Narcissistic Family: How to Stay Out of the Emotional Process

How can we cultivate detachment, neutrality, and non-reactivity? Jerry Wise, life and relationship coach, suggests that the first step is understanding the difference between the "emotional process" and mere feelings. It's essential to avoid getting caught up in instinctual reactions. Jerry shares key insights into the emotional process and offers practical tips to help you stay grounded and non-reactive.

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Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC, has helped 10,000s of people heal from family dysfunction and become the true self they were never allowed to be. As a family systems and self-differentiation coach, he leverages 45 years of experience to help clients permanently break free from family-of-origin dysfunction, cultivate healthy relationships, and build a strong sense of self.

****DISCLAIMER: THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED TO SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. BE SURE TO CONSULT A PROFESSIONAL TO HELP YOU INTEGRATE AND UTILIZE THESE CONCEPTS.****

[jerrywise]

Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇

[amberfuchs]

I love how all of your videos contain nuggets of wisdom, it's like going on a scavenger hunt knowing you'll always find something.

[ketherwhale]

Jerry love your show! You explain things so clearly. I finally know what we thought were normal family processes, in fact weren’t. Take good care of yourself you are a gem!

[bingbongcentralhq]

I just wanna cheer "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"

[jennylynn]

Thank you so very much, Jerry - on round two of listening to this discussion. You are such a blessed teacher and healer. I am grateful for your influence - and "hope rather than predict" ... what a gift.

[LinYouToo]

Great wise counsel, Jerry. I’ve been practicing staying present and feeling my emotions when they are triggered in certain conversations. I’ve even said to myself that I’m being triggered as it’s happening in real time. It’s amazing how the simple awareness with a deep breath can put us in the drivers seat. Rather than letting our emotions control us, we can control ourselves and our responses, minimizing reactivity.

Needless to say, after watching your videos for a few years now I was able to move out of the relationship orientation with my mother to an orientation based on my values. Never ever in my wildest dreams could I have imagined I would have the relationship with my mom that I do today. It took a couple of years and a lot of growth. Still growing through it but a long way down the road now.

Thank you and many blessings.

[theperfectautumn]

Watching these videos (and others from various channels) I've personally come to identify especially with these terms: scapegoating, family mobbing, smear campaigning, gas lighting, triangulation, trauma bonding, manipulation, family shame, intergenerational abuse, CEN/childhood emotional neglect, "cheap intimacy" and flying monkeys...and, that's just the tip of my iceberg. I'm emotionally immobilized as ever, however my vision remains 20/20, and for this I am a threat to destabilizing the precariously balanced narcissistic cult I am unfortunate enough to call my family.

Additionally, this dynamic groomed me to be the walking narcissistic magnet I grew into, as I recently again awoke to and purged another narc "so-called friend". But, aimlessly I soldier on...

[karenmininni]

I love the idea of the tennis match and how not to chase what is out of bounds. I just have to learn to keep my mouth shut, so hard.

[southernbawselady]

One word: POWERFUL!

Thanks so much for your wisdom and insight Jerry! 🙏💜💚

[anjalijha]

I am lucky to find this channel.. Affordable therapy 🙏

[umhamedhashmi]

Thank you much sir… you have no idea… how all your videos have been a great help to me.. ….. God bless you… 🌷🌷🌷🌷

[zbyszeks]

Valuable! What I found brillian is: While it is natural thing to ask (why), I'm not sure how helpful it is

[Butterfly-ifqs]

(i love the colors you use at the introduction)

[suzannesmith]

At 13:15, your wonderful explanation clicked. I don’t have to chase and expend myself to hit that lob back. This was such a helpful post.

[karenkasteler]

Great I like the hand visuals. Plus the tennis net analysis....it's all about getting your power your sacred peace of mind.

[CH-]

Wow, that list at 5:50, was very helpful, thanks Jerry!

I've kidded my husband for years that I predict what my family is likely to do.

I predicted that my 85 year old widowed mother would show up at church THIS Sunday, after her absence of 3 months. Sure enough, she did!!
Logic- She had the pastor's wife take her to a doctor's appointment recently.
AND she phoned me out of the blue for 20 minutes in the previous week. My earlier offers of kindness were rejected and replaced with MONTHS of Silent Treatment from her (for the first time ever; even my late father, who was quite grumpy, only gave me a 3 day Silent Treatment at the most).

(My next prediction is that she wants to be invited to stay overnight here for Thanksgiving, like previous years. Where yearly, she says, " I suppose you want me to leave now." 😢)

After church, this Sunday, she walked around the block so she would be facing us as we drove past. We just gave a friendly wave, to her wave.

Later she texted that she misses our weekly visits (tried to guilt me). Well I don't miss the guilting, scolding, and Passive- Aggressive put downs.

[kareemmohammed]

Amazing insight! Much appreciated as always Jerry.

[lukaa]

You are a gift of God to the world Jerry...

[salguzman]

Hey best buddy Jerry, it's your buddy Sal😏, it's been awhile I've been so busy but I wanna say that because I've been learning more about the INFJ, this video really helps clarify why I've been for so many years, uncomfortable when I notice people from a far wanted to connect with me, only for the emotional process, and why I always had been resisting to it. Thanks so much for another profound video❤😏

[USAcit]

I absolutely adore you and your brilliant healing videos. Insightful, clarity and detailed thoroughly. Amazing. When I listen to you a bright light goes on in my mind and I say, "Wow. So incredibly true."
God has given you such a gift to help people understand the family (in my case) dysfunction. ❤