Why Did You Get Divorced?

Why Did You Get Divorced?

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[commentator]

She said they had already been working on other stuff. The affair was just the last thing not the only cause.

[colleenoslund]

I got divorced because he cheated, contracted HIV and I wasn't going to risk my life for someone that couldn't keep his promise of fidelity to me.

[errorarrow]

Emotional affairs rarely are the only issue.

[BanjoPixelSnack]

15 years ago my husband had two separate and short-lived emotional affairs, at that time he was self destructing in a lot of ways (smoking, drinking). At the time, he was honest with me about how he believed he felt about these women. At the time, it hurt but it also seemed totally bizarre to me because he barely knew these people. Anyway, the self destruct continued and it took years before he broke down and told me he had been s*xually abused his entire childhood by a man at his church (a trusted community figure). I already knew his father had been abusive to him. He finally went into therapy. He told me he was terrified of my ability to betray and hurt him (I never had but everyone else in his life had) and so the more he felt for me the worse his compulsion to sabotage became. We've overcome a lot together. 20 years now. I guess what I'm saying is behaviour is communication but it's not always obvious what is being communicated. Personally I was able to forgive emotional affairs because I knew it wasn't what it seemed. And we have both been committed to making our relationship work. I truly believe that if you're with the right person you will find the strength to go to hell and back together.

[tobiasdontmatter]

Everybody’s coming for her but the reason dr John responded with compassion and understanding was because she had already taken self accountability. At the end of the day what we should all want for everyone is healing. And she sounds as though she was ready for it

[frederiquedebeer]

once trust is broken it is very hard to feel differently

[hylianflower]

Nahh an emotional affair is still an affair... dont disregard that dude.

[samanthaquant]

There are many marriages that have gone on to thrive after betrayal. MANY. But it’s not the easy road… and both people have to work on it. Especially the betrayer.

[ms-corleone]

Well you CAN, but that does mean both parties want to..

[mommakimmins]

I had an emotional affair during the roughest period of my marriage, and like John said, at one point I decided to stop dreaming of greener pastures to water my own lawn, and 7 years later I could not be happier. I don't know why he chose to forgive me and stay, but I'm grateful every day

[shelostit]

It’s one thing to feel feelings for someone when the other person doesn’t know. That’s much different than in an emotional fair because it actively involves the other person outside of the marriage. It’s just as hurtful.

[zacharybleu]

Nobody should be falling for anybody. A married person shouldn't be getting to know someone else to the point of deep connection.

[gregorycarlson]

Like John, I have been working with this sort of thing professionally for over 30 years. I would bet my next breath that it wasn’t just an
“Emotional affair”. It was a full blown affair. Put that in the bank. The emotion in her voice was proof positive that she was lying. I love Dr. John, but I believe that it gives people the benefit of the doubt far too often. When it comes to this stuff, people are liars, blame casters, gas lighters, and the list goes on. Very few people admit to guilt and feel real remorse. Sad but true.

[jacckkeeeb]

My fiance had an emotional affair at his work with a girl. I found out, he cut it off and got a new job. We are rekindling everything we ever had. We are much stronger now, thank God!

[tigersteeth]

even if it wasn't physical, the betrayed husband will never look at her the same. when love leaves the marriage then the two spouses should also leave each other and adapt to coparenting.

[melodybowen]

Absolutely true and wasn't not the only reason for divorce, especially after 4 kids.

[vVX-Awoken_Warrior-XVv]

Imagine choosing tingles over your whole family. Betrayal is the worst.

[mirandac]

It’s odd to me how so many people pretend as if an emotional affair is not hurtful enough of a betrayal to warrant a breakup. Physical sex is not the only way someone can cheat. An emotional affair includes deep personal conversations with romantic feelings very much involved and also probably “sexting” (especially if they haven’t physically been intimate). I don’t think it’s wise to stay with someone just because you have four children while also being jaded and absolutely never fully trusting your partner ever again. Children pick up on all of that and they will be raised in a home where they think it’s normal to be bitter and distant with frequent fighting. Kids notice when their parents fight, it doesn’t matter if you whisper or go to another room to fight either.

[Novabella]

Pro tip- it wasn’t just an emotional affair.

[Sunflowerlake]

An emotional affair can be just as damaging as a physical one