How To Move On From Learned Helplessness-Psychotherapy Crash Course

In this video, I discuss learned helplessness and how to escape it.

"Learned helplessness, in psychology, a mental state in which an organism forced to bear aversive stimuli, or stimuli that are painful or otherwise unpleasant, becomes unable or unwilling to avoid subsequent encounters with those stimuli, even if they are “escapable,” presumably because it has learned that it cannot control the situation." -Britannica

"When bad things happen, we like to believe that we would do whatever necessary to change the situation. Research on what is known as learned helplessness has shown that when people feel like they have no control over what happens, they tend to simply give up and accept their fate.

"Learned helplessness occurs when an individual continuously faces a negative, uncontrollable situation and stops trying to change their circumstances, even when they have the ability to do so.
For example, a smoker may repeatedly try and fail to quit. He may grow frustrated and come to believe that nothing he does will help and therefore stop trying altogether. Discovering the loss of control essentially elicits a passive response to the harmful situation." -Psychology Today

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*Videos are provided for exploration and educational purposes only and does not constitute clinical suggestions or consultation for individual cases.

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I'm Támara, a licensed and nationally certified mental health therapist, with over 12 years experience. I specialize in helping children, teens, and families with mental illness. I also treat psychological/emotional trauma in children, teens, and adults.

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[TherapistTamaraHill]

If this video hit home for you, please share with someone who may need this.

*I did forget to put learned helplessness definition in the video so please see in the description box!!

[testtest-lcxz]

Finally a video with practical advice on this topic without the silly platitudes. Thank you so much.

[Flash-]

Thought I would make notes during this video.
Step back and try again. Not sleeping lately - makes it so much harder. Worry about
situation - feel trapped. But now I have a name for how I have been feeling off and on for
years, thought it was just depression.
Record your steps. For me this is making lists.
Abandon new years resolutions. Hmm, this could be changed over to making a decision
on my marriage.
Condition your mind to win. Get stronger and push forward no matter what.
Desensitize yourself to failure.
Get a partner to be accountable.
Track yourself, lay out your steps.

[blueclift]

I just wanna say thank you, as someone who cant afford theraphy yet(and is actually majoring in psych rn!) I cannot express how helpful your videos are.

[daleduncan]

I’m a first time listener today and now a a subscriber. Love your content and presentation. No fluff, fillers, giggling and talking like a valley girl. Yeah!!

[lizzi]

Love the "step back" approach. So many ways to step back!

[Averagesasquatch]

Thanks for making the video.
Your point about systematic desensitization is crucial.
I've seen many therapists and none have talked about that and argue against it when I talk about it.
The thing I think that needs to happen though is that desensitization, training the mind, the physically lower brain, to win and to have faith that at least some things can be won.
I see an approach all the time in my work where I get to see pediatric and neuro PT's and OT's working that could be made to do this for patients.
If I hit the lotto I'd go become done kind of practitioner to build this system because me and so many other victims of abuse that I know are just driven further into their own head by therapists second guessing what they say (which may not always be perfect), but feels like yet another loss.
The difference is a push forward and a push back. Some people need to be pushed to think more. Some people need the opposite and to push them to think more with the conscious mind doesn't heal the trauma that is encoded in physically lower parts of the brain that are more strongly linked to us and evolved millions of years before the conscious mind. You can't always just think your way out of freezing up on the face of assholes in your life abusing you. Most therapists I've talked to basically say "not my job", but they are the only appropriate person to help with this.
And I hope that isn't offensive, truly. I think pretty much every therapist I've talked to is a good person, I think it's basically like hot they used to do bone marrow transplants on breast cancer patients until one doc fought for years to stop doing that unnecessarily. It's not intentional, the training just isn't there yet and I bet most therapists would be happy to do more to help, especially as it requires even less empathy as it just consists of structured activities.

[shoanaqvi]

THIS IS THE BEST VIDEO ON THIS SUBJECT ON THE INTERNET PERIOD! Thank you so much - you’re so good!!! Love how you’ve explained it so comprehensively & precisely! 👑🧿💜

[bethsimm]

Tamara, I would give everything for an opportunity to be your client, to put the card on the table, every one of them, and to open honest and say this is everything I have experienced and have done. All the bad things all the good things and this is where I am. Then I would like to start learning to manage these things change things to learn and grow in a positive healthy and realistic way.
And I know I would succeed.
But that's impossible being here in the uk. However this channel is capable of changing lives and it's a gift. I love being apart of this and I'm going to make a commitment to myself to engage in the help you are offering us.

[hyunsookim]

It really did help me. Sometimes its crazy to think that the video uploaded far ago from the other side of the earth can change your day

[katkrol]

Thank you so so much for mentioning how cultures exhibit depression differently. ❤️

[bpassionfashion]

Traumatized by a long term relationship with a psychopath-18 years. He future faked me for so many years, but what truly traumatized me was the fact that for the past 8/10 years of the relationship he was refusing to leave my apartment and using my fear of authority against me! Bottom line was that he was a predator that had me by my neck and nometter how much I kicked and screamed, he wouldn’t let go. I have not processed the anger. I have been frozen, flat lined, and feeling Stuck without understanding why. I am now understanding how this “ learned helplessness “ looks like in my life . I want to push forward and get back to part of who I was before I met him.

[kaczok]

How should I tackle learned helplessness if:
- I have no purpose in life,
- I am convinced that life as a whole is meaningless (due to existential depression),
- I am not religious or spiritual,
- and I do not have anyone in my life whom I trust enough to be my partner?


What goals should I even start with? And why?

[marioparaschiv]

Im pretty sure I developed learned helplessness in like 6th grade. I would generaly get lower marks but there was one or two weeks where we had a lot of tests and presentations. I was prepared for everything, i knew everything and felt so ready. Then i did the tests, homeworks and presentations and felt good about them and though id atleast get one, just ONE with higher marks. I got some average and some below average marks. After that, untill the second part of 9th grade, i didnt do one homework, i barely studied for exams. You know the worst part? i got the exact same marks but now when i got a C i wasnt sad because 3 weeks of my life and learning became an average C grade, now i was happy because i didnt study and still got a good mark without all that emotionall toll. Today i try a lot for test and sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesnt. I did a filosofy test last week and i felt so sure, so so sooo sure about everything we had to learn. I even helped some people study and they got above average marks and some got even A's. What did i get? C. tbh i feel like if i dont do anything now then the learned helplessness will kick in again because i allways say now that i will never try this hard on a test ever again, mostly ebcause if i get a C, i would like to be happy and not almost cry in class because 3 weeks of intense studying whent nowhere.

[AlexMYCHEN]

8:47 TAKE GRADUAL STEPS is quite important but it might have been ignored by some others... this is a very good advice

[jtFacts]

One of my favorite topics. You give such great advice. I hope your Grandma is doing well. Take care of yourself and enjoy life. Keeps those migraines away :) Great video Doc :)

[Hotomelette]

Thanks for the video. Had some great talking points and was helpful when I was feeling overwhelmed. Wish my therapist had some of these motivational words for me when I needed it.

[gojo-zndu]

For my reference, but I havent covereed all the points. Highly recommended to listen to her talknig about it.
1) step back and try again: the more you force it the more its not gonna work. rest before trying again. and then try again. No pushing and pushing and pushing.
2) how do you eat an elephant: one bite at a time. if you force things you are going to destroy it. baby step. pause. baby step. pause. baby step.
3) record your steps track it, what are the concrete steps you have taken. so that you have a pov when you are stuck.
4) abandon new year's resolutions: cuz no baby steps.
5) engage in systematic desensitisation: try to condition your mind to win and push forward. get used to winning and pushing ahead. desensitise yourself to failure
6) have a partner: accountability so that you can be told what to do.
7) track your progress:
8) practice and practice again. and repeat.

[primalspeak]

Learned helplessness is endemic to the mixed economy (our centralized, state-run, political economic hierarchy) i.e. it's the system itself that purposely keeps people in a state of chronic helplessness. The key to escaping from this invisible prison is to first recognize and then capitalize on objective reality (reality as it is) and the laws of nature, NOT a collectively accepted reality (conformity, pseudo-reality based on gov. engineered consensus) based on the architects of the mixed economy i.e. arbitrary government edict via the state-run social and main stream media complex (propaganda, naked/open subversion). And to use your own senses as a guide to reality. In a worst case scenario, if you have an opportunity, do it without thinking and never look back. Move before you're ready.

[diogodias]

I usually don't watch english videos without subtitles, but your way of speaking was easy for me to understand, thank you! I probably have this symptom, so I'm going to try out these steps and get a little better, step by step at a time. Thank you Tamara :)