7 Healthy Family Systems vs Toxic Family Systems

Hi! Many of you asked for a video to contrast My 7 Types Of Toxic Family Systems. Here you go!

Chapters:
0:00 Intro
2:25 Woititz 10 Healthy Vs Unhealthy
6:54 7 Looks Good on Paper / It looks Whatever
8:45 6 Ships in the Night / Cultivate Connection
11:45 5 Anti Love / Love Cherish
13:25 4 Chaos System / Stability System
16:34 3 Toxic Divorce / Healthy Co-parenting
18:26 2 Toxic Single Parent / Conscious Unburdened
20:10 1 Aggressor Codependent / Healthy Conflict & Equality
22:27 Outro

In this video we cover: triggers, childhood trauma, inner child, inner child work, c-ptsd, ptsd, toxic parents, narcissistic abuse, assertion, mind reading, moods, healing, abusive parents, emotional abuse, childhood ptsd, repressed memories, hypervigilance, narcissistic parents, emotionally abusive parents, child abuse, narcissistic father, childhood emotional neglect, abuse, narcissistic mother, single parent, divorce, chaotic family, codependency, healthy parenting, co-parenting, friendship, single parents.

Here is the Janet Woititz book:

Learn more about Patrick Teahan,
Childhood Trauma Resources and Offerings

⚠️ Disclaimer

My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship.

If you are, or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

If you are having emotional distress, please utilize 911 or the National Suicide Hotline
1-800-273-8255

[eleodel]

I started reading parenting books as a kid - people would coo over me 'Oh, you're getting ready to be a mom, how cute'. Ha! Absolutely not! I was imagining a parallel world set of parents, while my real ones raged and lied.
I was trying to hold on to a better potential 'reality'.

[messinalyle]

The healthy versions of all of these toxic family systems all sound the same to me. It reminds me of that literary quote, "All happy families are the same but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

[Katie-mdmh]

"You maybe have a sensitive creative kid who's probably not gonna love being a lawyer." YEAH POPS. YEAH dang im so bitter t.t

[hwilder]

My parents were disappointed with me for being accepted to I was a first generation to go to college.... Later my Dad stopped talking to me for weeks when I got accepted to Yale for grad school, because he thought I was "betraying" him... by my accomplishments were never celebrated or even acknowledged. This behavior was my reference of "parenting".... I had to work really hard continuously to be a better parent for my son. Thank you for your videos!!! they are very helpful.

[MLindsey]

"Toxic parents see their children's emotions as threats." Oof, I felt that one. 🙁 Your content has been helping both me and my husband work through some heavy stuff, so thank you for this and all you do. ❤

[stacey]

12:44 "My favorite definition of love is wanting the person to be free". I often feel like parenting a child is an 18 year long process of letting go, a little bit every day. The day my daughter was born was the day she was the most dependent on me. And I slowly let her go until one day she'll be completely independent. Bittersweet but wonderful.

[mLify]

What's weird is my mom did seek stuff like this out when I was growing up, or she seemed to, she had books galore and said all the right catch phrases, and she was aware of things like codependency, etc., but she never seemed to actually figure it out. She even taught parenting classes, but she was undiagnosed BPD (had all 9 traits) and was either overly rigid or chaotic and violent, and I don't think she was ever really able to take responsibility for those actions. She seemed proud of them and would brag about it, so I was constantly met with this competing dichotomy of Mom Trying to Fix Herself vs Mom Wildly Out of Control And Actively Hurting People. Boundaries were harshly punished. She parentified her children. It was my job to be her emotional caretaker. It's a shame she never got the help she needed, but I have to say...sometimes parents can be looking for answers and never find them. So just being here watching this video is a great start, but you have to actually make an effort to change and do right by your kids. I'm definitely trying and I hope everyone else here finds the answers and peace they're looking for. ♥

[tophatsparrow]

Anti-love family: the toxic adults make you feel like you owe them something.

You're literally giving me the words I need to understand what happened, Patrick. Thank you so much!

[solarsatori]

This man is ICONIC! There's so many things in my life that never had the vocabulary to describe until watching these videos. I never got therapy because I just didn't know how to explain what I went through. Honestly this channel is life changing.

[millville]

Thank you for mentioning 'healthy' single parenting and 'healthy' single-parented kids. Throughout pregnancy and 20 years of single parenting I have seldom heard it included as a 'positive'. Thank you.

[nunulian]

“Parents who wanted to spend time with each other.” 🤯 definitely not how I grew up either.
I need to remember to work on this with my husband.

[brittianyistre]

My mom used to read my diary out loud to people. She thought it was funny, especially when I got mad(she thought I was being dramatic). Broke so much trust and extremely embarrassing.
My family has all these toxic traits.

[christinacarpenter]

“Toxic parents see emotions as threats.”
WOW. That is the most profound thing I’ve heard I believe in the last year. I know in my heart my parents are toxic, but to hear that and think about the reactions they have ever had to my emotion…especially as an adult….I feel like walls have been knocked down.
My emotions of sadness and urgency to see my grandmother dying were met with resistance and anger that I would “cause a show.” They quit talking to me for that…other people there didn’t think I made a big scene. When I raised concerns about my relationship with my parents they wrote me out of their will and my dad said we shouldn’t communicate anymore, but then my mother acted so shocked and surprised when I put up boundaries and distanced myself from her. Looking back, I don’t think my feelings have EVER been validated by my family.

[SFlaidlaw]

Does anyone else go back to these videos again and again? I've healed so much from his content and the books he has recommended.

[helloduffman]

damn just imagining my life now if my parents had a grip on their own mental health or went to therapy like i had to do trying to deal with the shit they put me and my brother through

[Miamikiwi]

"Emotionally healthy parents"
No matter finances or what live brings up, emotionally stable and self conscious parents I feel is the #1 deal to a healthy child enviornment.

[henryahoy]

I just feel so sad. And angry. And then more sad. "Imagine what your life would've been like..." Now my mother's in her 80's and needs help, & I'm apparently the most wonderful person in the world because I'm helping. And I just think of that 15 year old me that needed her help, that wanted her praise, that would have done anything for her love. And see that still, her praise has nothing to do with me, with loving me, it's because I'm helping her. I think for my mental health I have to not help her, it is so triggering. But it's like - can I do that? can I choose what's good for me? It's like a hundred years since I was 15, and the boundaries still don't belong to me

[emerycorner]

Yeah, my mom hates when I have any feeling that is on the negative side. So I end up pushing down my "snarkiness" and "back-talk", building it up, and explode further down the line at something I would've have a lesser reaction to.

[LinYouToo]

This makes me so sad. I remember being a very little girl and asking my mom one day when she was standing at the kitchen sink why she didn’t talk to me. She just shrugged her shoulders. I wasn’t yet in kindergarten; I was very young. Three or four years later they sent our family cat away with a relative. I loved our cat and I was devastated to learn he was gone. As for having family discussions, I remember being woken up at 5 o’clock in the morning by my mom and told that we had to leave to get up and get dressed. But she never told us why. It turned out we needed to get a jumpstart on the day to drive 650 miles away to visit my dad‘s mother. But to a young child I always thought something was happening and we might not ever go home again. Every day goings on in our family were never discussed with us kids. Oh, as for those long drives up and down the freeway, my father would tell me in the backseat pass him a can of beer which he drank while he drove. So very sad.

[ladylo-fi]

This is so accurate and helpful. Currently struggling with feelings of bitterness towards people who were raised by real adults who actually cared about them. Life is so much easier for them. They have no concept of what it's like to be "raised" this way and the level of fuckery it confers on a person throughout their entire life.