How to talk to someone with depression

This video is sponsored by Audible, but per usual, all opinions and advice are my own.

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Tom Spriggs at The Coronel Group

shot by Eric Lombart

edited by Josh Lyon

make ups by Caitlyn Brisbin

grip - Melissa Gasca, John Lee, John Mijares, Megan Pham

sound - John Lee

gfx by Bethany Radloff

[sreebeetheone]

Asking people with depression _"Why are you depressed, you have so much to be happy about!"_ is like saying _"What do you mean you have asthma, look at all the air!"_ to an asthmatic person.

[ultimate]

Telling someone with depression to "cheer up" is like telling someone in a wheelchair to "walk it off".

[finnamonbun]

My friend has a hip disease, so she feels pain in that hip all the time. When I try to talk to her about my extreme anxiety and (mild ish) depression, she says things like "I bet it doesn't hurt as much as my hip". I'm always like "you'd be surprised". I've never told her about my attempted suicide.

[zmbabe]

"It's all in your head"

Yes, I know my Depression is in my head, obviously. It is literally a deficiency of neurochemicals and certain neural connections not firing. That's why it's called a MENTAL illness.

[NoraVonYT]

Once tried to confide in a coworker about my anxiety and clinical depression, and she promptly told me that I "don't look depressed" and that I should "cheer up."
... AND WOULD YOU BELIEVE THAT CURED ME :|

[martinago]

I just realised... Anna do you use classical music because there's no copyright?? OHMYGOSH THAT'S GENIUS!

[XiyuYang]

Not enough people are aware that depression is a very real condition, a condition that has physiological and neural reasons that caused it. Telling people with depression to cheer up, is as cruel as telling someone with cancer to heal up.

[sywitz]

I feel like the reason people don't know how to talk to people with mental illness is because, unlike physical ailments, they can't understand how it feels. So it's harder to empathize.

[Greey]

I am going through a depression and my girlfriend told me that I had no reason to be sad at all.
Don't listen to the people around you telling you that you're doing it for the attention ! You DO NOT have to take drugs or beeing an alcooholic to be depressed. Trust your guts : if you are feeling sad and lonely for no apparent reason go out and reach for a therapist, please.

[meredithtoyama]

I have MDD and it's not like it's horrible horrible but I'm just in a constant state of numbness? Like I'm just kind of detached and I'm floating through day to day. I have no concept of time, really. But yeah, please remember that being sad and being depressed are completely different things. Tips like 'treat yoself' are just...ugh.

[Evil_pinata]

It's like having a bad cold for your brain. It doesn't go away within a few minutes either.

[frederickwang]

As a therapist, I wanted to say thank you for sharing all of these experiences. Depression gets stigmatized so much that, in my work, there's a shaming piece that sometimes has to be worked on before even addressing depression.

I remember reading somewhere that people spend 70% of conversations actually talking, and only 30% listening. Since we can't have 140% of conversation, it means that there is a lot of overlap in those times that people talk. Definitely becomes a problem when trying to be supportive to others as we tend to talk over each other.

Always love to see your videos pop up. Definitely gives me a boost in my day too.

[worldreligion]

Seriously, everyone would benefit from a therapy session a week.

[batprofile]

! Im so cheated, where is my "Stay awsome, Gotham"?

[shughl]

This is giving me so much knowledge about depression...knowledge I never had. I had a friend that killed himself after a short phase of depression and that threw me for a loop. So I am glad someone is talking about this stuff.

[tinnick]

The reason of my depression for me was: addiction to self criticism.

And it took me a year to break halfway through this habit.

An offer to help was just unneeded and the best helps that were given were just simple things like cooking us a nice nutritious meal or doing the laundry for us.

The thing is most of us are trying to figure out how we can help our selves.

So even if you asked us, we wouldn't know.

Encouragement is completely unneeded because when you're sick, you don't need someone cheering you on to run faster.

What you need is a shelter, a comfortable place to rest.

Once the proper environment is provided for the patient, the broken bone will heal in time.

Try not to bend it halfway through it's healing :)

[nickstemberger]

Thanks for this Anna! My mom was raised as a 'pull yourself up by your bootstraps' kinda person and it's a go-to saying of hers. It's incredibly difficult trying to explain this to her in her terms. I go to therapy, but she doesn't understand why I'm not "cured" already. I plan on showing her this and hopefully she gets a better idea of what's up.

[katierosefun]

This could not have come at a better time. My mom was complaining to me the other day that people who say they're depressed have too much time on their hands--and I was so tempted to start screaming at her.

[fishmilk]

I never really thought about it before but keeping your own mental health in mind while trying to help someone with depression is really important. I remember back in middle school, my best friend was going through a really hard time and was very suicidal. I did everything I could to help her every day. I went to her house after school every day to see her, I texted her all the time. I even stopped her on the night she was going to kill herself. I got so deeply involved in everything that was happening I didn't even realize how bad I was starting to feel. Some of the worst years for my mental health followed after that. i don't regret helping her but I do regret not bothering to help myself. I think it's super important to help where you can and support where support is needed but you should also try to think about you and your own feelings as well.

[kurtb]

I LOVE that she mentions self- protection. It's a major factor in my head that encourages my isolating myself when I'm depressed. It's an aspect that I think people feel bad about when dealing with a depressed perdon. Be there for someone, of course - but always remember you can't let the negativity or sadness pull down with the person you care about and want to help!