Why The Dismissive Avoidant Takes You For Granted (1/2) | Dismissive Avoidant Attachment

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In this video I talk about the 7 key reasons a dismissive avoidant might take someone for granted in any kind of relationship.

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I’m Thais Gibson, welcome to my channel and thank you for stopping by!

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[stephaniehalkyard]

All I can say is that when being in a relationship with a DA I’ve never felt more in love but also extremely anxious and insecure all at the same time. It’s exhausting.

[athum]

The thing that bothers me about DAs is that they won’t acknowledge how their treatment affects other people. It’s always the partners fault for feeling that way or making them treat the partner that way. It’s so toxic. I know not all are like this, but it is a common theme for them.

[briandickson]

Dismissive avoidant types require someone that can handle non-communicative love language--and that person also needs to be super perceptive and read them because they can't open up. Something also happened to them to make them entirely unavailable and un-empathetic so honestly, if you want to jump in and test those waters, by all means swim at your own risk.

The DA can look like they're the ones going all in at the beginning because it's fun and superficial, but as it becomes serious, that's when the other side finds themselves people-pleasing/being the pushover. It's like you get blinded by something so bright and shiny but then as your eyes adjust, they're starting to walk away and you're entirely confused. The DA is quietly dettaching, avoiding the conversations needing to be had, likely thinking about the exit strategy before the more other side is.

Personally, I hold my ground and refuse to be a doormat anymore; so I'd rather just find someone up my alley than have to deal with this type of person again. Nothing against them though, that's just the way they developed. If there's the signs of this tilt starting to show, no matter the sex, the fun times, or their personality, it's a character fit that's not working. Respectfully walk away!

[AA-eyxw]

I tried bringing up compromises, but he kept stonewalling me. Eventually, I left because it was too damaging to my self-esteem. I still miss him tho, and i kinda hope he'll come back when he's willing to work through his issues 😔

On the bright side, I'm pouring all the time and love i reserved for him into myself now, and working on healing my childhood trauma

[howtosober]

Every time I tried to get a DA to open up about their needs and fears so I could be conscious of them and be supportive, they acted like I was out to get them. No matter what I did they always assumed I had some nefarious motive and competed with me as an adversary instead of cooperating as a team. I don't have time for the constant being taken for granted, the suspicion, the stonewalling, the passive aggressiveness, the nitpicking, the contempt, the emotional blackmail and the whole rest of their bag of tricks anymore. It wouldn't even matter if it eventually worked and turned into a functional relationship, because by then the cost I paid is way too high for whatever piddly return on the investment I may or may not get. The only DA worth being in a relationship with is a former DA that already did the work to heal their attachment style and no longer does these things. Otherwise you might as well go find yourself a narcissist. The experience in relationships with either is nearly identical.

[williamdew]

If you are dealing with these people, get rid of them, until they grow up learn to fix theirselves and learn to communicate an quit taking you for granted

[alfahniqueteigen]

The boundaries keep moving. No compromising it's always about their comfort. They aren't the only one with fears, they need to be in relationships with each other and leave everyone else out of it.

[catherine]

thank you for this video. As a DA myself I do go through a tremendous amount of guilt for the pain I've caused others. I meant no harm and only thought i was doing the right thing in protecting myself. I hope with your videos help not only DAs but their partners understand that the intention is not to harm. A lot of us are very damaged and want so badly to have a healthy attachment. I struggled for years to correct my behavior and only recently with my partner have been able to work through these issues.

[sofi]

He's way too cold for me to continue chasing after him and getting absolutely nowhere. I quit 💔

[vesennyaa]

My only wish is never ever lose time of my life and start relationship with any DA again. Therefore, a video about how to notice and understand attachement style on the first dates would be much appreciated 🙏🏻

[BaladyDogs]

"Preoccupied with their own space" = self centered

[michaelnash]

Yep. Was with mine for 6 years, married for just 2 and she left and come back 3 times. This time she said she’s not coming back. Left, took everything and completely cold. Changed her number and blocked me on everything. After the fight I slept in the spare room for a week as I was very disrespected. (Don’t do that as they will leave you thinking your about to leave them) I had no intentions of leaving her. I wanted her to actually apologise for once and should have known they don’t apologise. They have no empathy. I will never be with a Da again. It’s absolutely heartbreaking. It’s unbelievable how someone you know and love so much can do that over a small argument. It’s actually evil. Messed up.

[PS-xbhc]

It is very important to work on ourselves but when you encounter a DA in your life and you start feeling you cannot handle them it is also your responsability to leave to protect yourself. I adore a DA but I started to feel taken for granted it infuriated me. I had to go. I'm working on myself and my codependency.

[Kimberlyelayyne]

It's hard to have an open conversation when the DA won't even open up to talk about their needs.:(

[inezwandita]

Reading the comments, I think we need to differentiate a person's attachment style and their ability to introspect and learn to be more self-aware.

Generalizing people who couldn't have these kind of conversation doesn't make them DAs, it just makes them a person with little self awareness. And I'm sure we can find them in other attachment style too.

If they are a douche, they are a douche, DA or not DA.
Maturity and self awareness could coexist within any problematic attachment style. That makes them a work in progress with potential.

[walkertranger]

I’m as genuine as it gets . People pleasing should not be confused with meeting someone’s needs.
Real love is selfLess… it comes at great expense to oneself.
The DA doesn’t understand the meaning of selflessness or sacrifice…. They are selfish and borderline narcissistic.

[qomkckh]

Honestly I'm burned-out and tired of this hot and cold BS.

[xXEternallyForeverXx]

I'm a Fearful Avoidant with a Dismissive Avoidant partner. It's painful when he pulls away. It always makes it feel like I'm the problem. Like my emotions are too much. I have to say that if you have a partner that can't handle your emotionals, it's painful. I've had another Dismissive Avoidant partner before and it turned out all the space I was giving him kind of led him to cheating with other people. I don't know what it means to be in a healthy relationship with a Dismissive Avoidant but it sure is gambling. I feel like if you had to second guess yourself on the relationship, it might not be worth it. If your DA is really trying, you'll notice it. There's a difference between action and words though. Don't be sweet talked into believing potential. See results. See progress. My partners always talked about it being better or they're not like that all the time, although that may be true, if you have a lot of core wounds like I do, everytime he does that I get triggered hardcore. 😪 It's a struggle.

[TheGalilee]

Had 2 LTRs with DAs and never again. They do not compromise. They gaslight you & do what they want. It’s them or nothing.

[navymed]

I definitely won't be with a DA ever again. I see their retreating and stonewalling as destructive to the relationship as cheating.