Relationships and Complex Trauma - Part 11/11 - When to End One

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When to end a relationship.

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[songmozart]

an apology without change is manipulation.
I am speaking for myself.

[BeMe]

“Become convinced that you’re valuable enough to protect” 💜

[melissaberman]

Abusers are smart. They groom, isolate and control…gradually gaslighting and manipulating you into believing that your diminished self is actually evidence that you… blah blah blah… what I wouldn’t give to have those 20 years back!!! Hind sight. When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM!!! And, believe me, it doesn’t get better, at least not for long. RUN!!!

[mlou]

Stayed in a toxic marriage 34 years- I was raised as a Christian, that I had to forgive; to coddle bad behavior. Bad behavior increased & the golden rule never worked.
The church/ religion set me up as a fool. (My walk with God set me free!) Forgiveness heals, but don’t keep subjecting yourself to the offender.

[hippiecowgirl]

God i needed to hear this . Im turning 60 tomorrow and mu gift to myself is going to be my freedom from a man who has been dishonest, deceitful, disloyal, disrespectful, and unfaithful. Ive fallen for the " i will be a better man for you" line more times than i want to think about . Despite knowing for a fact its all bullshit. Ive put up with behavior that never should be tolerated. I accept my part in allowing it to happen. So im taking responsibility for stopping it. NOW. TODAY. IT ENDS.
Happy Birthday to the new, free me

[emiliaabeyta]

They will jeopardize your finances, your health and your time. And leave you with nothing.

[anatoliypankevych]

I wish I could hear your lectures a decade or even two decades ago

[LD-idvy]

When someone shows you who they are the first time believe them

[marthawhite]

My last partner kept saying that he "couldn't stop being who he was, " which was very angry. "I can't control my anger, " which is ridiculous because he was not angry with everyone, he could control who he showed his anger to. I broke up more times than I can remember, yet he would always come back - and I was afraid of him.

It really is hard to get rid of these toxic people, they are crazy-making, manipulative, and ultimately very scary and dangerous on a profound level. This time, I am hoping it is truly done. I was done a long time ago, but his persistence was disturbing, a complete lack of respect for my boundaries. I am working on NO!

[edwarddoyle]

If you're in a relationship that needs to end, you generally don't get to "draw lines in the sand" or have "discussions". You generally very quietly, make a decision, make a plan & just leave..

[lawrencedavis]

I've worked in addiction. This mans talks are absolutely incredible. I've learned so much.

[Paula-hbdg]

I was married for 37 years to an abusive guy. It was hard to divorce him because I was fearful of what he might do to me . He was very explosive which kept me in line and I was fearful from leaving . He isolated me from family and friends . He lied about an illness . I started therapy and joined a 12 step program and that gave me a little glimmer of hope that I can get out of the relationship which I did 2 yrs ago. I had to do a lot of work on myself as to why I allowed someone to treat me so poorly . It is a lot of work but worth it .

[cl]

Thank You Jesus for bringing me to this series

[jenniferlane]

After I moved into the other bedroom. He tried to get me to drink with him at Christmas in hopes that he would get lucky. Knowing that I used to be a bad alcoholic and can not drink.
Thank you for what you do. It has helped me to understand a lot of things that I was confused about. Now, I know I do not have to feel guilty about standing up for and protecting myself.

[alexandrugheorghe]

It's ok to hurt someone's feelings. You need to protect yourself. 👌🏻🙌🏻💜

[UrbanCommentBot]

No one ever taught or modeled these things. My experience growing up in religion is that i was told that i must forgive and hold onto the promises and be spiritually minded.... but all that taught ppl was that they can behave badly and that i wouldn't leave or do anything about it. In the season of unlearning a lot of things while getting divorced.

[ThanaAnsari]

One strike: give them a break, they’re mortal. Two strikes: take a break from the relationship. Three strikes: just break up. End of PSA.

[emiliaabeyta]

It's sad to see someone you care about end up dying or suffering serious consequences. Sometimes we need to accept the fact we cannot change others.😅

[mikyl-forh]

Only be in a relationship with someone also working on themselves.
The loving relationship must be reciprocal.
Ghost:
When things are better left unsaid or when there's nothing left to say.
Ghosting is closure 😌

[BikeLife]

It breaks my heart that so many people have gone through this. I was in this for 20 years and now I'm fighting to get out with my two kids. He was physically abusive to them, financially, verbally and psychologically abusive to all of us. I saw it starting to take a toll on my kids, and I finally saw, with help from a friend, how devastating it was for myself. I'm over 18 months into a horrific divorce with him, as he's trying to keep control of everything. These types of people are DANGEROUS. If you're thinking of getting out, do not tell them right away. Make a plan. Get a job, stash some cash, build your credit, document everything. And get a good therapist who is trauma informed. Do not rush through leaving. Be methodical so you are completely set up when you do leave. You are worth being loved and treated with respect and kindness.❤