How to Set a Boundary

How to set a Boundary about yelling or name calling during conflict.
#boundaries

[GMK]

I told my ex not to call me a bitch during an argument. He then proceeded to call me a bitch every time he wanted to escalate and argument. Walk away .. run from such people. They don’t love you.

[frankly]

Thank You, No ugly name calling, whether you meant it or not. You cannot take words back. Ugly words repeated WILL do damage. Love your shorts. So validating and insightful.

[heatherthurber]

When my husband and I first got together, we agreed to fight fair which means no name calling, no bringing up old arguments, keep on the current topic and if anyone gets overheated, they can ask for time away and the other person needs to wait until they are ready to talk again to allow tempers to cool. This has worked very well for us so far. Even when we disagree, or get mad, we never create permanent damage to the relationship.

[adiagarwal]

I'm a 20 year old guy and just came out of a serious 1.5 year relationship, after knowing her for 5 years before that. These videos have honestly opened my eyes to so many of my own bad behaviours. Thank you very much for sharing these videos, I've learnt so much from them, and hope one day I can have the emotional maturity to bring happiness to all that surround me.

[MissJRR]

As an autistic person, and someone who did not grow up surrounded by this kind of comunication, this video examples are SO helpful

[mtjc]

I’m sooo glad you addressed the potential pushback of “you’re giving ultimatums and controlling me?!” That happens so often, and especially with someone who is a people pleaser or unused to setting boundaries, it can totally hijack the conversation and leave us (people pleasers/soft boundaries) questioning ourselves and we leave feeling like we are the bad guy, powerless, confused and guilty. I love these shorts you do around mental health and psychological topics

[SereneStudio]

Boundaries are hard to set but they are the key to healthy relationships.

[canarytea]

The fact that my boyfriend responds to these conversations by saying: "You're right, it's my fault, I shouldn't have yelled no matter the situation, I understand if next time any of these are present that we can take a break and come back to the conversation again.' It's why I love him so much.

[racheldawn_]

I really love that you have the other person in the interaction get defensive. Too often you see these roleplays where one partner sets a boundary and the other accepts it willingly and immediately and that’s just not reality. Thank you for these!

[murderessmarbie]

Hands down this worked with my Dad. Everytime he name called I said "Ok and we're taking a break. The end." Took years but he got out of the loop. Works with some people. My narcissist ex, it didn't. You get one of those... Run for the hills.

[mkthinks]

That is a good example, but it gives me anxiety thinking about what happened next in this scenario. My "friend" lately said to me " don't you throw your boundaries in my face" and it was a wake up call for me. Looks like if you have trouble with boundaries at least some people in your life right now you will have to leave behind after those conversations.

[Neovipera]

I was very used to being called nasty things in arguments with exes, friends and family - then I met my boyfriend. Before we even had our first argument, I grew some balls and told him that if we ever argue, I would not call him any names and I would not tolerate it if he called me any names. He looked horrified and said he'd never call me names, angry or not. He said it was just disrespectful behaviour and there are other ways to deal with anger. In almost 6 years, he has never ONCE called me a name or shouted at me. We have only argued a small handful of times because we know how to de-escalate and communicate. I never thought these kinds of people existed before him, but they really are keepers!

[rod]

Hey! I just wanted to drop a comment to thank you for these shorts. I'm a guy trying to unlearn bad behaviors and your videos are always great for quick breakdowns of how certain actions affect my partner. Creators like you are desperately needed for men trying to go down this journey. Keep doing what you're doing!

[MedorraBlue]

I feel this in my soul. My mother gets genuinely triggered if I try to walk away from her or leave the room when she's insulting me... it's why I had to move out at 18. The way "baseball cap guy" responded struck such a painful chord. I understand that my mom was terribly abused before I was even born, and that me walking away from her brings up horrible memories and triggers her PTSD. But also... I deserve to be safe from that, too. She said that I needed to submit to her and that I had no right to demand a boundary. She demanded that I stand still, look her in the eye, be silent, and submissively take it. I was not allowed to be angry or even disagree. She just wanted me to look her in the eye while she screamed at me, and beg forgiveness when she was done. So I moved out as soon as legally possible.

I love her so much still, and it hurts to this day. It's been almost 10 years now. But I can't let this cycle take me, too.

[softerliving]

“When you ___, I will ___, ” and then follow through. A simple concept I didn’t learn until my 50’s. I could have had much healthier relationships had I learned boundaries as a child, teenager, or young woman. This video is an excellent example.

[kimberlykarass]

Omg this resonates. Had a husband who would try to spin any slight criticism or me expressing a need into me trying to control him and if I held to my position- the RAGE! Such a validation of what is an unhealthy response. Thank you!

[kittyfrog]

My exs family told him I was “trying to control him” when I started crying after he did and said horrible things to me. His dad told him to “control his woman.” Yeah. Sometimes toxic family bs runs deep.

[flyingmushroom-lv]

I love how this man takes the time to empathize with the woman, puts on a wig and records in all seriousness

[miajohnsonmusic]

I used to have a problem with always yelling when i got into arguments because of behavior modeled to me by adults as a child. My now partner of 18 years threw a boundary down about it almost as long ago, telling me he refused to be yelled at even in arguments. He actually saved me so much pain that day. I complied with his request and found myself becoming a more calm person and much better equipped to deal with conflict. I found out when I'd raised my voice before it only served to confuse my emotions further and escalate conflict. Learning to talk through conflict instead of getting heated has made me a way more content person overall because I don't have to experience the rage that gets stirred up within me when I raise my volume.

[MyKrabi]

As a social worker - these videos are SO GOOD and constructive. They are so helpful & educational ... that I can even overlook the dollar store wig ....