What is Learned Helplessness? | Kati Morton

I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

[harleyquinn]

This was something I was taught as a child as a response to getting bullied. I tried to stand up for myself, the teacher punished *me* for "causing a commotion" with "immature behavior" in response to the bullying. Or I got bullied and abused even harder in order to silence me. If I just stayed quiet and motionless and accepted the bullying and abuse, the situation didn't get worse for me. This was taught in order to preserve group harmony. Ignore the bully, silence the victim. Teacher can go on pretending bad behavior isn't there in her class since she doesn't get paid extra to deal with problem students.

[sepiasmith]

seriously. catching yourself in bad thoughts and challenging them is one of the most powerful thing you can do. unfortunately, it can also be very difficult. but we can do it!

[An]

I cried throughout this entire video, because I can relate to this so much.
Growing up in a "home" where physical and emotional abuse took place 24/7 and living that life of fear, pain & genuine helplessness for nearly 21 years really messed me up and I can see it carry through into all of my relationships: friends, fellow pupils, love relationships, acquaintances, even my relationship with God.
Both of my parents were (and probably are) emotionally abusive, as were/are my brothers and sisters. My "dad" has also been physically abusive as a way to express his anger / his desperation (if that makes sense? He feels like he's always the victim and if his children are being "rebellious" (aka when they say "no" but then continue to do exactly what he asked them to), he starts fuming (literally, it's v scary) about disrespect, yelling & throwing/hitting them with anything he can find), his worst moment (for me) was the time he choked which nearly killed me... still have mad PTSD from that.
My brother used to beat me up on the daily, when I disagreed with him on ANYthing. The anger issues were passed on.... He would also hit me with a towel whenever we were doing thr dishes.
He told me to kill myself on 2 seperate occasions telling me the world would so much better if I had never been born.
They both don't know their own strength, laugh it off w/ a "that can't have hurt, you silly" & think it's funny to hurt people (physically).

So: now I can't trust people, flinch a lot, can't deal with loud noises, cannot tell people exactly how I feel about them / what I want them to know, i'm terrified of confrontation/fights/yelling and I do not know how to stop people from doing / saying something I don't like without getting into the physical realm... (mostly arm-hitting, usually not too hard, but sometimes i don't know my own strength)... and that's just the top of the iceberg, I literally notice signs on a day to day basis...

Please don't ever take your home for granted if it's nothing like the events I just described

And if you're still in that situation, I pray that you make it out soon and please talk to someone who can help ♥

It took me 20 years, but i did. I left. With the help of my youth group leader at the time, she was amazing. I now live with my best friend's family (I'm so grateful for these people!!!), 1 km from my parents, if I avoid the big supermarkets and don't stay too long after church, I don't run into them. They don't know where I live and I've been able to cut most of my ties with them. I also still see a psychologist and have been seeing one for about 3 years now

Things can better. They did for me.
They can for you.

And I hope that 1 day, every remnant of my "upbringing" will have evaporated / been erased.

♥♥♥♥♥

Thank you for all you do, Kati! I've learned so much from your videos!

[tompalmer]

Learned helplessness has been the central fact of my life. I actually find myself working to recreate the inner turmoil I experienced growing up.

[elliemathews]

This is my life. Been this way for 48 years. It has impacted every aspect of my life. I try to talk positively to myself but I always feel like when I do I'm just lying.

[katiekane]

I was born in 1958 & had ideals programmed since birth. The largest & most dangerous was that I needed a man to solve my problems. I've worked hard to overcome the initial thought of
"I need x to do y for me". I may NOT be able to accomplish a task on my own & that's ok but it shouldn't be my first thought. Empowering young girls ( & boys) will make a difference in their lives. Stronger people raise stronger, more resilient kids. The effort is ongoing for me & requires me to stay aware of intrusive negative thoughts.

[bqgin]

My learned helplessness doesn't come from abuse. It comes from the fact that anything I ever tried to make my life start moving foward was ruined by outside factors I could never have control over, and put me back to where I started or further back.

[rachelblackwell]

I need to be picked up and moved over the wall. I can’t cope, it’s so bad. I cried so hard throughout this video.

[rothebear]

I love that you included the experiment / scientific evidence to explain Learned Helplessness ☺️ Your explanation was thorough yet concise and easy to understand - good job Kati and thank you 💕

[lesismore]

Wow. I only started watching your videos today. I've been to therapists and psychiatrists, and have done my own research on things, but haven't come across this. When you began talking about "freezing" I teared up. Freezing and not doing anything has been such a problem for me; I will literally feel rigid in my body and just sit there with my mind half blank and half freaking out.

[Dannyvoo-wt]

I've been struggling with depression for a long time now, but ever ever since I started meditating, practicing mindfulness and becoming more aware of my thoughts and actions, I have to say I feel much better and in control these days. You are not your thoughts, they just come and go. Awareness is you taking the wheel again.

[cameron]

I was just wondering about this. It's like you read my mind! I love you Kati! The world is a better place with you in it ❤

[loufrando]

I’m so happy I found your content while searching for stuff about religious abuse.

Religious abuse all childhood immediately followed by an extremely controlling & abusive in all the ways 18 yr marriage to a person with APD and NPD.

Learned helplessness and hopelessness and self hate and shame and CPTSD are a lot to process in your early 40’s with multiple kids in tow with their own trauma, working full time and still co-parenting with the abuser…

But it’s not gonna fix itself, is it? Trying to re-engage after deep burnout and multiple full crashes the last few years. Gotta get back into therapy. 👍

[adoa]

Thank you. I am learning how to stop those "loud noises". I never knew I could.

[giftedsun]

Just finished dealing with and processing a connection with a narcissist. That led me to this idea of learned helplessness, I heard the phrase somewhere, and I came directly to YouTube. This is the first video I watched. Thanks. It resonated.

[PRoseLegendary]

I see this so much in the people I work with. It's like abuse and trauma is so entrenched in aboriginal communities that people just treat child abuse and domestic violence as "something that happens to everyone", almost like a rite of passage. It's so hard for people to break out of that cycle, and there's so few resources available to help people get out and get better.

[kimbare]

I'm getting my MA in Counseling and this is the first i have heard of this subject. Thank you for bringing this to your videos.
Blessings

[msp]

Thank you so much Kati for this video. Due to social anxiety and other diagnoses I have learned helplessness which returns with depressive relapses. It’s so insidious and all encompassing during these times it’s makes climbing out of a relapse exceptionally difficult. Even though I’ve learned therapy techniques the last few years of psychotic and crippling depressive relapses have taken me back to feeling less able and less kind or compassionate to myself. The automatic thoughts when I do something positive is that’s not good enough or comparing myself to everyone sends me spiralling down again. 😔 I hope I can find some stability.

[Luna-ftyh]

Thank you so much. I've been diagnosed with CPTSD and I feel like this a lot. It's so good to know there's a reason for it that I can tackle. 💕

[MH-yscx]

I really like how you talk about this subject, once we start talking positively into our selves it brings an about a positive result and is not gonna come overnight it's a work-in-progress progress