Emotional Blindness and other Signs of Alexithymia

Alexithymia is a psychological disorder in which the individual has difficulty identifying, understanding, and expressing their emotions. People with alexithymia often appear to be unemotional or “emotionally blind” and may have trouble communicating with others about emotional issues. In this video I explain some of the signs of alexithymia and ways you can improve your emotional awareness.

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Disclaimer: All of the information on this channel is for educational purposes and not intended to be specific/personal medical advice from me to you. Watching the videos or getting answers to comments/question, does not establish a doctor-patient relationship. If you have your own doctor, perhaps these videos can help prepare you for your discussion with your doctor.

[tayzonday]

I can have enormous trouble putting words to feelings, BUT I’m learning that in my case it’s as much trauma-related as neurological (as I’m also autistic). I am emotionally immature partly because I was never habituated to healthy, open, confrontational and persistently clear emotional relationships.

[appended]

I dated someone who had a hard time articulating their emotions but they weren't aware of that. When I asked them how they felt about something, they had plenty to say - "I feel like I was being blamed for this, because..." or "it felt like he was misunderstanding me when I said..." These aren't emotions, they're interpretations of situations with the phrase "it feel like" in front of them. The distinction is important!

[TitoVespasianus]

I'm in the spectrum and definitely have alexithymia. In order to express myself i have to consciously think about it and it's draining.

[cindygiesbrecht]

Totally agree about reading books to help understand people IRL. The reason I love reading so much is that usually every character explains there emotions and everything!

[nicoleguy]

I am blown away….

I just ended a relationship because of this. They got so frustrated with me. I just kept saying I don’t understand. They got so upset with me saying “come on” over and over again.. and I just couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on. I felt attacked. I felt belittled, misunderstood and most importantly confused.

This wasn’t the first time he and I had similar conflict. In the beginning, he had a great deal of patience, But life took over.. patience was lost.

I can’t work on something unless I’m able to identify it…

So thank u so much for this video!!!!

[Tiggzne]

Dr. Marks, I am very surprised and saddened you were not listed in the YouTube Black History makers' month. You deserve that and we need issues like this to be discussed more in the African American community. Thank you for your hard work to help us out. 🙏🏾🙏🏾

[ostatnifajek]

I was an avid book reader since childhood and I think it's mainly thanks to that that I am able to decipher others' facial expressions and body language through deduction (I am also a woman, which may facilitate emotional awareness to some extent).
When it comes to my own feelings, I'm able to recognise them through somatic cues, and logic, but only the basic ones - anger, fear, joy (rarely) and sadness. The rest of the emotion wheel is just a bunch of words.

[incorrigiblycuriousD]

Damn. A lifelong problem for me that's got me in a lot of trouble. Diagnosed as ADD, autism suspected but not diagnosed. My reason for responding is that it's incredibly confusing and painful for people to assume the worst when insensitivity, cruelty, lack of compassion, selfishness, etc. was never intended. I'm wondering if other people have experienced this: something happens socially that you are oblivious to, or maybe you sense something is off but don't know what, and out of the blue weeks/months/years later your brain says, "Oh, that's what they meant." I'm not trying to be difficult or obtuse; I just never noticed.

[yourgodismean]

I have autism and this really resonates. I wanted to encourage younger ppl-as I’ve gotten older(58 now), I’ve gotten better n better at building my mask(unfortunate that we need one sometimes but they keep us safe) and picking things up almost by osmosis. It is a skill that many can learn. I love the Dr’s idea of reading fiction. The bigger your vocabulary, the easier it is to figure out/suss out the meanings in ppl’s speech. Good luck everyone!❤️

[Raelunil]

I struggle with this, and I'm in the process of getting diagnosed with ADHD, autism, or something along those lines. You're certainly right about reading fiction, I was a very avid reader when I was a kid and teen and that helped me a LOT with understanding emotions.

[zombetty]

Just realized the intro started off wrong. It said "do you have to trouble putting your words into feelings?" instead of "do you have trouble putting your feelings into words?" like this condition does.

[nio]

I often am frustrated with the fact that I can't feel things that I want to feel. I don't think I have issues noticing my feelings most of the time, but if I'm in a group that's excited about something, it's difficult for me to just conjure up that same excitement even when I want to. I *can* get excited about things, but that usually happens when I'm by myself, so I don't get the social benefit of sharing that emotion with someone.

[Anastasia-lsdd]

i always feel "fine"' and something strong has to happen to kick my emotions out of that stubborn zone so that i can actually identify it, usually by physical sensations the most common being my stomach, the problem is that anxiety feels exactly like hunger and i often confuse the two

[gagecarty]

Emotions are more difficult to deal with than people realize

[MrTwinkieeater]

I dated a woman that I suspect was switching or splitting in a conversation. She had three different voices depending on what she was saying. She actually said in a very sad slow voice, "I don't like to talk about my feelings."

She had told me just enough about her upbringing that my heart broke for her. It's very sad.

[freeexpress]

This video could not have come at a better time. I think a loved one struggles with emotional awareness and I believe this video can help us.

[dutchielander]

One thing we can all agree upon is that if you suffer from this, life is twice as difficult then it already is.
I always have problems with connecting to people and people who don't understand i can't handle emotions like they do. They never really take the time to find out or ask about it either. So i just keep feeling bad about myself, which makes connecting to people even harder. Especially new people i just met.
Can really mess up the rest of your day, let me tell you.

[InsomniaticMeat]

I thought I had this as one of my symptoms, but seeing this video of yours makes me think that it is far more likely that it's attached to the social anxiety. Thank you for sharing this <3

[t.l]

Great topic. I think I have this issue. I feel misunderstood because while I do empathize, I'm not going to brood over things that will intensify the emotions. I would like to see the positive, take the lessons and move into an action that solves issues. I do understand that reflection is needed and time to process. But I feel like at the end of the day, you want to move on. I'm already there lol and i guess that's the problem 🤦🏽‍♀️🤣

[icvideos]

Alexithymia is devastating to my marriage. My husband is actually emotionally and psychologically abusive. He feels no remorse and is not compelled to ask what "he can do" to make things better. It is alway (and always has been) me who has found counselors, sat down to talk to him, addressed difficult issues. After 30 years, I'm absolutely lonely and scared for my future. If I had known he had this disorder when we married, I would never have married him. It would be ok for two people with Alexithymia to be together, because they would have few expectations. It could work well. it does not work for anyone with emotional and psychological needs. They can not be met.