The First Phase of Codependent Relationships in Complex Trauma

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Codependent relationships often involve a narcissist and a co-narcissist, and when they start, they move quickly. The pattern of codependent relationships involves a few phases. In this clip, Tim goes over the first phase and how quickly it happens. Narcissists often use charm and love-bombing to create an intense emotional bond right from the start, making their partner feel deeply connected and dependent. Fast commitment helps the narcissist maintain control and power in the relationship. Recognizing these patterns early can help you protect yourself from becoming trapped in one of these relationships.

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[shermans]

The dance of wounded souls. Such a romantic description of a very sad phenomenon

[michael]

The topic of this lecture is particularly painful for me. Thank you Tim, your lectures are always phenomenal

[luzleona]

I grew up with exactly this dynamic. Mother a narcissist, father struggling with addiction and being severely codependent. Both of my grandparents also had this dynamic.

I realised, that I used to do this in realtionships, mostly friendships, exactly how Tim describes it. I really wanted to be a "good friend", I did what I did (love bombing and rushing intimacy) with the best intentions towards the other person. Many turned away from me or they turned out to be toxic, so the relationships always failed in the end. I feel so ashamed, that I used relationship "skills", I probably learnt from the narcissistic and co- narcissistic people, I grew up with. How did I not realise that...

I long to have friends, I just don't know how to do it right... I either seem to be, do and feel "too much" or "too little". 😔

[lrain]

So sad, little to no parenting can have such a dramatic affect on one's life.

[dragonclaws]

Nobody falls in love faster than a Narcissist who needs a place to live and a credit line. He never gave me a gift in 17 years he could not remember my birthday or Christmas.

[anaclara]

I almost fell to this trap once, and I must confess that I took part in rushing things up with them, mostly because I got sexually involved. The power of emotional vulnerability that comes along with sex is no joke!

[tearthangel]

I hope someday that this is taught in school middle and high school

[Audrey-kh]

Aka a Taker/ abuser and a Giver/ doormat

[heikek]

9:20 That is precious information, it can be so hard to find information about how healthy relationships are formed! Thank you for everything you do, I only recently found your channel and it's a great ressource!

[tearthangel]

I have experienced this my entire life and have participated in it sometimes

[judycuello]

I love this man he made me realize I had shame and it dictated a lot of my life. Knowing is half the battle, rewiring my brain to not feel shame has helped me tremendously

[spinnettdesigns]

This is the best explanation I have ever heard, ever. It is so spot on and so sad.
Both of my narcissistic husbands divorced me when I started to get better and asking questions. First was 22 yrs and the second, 22 months. The 2nd was WAY worse, worse than our malignant mother. So malignant and dreadful, he is still fooling everyone.
10 years later, I finally have boundaries with “friends” too. Sheesh.
I only survived (I almost died physically too) because of my faith and trust in God. He sees what these and other awful people do and they will be held accountable.

[Aggressvegg]

It's very common for anxious attachment people to be all that u describe as narc.. and actually they are the ones that end up with narcs

[tearthangel]

Thank you for sharing this information that is extremely helpful and needed now

[cspacenz]

Listening to this I kept thinking that’s me, that’s me, that’s me. But then that is me, until the bit where I want something in return. I am just a loving, caring man who gives all of myself in a relationship and ask for very little in return because there’s very little I need as I am quite content. I can, however, be taken for granted as happened recently in a new relationship with a woman. I also ultimately have a strong sense of self and very clear boundaries and the moment she shut down emotionally for the first time I abruptly ended the relationship. So here I am wondering if I am a narcissist but I don’t think so. I don’t think a narcissist would be wondering if he was a narcissist and how he might be able to better himself. I could be wrong, I’ll keep looking.

[RayneyKayLa]

@Tim this was literally my parents pairing. Any advice for the children of this union?

[annebarber]

Oh dear me 😢 Clear, concise. Painfully and heartbreakingly true. I remember

[yosoykibbles]

This should be part of education! Thank you so much 🎊

[luna_soleil]

This is definitely how my last relationship started. Then when i continued to expect all the behaviors that made me fall in love with him, he threw it in my face how needy and dependant i am and no one worth a damn would someone like me

[justinarazo]

My marriage the past 11 years. It’s hard for me to get out of it because I have no one. No kids, most of my immediate family has died, and he has secluded me from any past friends. I don’t drive because I have a seizure problem so that’s probably an advantage for him. He’s a functional alcoholic and a self employed mechanic. Number one thing I have learned is that money is not the key to happiness. We have no children so we don’t struggle but his mental/emotional abuse is killing me. 😢