would manifest and I had to end it. The second I realized that me being with her would actually hurt her more, it made my decision easier. I can't undo her trauma nor can I force her to even confront it with a therapist. She may or may not ever get better and it really sucks because she's an amazing person, but I know I can't take on that burden.

[dericflairmultiverse]

Omg I went through this and holy shit you can never do anything right when they project their past trauma on you

[IgorJCorrea]

are we getting full vods for this talk and the one with ludwig?

[orbismworldbuilding]

There's also the mutually codependent relationship, where you both do this. It sounds or might seem healthy on paper but it isn't because you can't take care of yourself in that relationship, and it easily ends up like a one-sided codependency if one of you is going through harder times than the other

[dorkaboise]

I always find this codependent stuff weird. My parents have been married for coming up to 35 years now and they are each others best friends. They also work in the same building (different department) and do most stuff together. They have their own hobbies too independently but they spend 98% of time at least in the same building as each other. They also have lunch together every day at work.
Are they codependent then? Like I don't get it. I think this is such a hyper-individualistic view. When you're building a LIFE with someone you have to trust them a rely on them to a certain extent. It's not supposed to be *your* life and *my* life and just occasionally run into each other. It's supposed to be *our* life. So then we're both responsible to make each other happy and build the best life possible for both of us.
I don't get how that's 'toxic'????
I have been through narcissistic abuse (categorised as such by my therapist) and being able to trust that my current partner will actually keep my safety, health AND happiness in mind when making decisions is amazing and makes me feel safe, not like I'm walking on eggshells all the time.