Childhood Trauma And Damaged Sense of Identity

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Attentive parents nurture their children's interests, and reflect back positively on a child's unique personality and interests. If you were neglected in childhood, you may be living with a damaged or limited sense of identity. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who has trouble knowing who she is and what she wants in her life. Hear my suggestions for becoming fully herself, and allowing her life to blossom.

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[margaretmcclellan]

I watched Quiet Girl last night b/c I trust you; it was excellent!!!
Thank you for being here for all of us- you are a force of positivity ❤.
Also doing BLE because of trust in you- it’s awesome!
Your Daily Practice has changed my life and is filled with surprises; I have a special notebook for‘meditation notes’- little nuggets that appear like magic during my 20- minute meditation. Then, I watch you on YouTube as an ‘appointment with my own personal therapist’- you always inspire and help with your kindness and understanding.
THANK YOU, Anna, for creating this channel and for sharing your gifts and wisdom!
You are the strong supporter we all need (and never had).

[MaryBethPetra]

At 57, I still wake up every day and wonder...when is my life going to start?

[IanDoesMagic]

The lack of awarwness from parents who screwed up your childhood is doubly frustrating because not only will they never allow themselves to grasp how harmful they were, their narrative is almost always that you were and remain the problem.

It's very hard to live with that and stop believing them.

[michellegirau]

I'm a therapist and I don't think you have to be a therapist to get it. The more people that understand CPTSD and giving good advice is very important. CPTSD is so crippling at times. Using your healing to help others is a blessing.

[ab-gail]

When she said she cut her family off and breathed sigh a serious relief. I’m glad they’re out of your life, ma’am. Don’t go back.

[judithargitay]

To this sad woman out there (she might read it): I'm a journalist and a blogger in my country (English is not my native language), and I can say with confidence that her letter and wording literally brought tears into my eyes. Outstanding writings skills, hands down. On the second note: I'm 50, having had a bit different but still similar identity problems. I went to therapy and am doing yoga, but besides that I started my healing with tiny little things. I love scents, I went to a perfume shop every 3-4 days, and tried the new releases and then looked them up on the net, figuring out the notes, educating myself on perfumery a bit. Can't tell you how much joy that brought. Then I started to go to the cinema to see a movie alone, I loved that, too. Tiny, little things. After a while as if a floodgate had been opened inside me: started to feel happy, out of the blue. Good luck to everybody on their way to healing.

[mariapena]

This is me. I'm boring. No hobbies. I was never praised, encouraged, nor directed by my parents. Never taught boundaries, never helped with school work. My mother will tell me to do something, but never showed my how to do it. I'm 72 and if I wasn't involved with my church, I'd really be in trouble.

[watercolourmadesimplewithb]

“It’s your time on earth as much as anyone else’s.” Wow, such a powerful and affirming statement ❗️Trauma survivors need to hear and accept this truth. Thank you ❤️🙏

[MikeFean]

When people ask 'what do you want to do, who are you', I have no answer.

[Arete]

Sonia’s story illustrates how overly doting misogynist mothers can create narcissistic men like Sonia’s brother.
Keep writing, Sonia! It’s what’s saving me from my crappy childhood. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

[BabyHannah]

My mom never said anything uplifting or gave me any compliments when I was little. She will say nice things about other kids in front of me but never heard anything nice from her.
I grew up doubting myself and with extremely low self esteem😢

[teriliebmann]

Heavy Burdens as children is what tires us out as adults 😢

[godcorrodedgod]

I went to treatment 2019 for alcohol. My handler wrote a letter to my social worker and it sayed that i didnt have an identity. Lots of personalitys but no identity of my own. That broke me completly. Because it was more than true.

[caitrionafairy]

I Just realise how big our chilhood traumatised community is. We are not alone. By sharing our pain and emptyness we grow into beautiful humans. So much to give, so much to share. Thank you all❤

[yonitznkc]

OMG Anna, I’m a man of 61 but I’ve felt this way most of my adult life! Bad parenting is a universal.

[danielles]

This reminds me of my parent, beloved by everyone, but made sure his daughter knew she would never be good enough. My brother is a convicted felon and still somehow holds the golden child position. The two of them have come to my home and belittled me for years for holidays, etc.. When I ran a Marathon, I thought my father would finally be impressed with something I did, but he had told me that the week before a man broke the marathon record by running it in under two hours, totally just diminishing the accomplishment. You just realize nothing will ever be good enough and yet the brother who beat you up through childhood, who they put through school and had such high hopes for has a menial job while anything I do is diminished as something lots of people can do. It never leaves you. I don’t even talk to them anymore, but it never leaves you.

[aw]

I stopped dead in my step when you said the first few sentences about neglect and identity. Both me and my sibling are in our 40s and our parents could not have cared less about who we were and are, growing up and now. They have never asked. They just used to laugh like it was ridiculous to have ambitions. Me and my sibling both moved out at age 16, but are very well adjusted as adults but permanently feeling lost, moving jobs, country, relationship and interests constantly. My parents love to brag to their friends that it’s their parenting that made us so independent 😮

[JanGroh]

Nobody told or showed you you mattered. No wonder you don't know what you want.

You matter. You deserve better. Keep trying to find your bliss. It will come. You deserve happiness in this lifetime. 💓

[brentduanefoster]

This is why I VEHEMENTLY argue against the whole "Parents only do the best they can" defense.

"...only do the best they can"? REALLY???

When parents are neglectful and abusive and cause the damage to their children that they do, they call that the "best" they can do?

When parents refuse to see what damage they cause their kids, that's their "best"?

No...ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!! It was NOT their best, and we need to stop giving them cover for that. They didn't do their work to do better. They REFUSED to take accountability for their actions, and many of them are facing the consequences of that. Period, end of story.

[vivianworden]

The writing contest really connected with me. I became an amateur writer in my 40's but i always had the talent in me.
I too won a contest in the 70's. It was a big contest for free tickets to the King Tut exhibition. The first time the treasures were going on tour.
I told my father and instead of congratulations it was "Hell no, you're not going."
A little background. My father NEVER let us girls go anywhere and we had no friends except each other.
I cried and was crushed. The only reason i got to go was because a teacher called not understanding why i wasn't allowed to go. My dad of course was too embarrassed to explain why. He knew it was a power play and knew he couldn't fool my teacher because there was no way to articulate a good reason.
Nevertheless i feel my life would have been a lot different had i been encouraged. Hell i even tested at the college level in grade school for English literature and comprehension. It leaves a bitter taste to this day.