Understanding Alexithymia: Navigating Emotions in an Autistic Relationship

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[ismailabdelirada]

Ancient Greek: a- (not, without) + lexi (words) + thymia (feelings, emotions).

[melissadouglas]

Alexithymia and Interoception are two concepts I’ve only recently learned about, but have changed my life for the better. I’ve struggled with these things, but never had the words or conceptual framework to understand and discuss my experiences in this regard.

[Martinbeef]

This is very reassuring. Thank a lot.

[melaniejones]

Thank you for this video. It took me a while to learn that my husband is autistic. Now that I know we both make it a day to day thing to communicate with each other. I leave small talk out of the equation. I except him being autistic. I understand this is how his mind works. I hope that other autistic people can find that one favorite person they like being around the most when they want to socialize or just sit near them not having to talk much.

[viktoriar]

Absolutely accurate. A perceived lack of reaction or a reaction different than expected can mean people think I'm not interested or that I don't like something when that isn't the case.

[ashr]

Nice to know there's a name for it, because then it's definitely not just me!

[Warpded]

I have Alexithymia, I'm convinced. This channel has answered questions that I didn't know I had. Thank you. I'm glad I'm not just some weird dude fucked up in the head. I'm not a robot, I'm just...different.Some may never truly understand me, but I understand myself and that's wonderful and the most important part of it

[lizardgirl]

My partner doesn't understand when I'm upset or need space. He took me needing space as a slight against him the other night and I felt like an inanimate object with the way he was demanding that I lay beside him. Then I said I needed a minute to relax. He took that as me needing 60 seconds rather than me just needing an undetermined amount of time because I was feeling overwhelmed with a busy day.

[TsubikiKoya]

As an autistic woman diagnosed in adulthood I have noticed something interesting lately pertaining to how alexythymia effects me as I recently discovered the term.

I am often outwardly perceived as a very empathetic person, people often come to more for advice because of my level-headedness. I think I have developed somewhat of a special interest in psychology and people from a young age, and I think it relates to my masking as I seem to primarily mask by mirroring others behaviors.

I have gotten really proficient at predicting and analyzing patterns relating to mental health issues, especially ones that I personally experience such as anxiety and depression.

Even though I understand these things very well with others I have also struggled a lot with feeling confused and apathetic about my own emotions.When I talk to people about their emotional struggles I often get very engaged because I am curious about the outcome of their approach. I often seem to talk about my own struggles and emotions with others because I want to hear and gauge their reactions to the emotions they think I should be feeling. I think most often this occures with feelings of excitement. Say if I got tickets to go to an amusement park or something that I do think would be fun, I will get bothered because I seem to not feel very excited. I may talk to someone someone close to me and express my interest in the activity and basically try to use their response as an indication on how I should feel about it. I feel otherwise kind of "empty" if I don't do this.

I think that alexythymia prevents me from experiencing strong expressive emotions or at least makes it harder for me to identify such emotions and basically and it has always bothered me because I know how I feel frequently doesn't match up with how others feel which for a long time has made me feel that I am broken or crazy.

I also end up spending a very large amount of my time trying to figure out things that bother me and why I feel that way. I often have depression and anxiety and when loved ones try to help I can't figure out what triggered it to happen, it kind of feels random and out of my control. A lot of people seem to get very frustrated with me because I can't effectively communicate my needs in those moments because I don't really know myself. I think that could also be related to alexythymia.

[errorcode]

That’s interesting because as an autistic man with adhd I am always inclined to be over lovey and affectionate to the point where I get overwhelming sometimes but I do it by instinct because I wish people were that affectionate with me and I just try to mimic what I want

[seajelly]

Thank you for posting this. It's certainly something we struggle with almost daily. It helps when I'm able to guess, and then validate the emotion. But so much of it comes out as anger and shut-downs, that I'm often at a loss.

[jimwilliams]

Sigh. Yes. It has sunk in over the last year or two that I am pretty darned alexithymic. With work, I can often identify the thought process that triggered the emotion, but I can’t name the emotion itself. Describing the thought process can either cause me to reexperience it, make me sound like I am being critical, or both. This problem has reached critical mass for my marriage.

Worst, I think, is that I have a really difficult time recognizing feelings of attachment. I could never tell how I felt about my parents. I can use tv shows, songs and movies as a guide to what it’s supposed to look like, and some of the time use them to help me feel those feelings, but in real, complicated life, feelings of connection are so hard to sense. Worst of all, when I’ve looked at emotion wheels, the emotions I mostly know how to feel, and that make me feel connection, are painful emotions. Joyful emotions are really elusive.

Sorry, very bad week and I’m in self pity mode.

[trickychick]

Alexithymia was mentioned on my assessment. I had to look it up. I am working on it in therapy.
But it is hard for others to understand.

[clukinvar]

I am going to save this and ask my potential partners to watch it, thanks so much!

[lizprince]

One of my friends was autistic I saw his struggle with his own emotion sometimes, & I saw him experience many different emotions but did a lot of work on himself to try & understand neurotypical people. So we had many a conversation trying to understand each others emotion (or actually have things we commonly understood) which enriched both of us. He never learned to mask his autism but fully owned who he was. He understood some concepts & never understood others & I can relate to not getting some concepts as a sorta neurotypical person (I had a health issue 2 years ago which left me with short term memory issues (slowly improving, not the same as I was) I now have executive functioning issue & struggle to see pictures (which lets us do say: take the milk out of the fridge & put it back) some of these automated neural pathways have been corroded. I’m working on those. Some things heal, some don’t & I struggle with a lot of neurotypical stuff now - I have a trauma brain & I’m not saying it’s any way as difficult to work through as what others experience)

[FronteirWolf]

I don't experience emotions like everyone else, which has only been a problem when you ask me to fill out questionnaires like the Edinburgh Wellness scale. As long as you don't do that I'm fine. Unfortunately that particular questionnaire is quite popular in mental health organisations.

[Q.Anderson]

While I am autistic, I do process emotions a little stranger than others. It's extremely hard to feel my own emotions, but I'm hypersensitive to the emotional energy that surrounds me. Anyone else feel that too?

[Subrosathefirst]

We’re both autistic but he’s still acting in ways I find troubling

[samanthahuth]

lm having real trouble trying to get anyone to understand lve had a late diagnosis but lm seen as l don't care enough and l do...l find it difficult to find the correct language for them...lm currently going through what l know now as autistic burn out its been happening for yrs and unfortunately one once close family member no longer speaks to me...l like my own space l need it l can't be with people all the time its overwhelming l also have terrible executive functions so have to rely on others which has now become problematic....
Where l am there's not much help unfortunately so lve withdrawn even more...l think l'll end up completely on my own because l find the damaged from friendships sometimes hard also...Anyway its still very new initially a relief but not so much as its very difficult for me to explain therefore l come across as confusing in a world which l totally hope l can find a way to get more understanding and neurodiverse people in general...It is not easy....❤

[nobody]

This is incredibly difficult. There is significant delay in processing of intense emotions however I also am unable to name and even understand these emotions in the moment. They lead to much discomfort and eventually leads me to self harm to either distract or replace the sensation. However, because of autism, the delayed processing and inability to name the emotion persists so it just becomes and intense feeling of wanting to escape your mind and unfortunately, reptition of intense discomfort with maladaptive relief until my autistic brain can finally catch up and name my emotions. But I will try continue my best to grow up out of autism.