Living Life With NO Self Identity After Emotional Trauma |CPTSD Signs

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Living Life With NO Self Identity After Childhood Trauma |CPTSD Signs
Childhood PTSD causes you to shape shift, people please, sacrifice self all in an effort to minimize the pain that is taking place via the unhealthy caregiver. CPTSD creates coping skills that many mistake for their personality!!! Healing is about getting back to your authentic self!

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[Nicole-vhxf]

I feel like a chameleon. But now that I'm in therapy and healing from my childhood trauma, and I've become aware that I'm doing this - I just feel completely lost. I thought I was a nice person because I liked to serve people. I thought I was selfless because I put other people's desires and needs above my own. I thought I was compassionate because I was always trying to anticipate what would make other people happy and avoid doing anything that would make them unhappy. I thought I was strong because I could suppress my own feelings in order to keep order and peace around me. I didn't know much else about myself but I at least thought I knew that much. But now that I am learning that I was doing this because it was a survival tactic that I brought with me from childhood - I feel like I've been robbed of my own identity. Now, not only do I not know what my interests or dislikes are - I have hobbies or goals of my own - but now I no longer even know what kind of person I am. I doubt and question my own motivations and behaviors- "am I doing this out of a genuine, good heart... or am I just doing this out of habit, or a reaction to a trigger?" And to make matters worse, I am a mother of 4 small children. So making time to learn about myself is extremely difficult. And moms in general tend to feel like their individuality gets swallowed up my their "mom" position and title - but for me I feel like it's magnified by... well everything else I just said I'm feeling. Lol.

[abcdefghijklmnop]

This is the worst feeling ever. It hurts so bad that my family traumatized me to the point I’ve lost my identity. Living with cptsd is so hard.

[llIlIlllII]

I lack identity but I CAN'T fit in with anyone by mimicry. I always looked to other girls and almost lived through them and their experiences. I actually feel like I'm nothing. Nowadays I watch Youtube instead of knowing anyone in real life, and seeing bits of other people's lives feels like living, to me, because my own life is so empty.

[jenyahwehsal]

I spent the first 21 years of my life trying to make my narcissistic mother happy. I was literally an extension of her. And here I am at 56 years old. I dread my days off from work. Because I don't know what to do I don't know where to go. My kids are grown up. I don't know what to do with myself. My husband passed away and my kids are grown up on their own. My focus was taking care of them and being a wife I'm lost.

[kjbkjhkjhjk]

I had lost myself so much I never understood that I had disassociation in childhood. I used to look at pictures of myself because I had no idea who I was. So scary to feel that lost.

[misteroz]

For just about as long as I remember, I’ve felt like a ghost - weightless and ethereal, floating in and out when needed, but not really existing in my own right. I’m now in my mid-40s and it feels too late to resolve such a problem, so my focus is on continuing to fake things until nature takes its course, and I can be quickly forgotten.

[Mrimperfections]

The disregulation and fear is crippling, but guys come on we are not alone and freedom is beautiful

[paulinauka]

Now that Im working on discovering my identify, it feels really scary. Its a weird feeling, really scary and reallly rewarding at the same time.

[unstephanie]

Been sitting here for 10 minutes trying to put how I feel hearing this into words. This was so entirely validating, the behavior and patterns of people pleasing and mirroring have been going on my whole life. Last year my dad died and I’m no contact with my mom and brother.
Since I’ve been on my own it sort of feels like I’m in a daze constantly. I know my body and brain are trying really hard to exit survival mode once and for all but the lack of identity has me paralyzed.
This was the first video of yours I’ve watched and I’m looking forward to seeing more. 13 years of therapy and I’ve never had anything explained like this. Definitely sharing this with my borderline pd support group. Thank you thank you thank you

[EremiasRanwolf-dz]

I've changed religion literally over a hundred times, changed personality and worldview dozens of times. I always try to fit in but never do. I am always on the outside of any and every group. Always a people pleaser. Always wanted my father to approve of me. Ive went through a bunch of times where i just hate myself. I wish I looked different, was different, acted different, wish i was a female or different in a million ways. I've made progress (i think) the last few years, and especially the last 2 months.

[bibsp]

33, do all this, but have so little self identity I don't even have a starting point. So it's just unending depression.
Those questions you said to ask yourself, yield zero answers. I feel nothing.

[kobra]

Focusing on your own body helps a lot especially in social setting when your mind drifts to what others think and want. Focus on the body reminds you are separate being.

[scarecrowling]

I recognize that life will never be worth living if I don't find some kind of identity. But I don't even know where to start. And I'm scared, because what I do know about myself, I do not like. What if I don't even like who I am, if I figure it out? I just don't even feel worth it.

[twilit]

seeing yourself from outside in, only other people responses or what you think they are to you gives you any sense of what to do or how you feel. bc no one ever interacted with you directly consistently.

[dudee]

So are u telling me that normal people know their personality ?

[PalettePrincess]

I struggle with this except for my mom suffocates me and strangles me emotionally by beating me up with verbal and mental abuse to not being able to read her mind

[Trashpanda]

I don't even know how to blend in with others. I'm just painfully awkward without an identity attached

[travelwithme]

To all of us who are dealing with identity diffusion it's painful to know that the body you are living in you don't recognize it the face you look at the mirror is kinda stranger I know it's painful but one day we'll find ourselves one day we'll heal get better and live life with ourselves be our best friend thriving in life here is virtual hug for you it will get better I promise 👥❤💐

[gingerrivas]

Omg! The answer to my recent concern... I'm recovering from cptsd and now I feel lost because I don't really know who I am and how to please my needs... Thanks for the vid❤

[eliseta]

you're so good at this Michelle. Ever thought of writing a book? it just feels you know many things in the childhood trauma field that aren't being talked about