Men vs Women in a Breakup: Who Suffers More?

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Did you know that men and women respond differently to breakups? My brother Stephen and I talked about recent research that showed differences in how men and women process emotional pain, how long they take to recover from heartbreak, and how likely they are to want to get back together.

Of course, we are all individuals, and our response will also be determined by our own personality and experiences, but it's always interesting to see these general patterns of male and female behaviour and whether they conform with our stereotypes.

What do you think? Have you noticed any of these differences in your own relationships?

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[Sarachouska]

The person who was the most invested in the relationship.

[agat]

"Women fall in love in a man's presence. Men tend to realize they are in love in a woman's absence."
"Women care too early and men care too late."
that's the history of my last serious relationship....nothing to save now

[bobbybalogne]

I am a man and I felt real physically pain after my breakup... I never knew emotions could make you feel so physically ill and in pain.

[JH_]

I was in a relationship for 7 yrs and we broke up due to his betrayal and now its been 2 yrs and i am still not healed whereas he has moved on and married. I think it depends on how much you have invested on that person and how much effort you put into that relationship that takes longer to heal.

[kemigishaloyce]

I think the one who cares and loves the most, suffers the most 😥.

[SolomonPrestige]

Broke up 3 weeks ago. I am in hermit mode. Introspecting my part in the realtionship breakup. Recalling my errors.. the times I hurt her. I Have no intention of looking for another relationship. Heal, to not bring baggage to a new relationship.. Self acceptance. Self improvement.

[lp]

As a woman I do think women suffer more at first but in my own experience once I grieved and processed everything and I'm healed I truly move on. Once I'm done I'm done for good. Never have I ever gone back to an ex. Not once in my entire life . I always feel like I mature a bit more after a brake up and I genuinely just close that chapter. I have some male friends that I have seen struggle over a brake up much later while their ex truly moved on.

[mybagoftheday]

I was so miserable in my relationship for years, that when I finally left, it was a relief. I shed no tears. I got my life back.

[jugy]

I think what this discussion has failed to mention is that women have a tendency to mourn the relationship over a long period of time attempting to salvage it before coming to the conclusion of ending it, therefore, when it ends, it is not sudden, but it has been a long while coming.

[Erlymroz]

The break up was a huge blindside. I was 15 weeks pregnant and he (no kidding) very abruptly walked out of my life and shut every door we ever had. I ended up miscarrying from the literal heart break. But I began to figure out how unhappy I was with him. I lost myself completely and started living through his life and he had very different goals than me. Even though losing him and my baby is hard (happened 3 days ago) I feel really strong and courages about it. I can begin into feel like myself.

[aliahalissajensen]

I also read in a study that men's grieving-period is more characterized by anger. Where women tends to blame themselves more. - Ruminating over things she might have done differently. - or not.

[kathysalvatori]

Also, women usually “have already checked out of the relationship way before she leaves it, therefore, she will be perceived as “getting over it” faster

[lemonaera]

the fact that the person is the one who courted you, but not the most invested one in the relationship is so sad

[meemz]

after reading the comments i feel i’m not the only one who’s in pain💔

[marioct]

I think men suffer more long term, permanent damage because our society does not raise men to be vulnerable, introspective. They often won't seek help, process their feelings and behaviors and so they jump into new relationships, sleep around, keep busy. But they don't heal or change. Women in general will take their healing time, seek help, share with sisters, and look for change...

[Pacifica]

As a woman, my self-work post-breakup was not progressing for years because I didn't have close female friends to talk to about it. Not all women have this to help them along.

[danny-eojq]

I think it all depends on who initiated the breakup. I feel like the dumper always feels relief/happiness after they leave, and the dumpee is left feeling worthless and devastated in most cases. The dumper will probably be excited to go out and "explore" the new options at their disposal while the person who was dumped will begin to process the breakup first. From what I've seen, the dumpee is the one that levels up after a breakup because they work on themselves and genuinely want to improve while the dumper initially fills the void with random distractions to convince themselves they made the correct choice, and maybe experiences remorse 3-4 months down the road.

[ladybird]

Women suffer more in the beginning, men start months later.
Months went by me living in pain and confusion and I was so relieved when my depression turned into anger, fury then slowly I let it go and moved on.
By
During my grieving period he was living the best of his life and carried on inflicting even more pain.
By the time I started to get up and to heal, he went through half a dozen women and slowed down then went into depression, regret, guilt and was begging for a second chance. Just when I finally started to let him go!
Totally messed up and dragged me down with him. The second time what helped that he called me names for not forgiving him and not giving him another chance. That immediately sobered me up and moved on so easily as the wind blows.
He is still miserable and in depression, after 1 year, and hoping to get together. Me? Totally neutral now to him, like he'd never be in my life. Guess, if he wouldn't cut that deep into my heart and wouldn't walk over me so easily and coldly, I might missed him, but now I just miss the time I wasted on him.

[larahamilton]

I think it depends on the psychological make up of each person regardless of their gender. Being unable to heal and move on, is proportional to the degree of childhood trauma. However and Interestingly, I’m in my early 60s surrounded by unhappy lonely men, while the woman in my circle are happier staying single.

[jpg]

This is spot on. As a woman, I suffered immensely after my recent break up. I am talking panic attacks, getting physically sick, quitting my job, full on depression. I’m nearing the 3 month mark of my break up and although I’m still feeling that pain... I also have processed so much of what went wrong. What didn’t work, and ultimately why it was a good choice to end the relationship. I know my ex has been dating around. He did that almost immediately and he has also tried to reach out and I have avoided all contact except for one moment of weakness when I responded to an email. But... I guess what I am trying to say is that my healing process has been all encompassing and intense. Therefore, I feel like once I genuinely get over it... I truly will be over it. I will always feel sad at the fact that things didn’t work out because it’s not like it was just a relationship that didn’t pan out and oh well. No, this was the person that I saw myself building a life, a future with, and growing old with. I will keep growing and as a woman I can say that I have been feeling all of my emotions and letting them come and go as they please and simply trying to observe them without judgment. I wish my ex all of the best, but from afar.