Highly Narcissistic Parents: Traits & Toxic Impacts

In this video I discuss narcissistic parents harmful traits that cause long term harm, childhood trauma and CPTSD.

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For over 45 Years, Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC has helped 1000s of People in the Same Situation as You… As a family system and self-differentiation coach, he uses his knowledge to help clients permanently get unstuck from family-of-origin dysfunction, cultivate healthy relationships and build a true sense of self.

DISCLAIMER: This video is not intended to substitute for professional counseling help. Be sure to consult a professional in helping you with these integrate and utilize these concepts.

🔥Access my FREE Training - "Build The Differentiated-Self You Were Never Allowed To Have!"

[jerrywise]

👇🏼Join 'The Scapegoat Recovery Workshop' on December 2nd

[katiekade]

Growing up with a narcissist is such a nightmare....!!!!

[martinmartin]

Growing up w a narc parent that has sadistic tencencies and lack of compassion is the unsafest you can feel.

[lockedintogod]

Lost my mom at 15. She was a good mother. After this
my father kept leaving me at people's homes. I could never understand this. Guess this meant he did not have to change his life to parent. One day after he collected me from a place I stayed I said you know dad I realised alot about family...he cut me off, told me to be quiet. What did that have to do with anything. After that I seldom spoke, started acting out, he seldom spoke to me. For years I just battered around, had some horrible things happen to me. Each time he drew away from me more. 30 years later he expects me to show up for him. Almost demands it, refuse to anymore, its like he wants my soul..so glad I found God. It was God who helped me find myself.

[nancybartley]

Toxic families exist on a continuum. We listen to these videos and feel our situation wasn't exactly as described and this makes us doubt that our families damaged us. We have to remember that no two families are alike, but the damage still occurs. If we are struggling, we probably did not have the scaffold that loving parents would have provided us in childhood that would help us to cope when life throws hard times at us. We fall apart and think something is wrong with us and something is. Realizing that even though my family isn't exactly as Jerry describes but that I am exactly as he describes has forced me to admit that the environment in which I grew up is responsible for a large part of who I am. Sorry for being so long-winded, but I am trying to share this with those of you who can't heal because you keep blaming yourself for your reaction to life. Yes, we are responsible for our reaction but we are not responsible for creating those reactions. We can be responsible for changing them. The sooner I stop blaming myself and start realizing that my childhood created me, the sooner I can start changing the war inside me that keeps me feeling all those things Jerry describes. The trauma bond to our families has to be broken before we can be free to heal.

[aaronwright]

I do, definitely, relate to this. This is spot on! I was the scapegoat. Fear of everything is what I’m working on.

[singwithoutlimits]

Thank you. I think it's also important to know these because - after growing up with a narcissistic parent - I have found myself over and over again in narcissistic relationships and friendships. So, being able to identify these traits in others or being able to identify my response to the behaviors of others is crucial.

[gem]

Thank you Jerry. Almost all of these. I’m 55 & went no contact for the final time in February this year. Narc mother & totally dysfunctional & enabling relatives & their friends (which they talk crap about) have taken enough of my life from me. What a sick sick sick show this has been! I’m mad at myself for not getting away & staying away from them sooner but I didn’t have the strength & self worth that I do now. So many years wasted though, holding on to the hope for a close, real, loving relationship with “family”. There’s no way I could be around any of them at this point. Y’all stay mean & horrible & miserable & chaotic over there…I’m out

[mariadaquila]

My narcissistic Mother is a compulsive liar. Recently made a remark that love kills. I told her then it’s not love. I asked her to see a therapist, but she refuses. I’m no contact now.

[msbg]

Both parents were narcs. Never had any friends who really knew them. I was treated badly for having close friends as a child..no one can really know really who they are. I also remember when they hurt me they enjoyed it. Very sad growing up this way. And we were super religious. I think these people are attracted to strict religions.

[sirrantsalott]

This list can also apply to any narcissist. It’s a good red flag detector list too.

[hlyspiritual.sweetheart]

speaking of God...

This is the way I view things;
Jerry, anyone who comes across your presence has been exclusively touched by an angel
although I cannot imagine what that bright-blue eyed boy endured
I am ecstatic that you made it out! sought healing inside out and now equipped and fully in your mission to SNAP others out of self-blame and loathing and into their awakening to ultimately build that kingdom of light
here you deserve these and more Mr. Wise💐💫

[meanimeconingles]

My father worships my mother. And even beat me up for not worshiping that soulless.
I told him: "she is just a human, not God".
Imagine, I had to pay the price.
The thing I hate the most of them is that they come back from their church trying to manipulate me into going to it. I told them a thousand times. "You can do anything you want, I have the same right". (Of course I had to pay the price).

[TM-dhum]

I'm re-experiencing my abusive and neglected childhood right now, at 60 years old. My own life collapsed and I've been thrown back on the non-existent emotional support of my family of origin. I've also somehow become trapped into a role full-time, live-in carer to my vulnerable narcissist elderly mother. which I never volunteered for nor asked for, while my siblings go about their lives and only pop in to check if I'm working hard enough for mum. They just don't see me or care about me except as a 'role'. I've been a virtual prisoner of mum's house for almost 2 years and there's no safe escape route for me. I'll lose the will to live unless I fight every single day to self-protect. Your videos are wonderful Jerry and i'm very grateful for all the free content you provide. I wish I could afford your personal help. I'm sure some support would benefit me greatly and help to break the isolation open for me. I grew up as the invisible child, but now I know the horror of being scapegoated by your whole family, I can't recommend either of them to anyone. Narcissism is like a silent pandemic. So many people have had their lives ruined by it.

[sheilajac]

I have a good example( of callousness/cruelty/sadism; I was about 4 and my mom said/did something mean ( i can't remember what and not sure I remember this incident myself, or if i remember it b/c my mom told me about it, as if it was funny, which she had a lot of "stories" she'd tell that were obvious examples of cruelty to anyone else listening but that she obviously had zero insight or awareness of and/or even thought were funny when they were not funny) - I told her she had hurt my feelings, to which she replied, mocking me "where are your feelings?" I said I didn't know, and she responded "well If i hurt your feelings, you must know where they are, otherwise how do you know i hurt them"? to which I responded by pointing at the lump in my throat, saying it hurt there, so that had to be where my feelings were. I suspect she laughed at me and am 100% sure she did not apologize, because she never, once apologized for ANYTHING, ever. She was always right, at my expense. Even 40 years after she assaulted me when i was 7-ish, she could not and would not apologize. Even in her 70's she insisted i deserved to be screamed at, have my head banged against the wall and called a stupid little --tch, repeatedly, until i was completely terrified. an if there was a point that i realized i couldn't trust her, i guess that was it. when i think about these 2 incidents (of many) i want to reach out and give that version of me a hug and tell her SHE was right and give her some sort of advice to help but i don't think there was any useful advice i could have given other than "try to make it through, and try not to make them mad because it's only going to get worse if you do". I knew the way i was being treated was wrong from a very young age. I knew i wasn't loved. I tried giving my brother advice once as he was being taken to his room to get the belt right after i got it, which was "don't cry, that's what they want - don't let them know it hurts".

[ClassicTrucker]

My dad wore dress pants everywhere. He worked in a factory it's wasn't a huge place.
All I knew as a boy is I didn't want to be like him.
He was fake.

[heavensarmiesmarc]

I started feeling autonomous at 5 years old lol started dressing myself, started raking leaves and shoveling snow for money at 9! Super brave child. My parents were narcissists and they feared my autonomy 😅😅 I'm watching this for my 2 year old son! I fell for a narcissist 😩💔❤️

[JeanneCraft-gdkr]

My father is a malignant narcissist and my mother is a covert narcissist. Growing up in that home was a complete and utter nightmare! I have survived enormous amounts of physical, emotional and sexual abuse at 53-years-old I finally found a decent therapist who is helping me after several suicide attempts in the past because of what my family put me through and the other people I allowed in my life who treated me horribly because I thought it was normal. I'm grateful to be learning this now but don't know how to come to terms with the fact that my entire life has been miserable because of my own family.

[daydreamer]

Love the new quality of production Jerry.

[lynnbrown]

Once again, your words and wisdom resonate to my core. No one understands generational narcissism like you. Thank you for guiding me on my healing jouney.