Alexithymia and Identifying Emotions in Autistic Adults

Alexithymia is a condition that affects many people on the spectrum. It affects our ability to label and/or communicate about the emotions we are experiencing. 😵‍💫

After seeing a visual representation of emotional body mapping, it helped me learn how to distinguish some of my emotions more quickly. 🗺

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I'm Tay, a married mom of 2 who was diagnosed with Autism at 31 years old. This was after YEARS of therapy (and all of the self tests in the world!). My diagnosis has brought up questions, frustration, doubt, but most importantly, a new level of self compassion and understanding.

I'm here to share knowledge, resources, and products that empower other neurodivergents (and their loved ones) to live freely and creatively. I'm not a doctor so please speak with your healthcare providers before implementing any recommendations I make on my channel.

Females are under-diagnosed due to lack of research. Please share any videos that are helpful to you so we can spread awareness and acceptance.

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#autism #autistic #aspergers

[wegotthepower]

I’ve been having a hard time naming my emotions for my whole life. I’ve always felt anxious & have been diagnosed with recurring depression & generalised anxiety disorder & have gotten treatment for it, but the treatment never seemed to help in the long run.

I always felt there was something more underlying & managed to get evaluated two years ago & got a diagnosis of inattentive ADHD (which explains a lot). Growing up, when I tried to name my emotions (& even now). When I’ve tried to
verbalise & name my emotions growing up, I often got to hear “that’s nothing to cry about” & sentences like that, which contributed to me shutting down & feel like I wasn’t allowed to express my emotions. That’s lead to that I’m struggling even more to know what Im feeling.

When you talked about delayed processing- that really resonated with me. I was like “what, is there a word for it?!”, cause that’s me every time & I’ve been feeling angry with myself for not being able to “speak up” in the moment & that Im just in a freeze response without the ability to explain myself.

This comment got really long & I hope that’s okay 🙈 Apparently I had a lot to say about this.

[CinkSVideo]

Not sure that I could connect an emotional state to how my body feels…except maybe the flutter I feel with anxiety.

I’ve lived long enough to learn words for various emotional states. So I can describe them cognitively. If pressed I can provide more words but the most honest answer is probably, “I don’t know.”

Big ones like anger, sadness, frustrated, and happiness are easy, but the nuances in between are lost on me. This diagram needs a meltdown graphic, which basically feels like my head is on fire.

I’ve found the most accepted social response is, “I’m tired.” This is taken at face value, commiserated, and no additional questions are asked. I can then make my escape and process later.

[passaggioalivello]

Hi Tay, it's definitely me. Sometimes also my emotions are in delay. Fortunately my interactions with other people are close to zero.
Thank you for your mission, you make feel me less alone.

[whitneymason]

Great video! Thanks for sharing that map, super interesting!

[deborahlee]

Hi Tay, new to here, new to autism. Diagnosed 5 weeks ago at 59. Realising alexithymia, interoception and proprioception are all things i relate to and need to learn more about. Also sensory processing issues. Some feedback from my perspective - in the few videos i"ve watched of yours the music is considerably louder than your speech, so i'm flying to the volume buttons on my device often to adjust. As much as i'd love to binge watch everything you have it will not be possible for me.

[bryanmerton]

Great helpful video! I am blown away by the feelings map and will be googling to find myself a copy. Sometimes I am not feeling right and I can’t pinpoint why. So I end up telling my partner, I don’t feel good today without really knowing why! It never occurred to me that I have undefined emotions! This is eye-opening! Thank you!

[melikkaa]

Hi! I love your videos. I’ve been wondering if I have this “trait” which seems common in asd. I can realize I am having a negative emotion or a scary one but can’t really explain it or why it’s so intense because it’s so complex, it’s not just “sad” or “scared”. I believe I have alexithymia but when I hear of it it sounds as if people who have it can’t even identify between happy and sad feelings, is this true? I can clearly know if it’s a positive or negative feeling.

[SpecialDog]

I didn’t know years ago that I was on the spectrum, but someone suggested I look into using a feelings chart or wheel, because I had/have difficulty with knowing how I feel at times. I’d include a picture of my copy but this is my first post and I can’t figure out how to do so. For a good year or two I would defer to my copy when I felt nervous or upset about something and read all the emotions on the list until I could find the best word for how I “really” felt and this gave me great relief in having a better understanding of feelings and of myself. Maybe it’s called an emotions chart. My first copy was given to me in a chart form and I couldn’t find it online after losing it, but I was able to find the wheel version that works just as well. I highly recommend it for folks who can’t readily explain how they’re feeling in the moment. I practiced with a close friend for quite a while and it’s been a blessing!

[youtubefans]

I did not realize that when I felt empty when I did not see the love of my youth that that meant I missed her,
I did not realize when I saw my father for a short moment and felt a strong feeling (after years of no contact) that that meant that despite everything I loved him
I was a cross between a child and a teenager at 25 years old, the last moment of contact because of poverty, which stagnated my emotional and mental growth
My father was not a person for deep emotion and a narcissist, he ghosted me

[allisonkrake]

This is exactly what my family has been struggling with. I didn’t know it had a name.

[PGH]

Undiagnosed emotions can be tricky it's like I have some words in my brain but I can't express them or I know the emotion and that's it and I know I need to talk but don't know

[meganshaw]

My psychiatrist told me I might be alexithymic, and I don't know how I feel about that

[imogenoliver]

Alexithymia for my situation means that I can’t identify my emotions or identify how emotions feel in my body (unless I’ve felt them an exuberant account of times or the emotion is incredibly severe). For me it also means I can’t tell what my tone of voice is very well or what expression is on my face and what that expression means. I also find that I can identify say when I need to eat or go to the toilet but it’s a delayed response, I might not know I’m feeling that till the last minute. I also find it incredibly difficult to express how I feel whether it be verbally or physically. With time and rumination sometimes I can figure out how I felt in a past situation but I usually don’t try. The result of this is that I often don’t knots how I’m feeling unless someone tells me what they think I’m feeling based on their interpretation of my body language. I hope you can see how that can get complicated and have the possibility to put me in dangerous situations. I’m pretty good at gauging a person’s intentions but like everyone else I have off days too.

[aetherwolves]

I don't know what i feel but i impulsively react which in arguments isn't helpful.
I can only differentiate between certain emotion groups but each group is all kinda mixed together.

[BCSchmerker]

+MomontheSpectrum *Viewing this vid 1.15 years post hoc, I've some pronunciation corrections to suggest.* Alexithümía (Hel. αλεξιθυμία), viz., lack of affective terminology, can be a standalone condition — or a co-symptom of ’üpothümía (Hel. ᾿υποθυμία), viz., insufficient affect, a major symptom of Kanner's syndrome. Per Steven E. Gutstein Ph.D. of RDIconnect®, Kanner's syndrome kills the infant instinct to seek growth, taking agency (personal and interpersonal), mediation, and relational memory with it.

[alexisunicorn]

Hi Tay. I am 48 and was just diagnosed 3 months ago. Do you find it hard to make friends with other people on the spectrum? I do. I'm enjoying your videos by the way...

[monikakrall]

What I know for sure that I feel good or I don't feel good, I usually use one word, frustrated, when I don't feel good. Also I never in my life talked about how I feel, in my mother tongue I cannot say I am happy, it just doesnt feel natural. But when I watch a movie I see that the person is sad, or angry, or happy, or desperate...I dont really have the vocabulary for shades of emotions, only the basic I am more conscious, but in the past I could say I was feeling good when I was not really....also instead of saying how I feel, I always prefer to describe the situation like it was good, this was funny, or I had enough I want to go etc....also my written language differs from my spoken language...