5 Signs Someone is Gaslighting You, Explained by a Therapist

Today we’re talking about gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a term that I believe has been used way more today with current events and the increased recognition of interpersonal partner violence, despite being coined in the late 1930s.

Gaslighting is a tactic to essentially gain control over a person. Whether it is in the workplace or politics, gaslighting has been most demonstrated in intimate relationships. The key sign of gaslighting is someone denying the reality of another person. Its focus is to undermine a person by denying them their feelings, environment, and even their own thoughts.

[mxxdprints]

This is definitely a word I have to google every fifteen days. Thanks for shedding some light on it and how it affects people in these sort of abusive relationships

[evelina]

“Narcissists will destroy your life, erode your self-esteem, and do it with such stealth as to make you feel that you are the one that's letting them down.”

[mvnorsel]

Ignoring people is sometimes more enjoyable that seeing them.

[kristieheineman]

You've got to remember, a lot of times you cannot go to family members. They're usually the ones that had abusive tendencies that caused you to be attracted to someone who does the same things. I would not recommend going to your family in most cases. Go to friends and a counselor for clarity. ❤️❤️❤️

[chrisbreslin]

Eliminated personal relationships and all this nonsense went away. I'd rather be alone and happy than be alone in a relationship.

[Mia]

Very cool video A month ago, I ended a five-year relationship. My soulmate made the decision to walk away from me, and even though I've done everything in my power to get him back, I can't help but feel disappointed because I can't see my life with anyone else. I want to say that I've tried everything to stop thinking about him, but I simply can't. I miss him so much and I don't know why I'm saying this here.

[sharonbrianpheiffer]

I think gaslighting needs to be expanded to other relationships. Parental, Children, Siblings, Friends, Teachers, etc.

[bencarr]

I was the victim of gaslighting for the last several years of my 13yr marriage. I constantly struggled to make her happy and figure out what I was doing wrong, but got vague responses like, "We need to grow together and you're not growing", and "your depression is negatively affecting me and my personal goals". The reality is that it was all about money, but she would never come out and say it so instead withheld intimacy and affection as punishment. I endured that cruelty for 4 years, still trying, but when she asked for a divorce the last time I said yes and moved out as soon as I could. She'd already threatened divorce on multiple occasions and so this last time I was ready with an escape plan and I refused to engage her beyond the requirements of legal and financial disentanglement.

[davidm]

My narcissistic ex-wife would accuse me of telling her how to feel and made me feel like I was gaslighting her.

Projection is also a tool of narcissism and can be used with gaslighting.

:(

[crzystar]

The USA is currently gaslighting its citizens! 😂

[piehound]

From my experience gaslighting is much more prevalent than only in intimate relationships. It's the foundation of much of today's society. No matter what you do or where you go . . . the setup is such that whatever happens to you . . . it was your own fault. EXCEPT when you accomplish something worthwhile. In that case you must share credit with others.

[marksatterfield]

Huge warning! If you wind up confiding in a long term "friend", you might be confiding in a toxic person who has kept you in a toxic life. While your advice is common, I've heard way too many times of people leaning towards believing toxic friends. Be careful.

[jonathanpardoe]

I am in total support of helping people understand gaslighting. At the beginning you point out that this is experienced by men and women but sadly there is much less support for male victims. I have seen men emotionally destroyed by controlling gaslighting women and some even experienced physical violence, or were driven to suicide attempts. Because they were decent men they refused to be physical back, and when they sought help were faced with prejudice, laughter, derision and further damage to their self confidence. One man I know only had the strength to leave the relationship when their wife got angry that his mother was speaking to him and so she started sending his mum death threats. Obviously the physical aspects are more usual when the man is the perpetrator but the world needs to understand that this type of behaviour has no gender and can happen to men and women. We need more male shelters and better support for both genders (or other genders as I’m sure those who identify as something else are equally likely to be gaslit).

[trekforphotos]

2 years ago I got out of a 28 year psychological and emotional abusive marriage. I didn't know what Gaslighting was and could never really explain what was really going on. I seen a video on Gaslighting a year ago and I finally understood Gaslighting is spot on of what I been through for 28 years

[Steve-fgiq]

Good video. The only trouble is people who genuinely have issues and need therapy are saying others are gaslighting them. There's a woman I cared a ton for and wanted a relationship with, but she would hear people say things they didn't say. It happened often enough that I brought it to her attention. She took it poorly and unfortunately used this gaslighting word to turn me into a villain.

[ernestopulido]

Listing to this makes me feel a knot in my chest, anger and frustration, because thats exactly what my wife dose, and my vocabulary it's not as extended so it's difficult for me to explain it, but this describes it perfectly I can't believe it. I literally feel anger as I'm writing this and frustration.

[black_sheep_nation]

8:15 there is a caveat with going to a family member. Sometimes, those family members are part of the same triangulation, trauma creating circumstances. It can drive the victim into further isolation.
Alot of times, the gaslighting ARE the family relationships, not partner relationships, and, one is usually the root that leads to the other.
My recommendation, DON'T GO to family members. Rather, a good friend that you trust, or privately seek a trauma therapist.

[BendnStretchwithSue]

Gaslighting is sooo sad and awful. Loved your explanation of it! Thanks for sharing this :)

[adamg]

My older brother is a gaslighter. It just comes naturally to him unfortunately. Evil man

[AerayLumm]

As someone who has that one time done these things… And then learned about them, I can say that for the most part people who do this have no idea what they're doing. It's not intentional… They are reacting from an emotional place they don't understand. But it's just as confusing for us as it is for you. Also I know what it feels like to have this done to me now… And it's so infuriating and confusing! I totally understand.