Why most MARRIAGES FAIL: you are not enough people

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The divorce rate in the Western world is terrifying. How have we arrived at the point where a marriage is more likely to end in divorce than not? It's a complicated question, but I'd like to offer a contributing factor that is often overlooked, namely: that marriage -- as a fundamentally humble institution -- was not designed to support all of the additional weight it has taken on in recent history. In the words of Kurt Vonnegut, your marriage is struggling because "you are not enough people." And you were never meant to be.

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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.

#psychology #marriage #divorce

[tancreddehauteville]

My wife and I are the most boring people imaginable - and have been happily married for 20 years. 😀 Our expectations of each other have always been low, and these very low expectations have always been perfectly fulfilled. 😄

[jcnlaw]

Experienced divorce attorney here. I approve of this video. Most people have no idea what their rights and responsibilities are under the law when they get married. Nearly all people have no idea how difficult, stressful, and expensive a divorce can be. I suggest that you focus on becoming the very best version of yourself. Do the things that bring you joy. Level up in all areas of your life. You can still have terrific intimate relationships and even have children without bringing state law into your life in the event the marriage becomes non-functioning and someone files for divorce.

[atfsgeoff]

My parents ARE all things to each other and it's friggin weird. They tell each other everything, support and confide in each other in every way possible, and still look at each other like teenagers with lovey dovey eyes even after 41 years of marriage. As I grew up and became an adult myself, I realized just how *shockingly rare* this type of total compatibility is between spouses, and that my folks are the exception, not the rule, for what a marriage looks like.

[bkraft]

Been married for 25 years - my wife and I were married at age 24 after 6 years of dating. We have one adult son, and life has been really good to us. I can't imagine not being married to her and we love each other very much. I guess we're just the exception, but we see marriage as being more than just raising children. We're not Roman Catholic, but we each see marriage as a picture of Christ and the church. That's not what keeps us together though. I think what keeps us together is our friendship. We simply enjoy each other's company. We're partners. We're companions. And we deeply love each other - and try to put each other first. I don't think it's any more complicated than that. We each entered into the relationship not asking, "What can you do for me?" but with "What can I do for you?" Her happiness is very important to me - and vice versa.

[aggiesart]

My husband is my great love, best friend, great father for our son. I love all parts of him and I DON't WANT TO CHANGE HIM. Life is so much better with him and can even think about a life without him, that's boring :) But together we have a simple, boring and great life.

[marriagecausesdivorce]

Most people do not have the mental stability, calmness and patience for the monotony and stability of a traditional 50 year marriage. If you're someone who needs drama, chaos, excitement, thrills, spills, etc hook up culture is probably a better option. People need to figure out their psychology and then choose marriage or hook ups.

[rafaeldeleon]

"Marriage is a humble institution to raise childern" well put.

[TrollMeister_]

Marriage is a partnership with roles, responsibilities and expectations, not a never ending romance.

[michaelbutler]

Loss of the extended family is a massive loss to society.

[raghavendrans]

Love the theme - marriage needs to be built on simplicity, pragmatic open mindedness, and humility.

[trailerparkretirement]

I'm a 56 year-old male divorced and I live in the midwest I listen to many of your talks now I'm not a therapist never been a therapist but I tell you my experience is exactly what you say it about 99% of your videos. Especially the interactions with women. I love listening to your videos man keep up the good work good advice for young guys for sure

[StepDub]

Marriage is primarily a financial arrangement. That’s how our accountant explained it to us forty five years ago. We found it both helpful and amusing at the same time.

[joece]

What I got from this episode is this, most marriages don't work today because of unrealistic expectations towards marriage.

[ElimEx]

Don't forget that the concept of marriage was created to merge finances and improve a family's status and power. It was also never about the couple historically speaking. You are the first person I see that shows the reality of marriage. Thank you!

[LimitedEditionMan]

Fine work as usual! The history lesson helped! 👍🏼

[pocketdweller]

Another banger of a video. My ex wife came to this realization a bit too late after divorce. There’s no animosity but she admitted to looking at me to ‘make her happy’

Once she showed compassion and accountability for ending it, we began to rebuild our co-parenting relationship. A unicorn scenario for sure as we are good friends now.

[benbernank]

Absolutely true, I think that’s why everyone gets divorced 35-40. That’s when families stop being social, and friends grow apart

[pokebowl]

In Hawaii i see 3 phases of tourists In relationship. Falling in Love, honeymoon, last chance bonding before divorce.

[saggie]

Totally agree. Unrealistic and overwhelming expectations are the formula to failure. We must have a conversation of the expectations before we go down that route.

[sindisodube]

This is probably the most profound take on marriage I have ever come across