Repressed family systems hate authenticity 😶‍🌫️

[Al........]

It's all about the control they want over you.

[ladyred]

Wow. This is exactly the kind of environment I grew up in and ended up being what broke apart my relationship with my family completely. It's a long story but there was basically no room for my kind of person in that dynamic. Me trying to fit in again as an adult broke me, and me trying to just be myself resulted in a lot of condemnation and ridicule.

[lizgen]

This exactly explains what I've wondered about for years: why my differences seemed to be a threat to my family, and I always felt so awful about being "me".
Thanks Patrick, spot on ❤️

[misse]

Sometimes it feels like they're actually saying, "No! You're not allowed to be happy! We don't get to do those things, so neither can you. Get back over here and be miserable with us!"

[gojiberry]

My parents freak out when I start talking about mental health and healthy families. It's like they can see themselves in the examples that aren't.

[pavla]

this is SO true in my FOO. Parents were so threatened by anything new I did and roundly criticized anything new whether thoughts, friends, travel . They tried hard to keep everyone under their umbrella of ignorance so they could feel dominant .

[ardent]

Wow, that’s a great way to put it. They’re intimidated by anyone who lives an authentic life. That explains a lot.

[BooDotBoo]

I was always the weird one and it made me feel so... unattached to my family. I could never figure out why, until I got older and realized, I wasn't weird, I was just different to them and made to feel bad for it.

[houseplantnerd]

I struggled with why I felt my mom was threatened by me. threatened by what I believe, what I want in life, how I dress, my spiritual beliefs.

[MoriKitsune]

"We don't talk about Bruno" because Bruno told the TRUTH, regardless of whether people wanted or would be happy to hear it.

[megansizemore]

Absolutely. Shame and guilt are used to force children in to doing what THEY want. It's done so covertly sometimes that a child doesn't realize what's being done. They are just learning that it's not safe to be themselves 😔

[BookWorm]

You really hit the nail on the head.
The toxic family system will shame, reject, belittle, negate, and criticize you into conformity.
It's no wonder I was so rebellious as a child and rallied against rules and authority. I have been fighting for my autonomy!

[REChronic]

My parents are stealthily toxic like that and I told myself that I’ll never follow their footsteps. But when you pointed out how remarks are framed in these families, I actually felt ashamed. I’ve spoken that way before to my brother and I have anxiety about going against the grain in group settings. It sucks that stuff like this are deeply ingrained in us that we don’t even realize what we’re doing.

[nautica]

They love control. Whenever I was doing something or going somewhere that made me happy, I came home to screaming and yelling over whatever they could come up with. Like me doing something enjoyable for me caused a problem somewhere else.

[bigneon_glitter]

Very true. I haven't spoken to my family in a decade - but I never told them not to call me. If they were kind, curious, & supportive I'd welcome it. But they don't want my presence, they want my compliance - and have only spoken to me in punitive threats. My theory is that authenticity - a space where they have no control - also means accountability for themselves & the damage of their toxic narcissism.

[m.v.]

Omg, my family is always so invalidating towards me. Definitely good practice to deal with extremely difficult people; love turning negative into positives.

[ebd]

OMG Thank you for putting words to what I have been experiencing for almost 60 years. Repressed people hate authenticity. Yes. Authenticity is so freeing to me, yet there is such a price to pay in fighting against norms of conformity, in family, dating and work scenarios. 😭

[persephrotisv.]

Yes! I notice this extends to toxic people in the workplace too. And probably society at large. They’re quick to label and judge your “quirks” when it’s really their own need to conform to avoid feeling vulnerable.

[devlandiablo]

This is EXACTLY what I'm dealing with now, with family members clinging to thought patterns that reinforce unhealthy behaviors that are killing them, keeping their lives small and empty. They really are scared to address that, so they avoid, so the situation gets worse... and because I'm the Fixer I'm supposed to save them but I'm walking away. Cinderella is DONE. Thanks for these videos, they've helped me a lot!

[healthychick]

Hopefully this won't get a BW, grew up in Harlem, NYC. What you are describing, we called it Crabs in a bucket mentality. Growing up I was relentlessly teased and told I wasn't black and a sell out/orea/wanna be because I did my own thing. Liked rock music (all music to be honest), spoke well, was into science, nature, doing things that weren't the"stereotype". This wasn't just my family that treated me like this, any person that was my race would say these things to me. I wasn't allowed to be happy or be an individual and if I was I was seen as a traitor to everyone of my race. I was only allowed to be a victim and be miserable. I wish this was addressed more because it's really harmful.