Esther Perel explains why couples fight | SVT/TV 2/Skavlan

Belgian psychotherapist and relationship expert Esther Perel talks about why and how couples fight in this episode of Scandinavian talk show Skavlan.

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[lotuskoko]

What is the fundamental definition of self-esteem? It's your ability to see yourself as a flawed person and still hold yourself in high regard.

[TheEmmakathryn]

I love that everyone is just sitting back letting her talk without interrupting. This is one of the best interviews I've ever seen.

[taichiwellnessonline]

I love her. I love her work. I love her purpose. Humanity needs her.

[vladimirgoodness]

1:00 Three key groups of things that are underneath those plot lines:
-power and control
-closeness and care
-respect and recognition
6:45 Negative escalation
-attack-blame-deffend
Positive escalation
-talk about what you feel, not About what other person did
10:52 1) The person who leaves has the right to go, but they have to be the one who come back
2) Apology
3) Letter writing
Self esteem is your ability to see yourself as a flawed person and still hold yourself in high regard

[sweetsalara]

I never get tired of listening to this woman!

[sheemakarp]

I love how the guys all look intrigued and slightly terrified at the same time. Esther is sooo right when she says that we cannot progress in relationships without including the men. These guys look ready. Welcome!

[farahnaazoemar]

Amazing how she gets down to the core of things in such a short amount of time. She's incredible. She lifts my spirit after feeling down.

[newpathspsychology-creatin]

At 1:00 Esther names the 3 REAL topics couples fight about (1) Power and Control (2) Closeness and Care (3) Respect and Recognition. BOOM 💥 ... The Interviewer did not even acknowledge that, goes straight to the next question !!! I could not believe it. Not even a Mmmh, Aha OMG 🤦‍♂️... frustrating when someone disregards what you just said ...

[thabfu]

This woman is a genius. A strong woman who know the peaceful place where women and men can co-exist and be happy.

[ebbyc]

"You can't clean the dishes when you've got all the dishes in the sink at the same time"
Damnnn. That is eye opening.

[nickvtguitar]

This woman is amazing, she needs to be on TV 24/7

[RantTherapist]

This woman has got the it factor. She is EXACTLY what we need in these polarizing times.

[sandra]

Esther is the real deal. The gentleman on her right broke my heart when he said his wife wants him to know she is right and he is wrong. He avoided answering the question “do you fight back?”, and instead responded by saying said his wife knows his every weakness. Who are we to say another is wrong? Even if there is a logical argument which proves another wrong, what is the point? When you know another’s weaknesses, the fabric of their soul and where the threads are damaged or worn thin, we have a great responsibility to at minimum do no further harm. And ever so carefully, we can start to weave our own threads in places where they are bare.

[bodybalancer]

9:50 “a mans who’s angry is a man who’s in charge, a woman who’s angry is hysterical”

[cristinalacoste]

Eshter is plugged on on the ground floor. Her talks are always illuminating. What a wonderful counselor she must be.

[pieternel]

'what is self esteem? it's the ability to see yourself as a flawed person and still hold yourself in self-regard". Esther Perel. Thanks for uploading. Very good piece of a wonderful woman.

[ioannak.]

1:00 3 key groups of every problem
1:48 maximazers VS minimazers
2:05 Its about ENERGY
2:30 What is bickering? [= chronic picking]
2:51 Example of Bickering (you use criticism instead of your wish)
3:22 Method "Kitchen Sinking"
3:53 Leads in 2 things
- Conformation Bias (scanner)
- Fundamental attribution error
(mine is circumstance – ur is characterological)
6:36 Can people fight better? (2 types of escalations)
- Negative escalation pattern: ATTACK - BLAME - DEFEND
7:41 First Solution: Turn REACTING to LISTENING
Talk about FEELING instead of WHAT THE OTHER
PERSON DID OR DIDN'T DO
8:51 Do women and men fight differently?
10:11 What is a good way to end a fight?
12:52 What is the definition of self-esteem?
14:22 What is the difference between not being dead and being alive?
- Its not just to be surviving but to thriving

Comment and like if you want

[amandabrisbane]

She is very smart lady.
It is true that one cannot reason with an angry Individual.

[kalokagatija]

I'm watching this, and I don't even have a partner to fight with.

[nichole]

As Esther was describing how her father handled arguments with her mother, it made me tear up. My father was just like that with my mother.