How to Spot a Narcissist Enabler: 5 Undeniable Signs

1.) Defending the Narcissist

If you’re upset because the narcissist in your life publicly embarrassed you, an enabler might say:

“You know they didn’t mean anything by it.”

This kind of response not only invalidates your feelings but also excuses the narcissist’s behavior, allowing it to continue without consequence.

2.) Minimizing the Abuse

If the narcissist’s abuse leads you to express feelings of confusion, or low self-esteem, an enabler might downplay your experiences by saying:

“I think you’re exaggerating.”

By refusing to acknowledge the severity of the situation, enablers prevent targets from trusting their perceptions and seeking the help they need.

3.) Discouraging Your Desire for Support

Suppose you decide to join a support group to deal with the effects of the narcissistic abuse.

In that case, an enabler might respond with discouragement, saying:

“Do you really think airing our dirty laundry in public is going to help?”

This discouragement is a clear sign of enabling behavior designed to keep the status quo and prevent the target from realizing the full extent of the narcissist’s control.

4.) Pressuring You to Comply with the Narcissist’s Demands

If the narcissist decides on a sudden life change that significantly impacts you—like moving to a new city with little discussion—the enabler might say:

“You should just go along with it. You know how much it means to them.”

Enablers in this context act as mediators who, instead of fostering understanding and compromise, push you to submit to the narcissist’s agenda to keep the peace, often at your own expense.

5.) Use of Guilt

If you express a desire to spend the holidays with your own family instead of the narcissist’s, an enabler might say,

”But you know how much it means to them. How could you even think about not being there?”

It’s a clear sign of enabling when someone makes you feel guilty for asserting your needs or boundaries, especially when it goes against the wishes of the narcissist.

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[Aljoy]

That’s the Catholic faith in a nutshell