A narcissist's take on love

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[gwendolynbien-aime]

“Giving everything and receiving nothing” sounds a lot like “keep on using me until you use me up.”

[nemonada]

You can love someone without being a door mat. Love and empathy without boundaries are self destructive.

[lloyannehurd]

“Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.”
Mathew 7:6

[yukio_saito]

“Giving everything and receiving nothing” - It's so exploitative.

[jamesvaughn]

I haven't even watched this yet but, a narcissist idea of "Love" is; as long as it's directed at them...it's "Love". They neeed you to love them and expect you to love loving them. It's like a reverse osmossis process and you're left a dry lake. Love you Dr. "R".

[Kjgairborne]

When narsissist says I love you....this is what they mean:

When I say “I love you” I mean that I love how hard you work to make me feel like your everything, that I am the focus of your life, that you want me to be happy, and that I’ll never be expected to do the same
I love the power I have to take advantage of your kindness and intentions to be nice, and the pleasure I derive when I make myself feel huge in comparison to you, taking every opportunity to make you feel small and insignificant.

I love the feeling it gives me thinking of you as weak, vulnerable, emotionally fluffy, and I love looking down on you for your childlike innocence and gullibility, as weakness.
I love the way I feel knowing that, through the use of gaslighting, what you want to discuss or address will never happen, and I love this “power” to train you to feel “crazy” for even asking or bringing up issues that don’t interest me, effectively, ever lowering your expectations of me and what I’m capable of giving you, while I up mine of you.
I love how easy it is to keep your sole focus on alleviating my pain (never yours!), and that, regardless what you do, you’ll never make me feel good enough, loved enough, respected enough, appreciated enough, and so on. (Misery loves company.)
(It’s not about the closeness, empathy, emotional connection you want, or what I did that hurt or embarrassed you, or how little time I spend engaged with you or the children, and so on. It’s about my status and doing my job to keep you in your place, in pain, focused on feeling my pain, blocking you from feeling valued in relation to me. I’m superior and entitled to all the pleasure, admiration, and comforting between us, remember?)
“I love you” means I love the way I feel when you are with me, more specifically, regarding you as a piece of property I own, my possession. Like driving a hot car, I love the extent to which you enhance my status in the eyes of others, letting them know that I’m top dog, and so on. I love thinking others are jealous of my possessions.
I love the power I have to keep you working hard to prove your love and devotion, wondering what else you need to do to “prove” your loyalty.
“I love you” means I love the way I feel when I’m with you. Due to how often I hate and look down on others in general, the mirror neurons in my brain keep me constantly experiencing feelings of self-loathing; thus, I love that I can love myself through you, and also love hating you for my “neediness” of having to rely on you or anyone for anything.
I love that you are there to blame whenever I feel this “neediness”; feeling scorn for you seems to protect me from something I hate to admit, that I feel totally dependent on you to “feed” my sense of superiority and entitlement, and to keep my illusion of power alive in my mind.
(Nothing makes me feel more fragile and vulnerable than not having control over something that would tarnish my image and superior status, such as when you question “how” I treat you, as if you still don’t understand that getting you to accept yourself as an object for my pleasure, happy regardless of how I treat you, or the children
— is key proof of my superiority, to the world. You’re my possession, remember? It’s my job to teach you to hate and act calloused toward those “crazy” things that only “weak” people need, such as “closeness” and “emotional stuff;” and by the way, I know this “works” because my childhood taught me to do this to myself inside.)
It makes me light up with pleasure (more proof of my superiority) that I can easily get you flustered, make you act “crazy” over not getting what you want from me, make you repeat yourself, and say and do things that you’ll later hate yourself for (because of your “niceness”!). Everything you say, any hurts or complaints you share, you can be sure, I’ll taunt you with later.

[calebcreationofsound]

Another toxic narcissistic quote is if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.

[indigogal]

I remember getting a fortune in a cookie that said blessed is he/she who expects nothing they will never be disappointed. We are not martyrs.

[ardent]

I learned really late in life that I have terrible issues with love because my mom isn't nurturing and never really was, as I'm an adult now she's very callous towards me. Dealing with a narcissist made me realize that I had a love void that I desperately wanted to fill cause I didn't get it at home. I used to think that my grandmother loved me but her love is based on "I'm going to do all these things for you and give you stuff, so you can't disagree with me ever, if you do disagree with me I'll take it all away." I eventually learned I have to give my love to myself and I'm still working on and learning how to do that. As a man I can be very nurturing and soothing to others, man or woman cause that's what I'm missing, that's what I'm looking for.

[disiakay]

A narcissist's definition of "love" is, "all the things they DON'T do - for - you while you are j u s t selfish, ungrateful and nagging...".

[caqol]

You will be surprised how many think their parents show them “unconditional love”. Cause they provide shelter and so forth. While never actually helping their sons and daughters to grow and achieve their goals and dreams.

[jackychuplis]

My ex always used to use love against me and say “if you loved me you would do anything for me no questions asked” but that rule only applied to me. They love using love as a weapon. Thank you Doctor Ramani ❤️

[dawnrobbins]

I totally agree Dr. Ramani. Love with no expectations is reserved for nature and children. I love a goldfish, unconditionally, just for its beauty and nature. I love a majestic tree and expect absolutely nothing in return. Babies are little miracles we have the privilege of sharing their lives and caring for them expecting nothing. But I cannot love grown people unconditionally with no expectations. I judge their conduct and their vibes. I look for respect, not just towards me but how they respect others. How do they respect animals? Public property? Are they worthy of my time? I look for decency and sincerity. I can't love something I can't respect. Ironically, I think that's why narcissists don't really have the capacity for love. They respect nothing. They fear many things which may look like respect, but it isn't. It's just fear.

[brassgal]

“Love is permission to be our authentic self, to be safe, to expect reciprocity… that is love.” I couldn’t have said it better! Thank you Dr. Ramani.

[soraaaa]

My mom tells me sometimes that "we are feeding you.. You should be grateful" and i say " that's your job.. As a parent. You are supposed to feed me" i mean i really am grateful that they take care of me but I don't like it when they use that act of care against me to show dominance or something.

[peterknyk]

Reciprocal LOVE should be natural and normal....with a narcissist it is not possible....giving everything to a non reciprocating narcissist is futile....and destructive to the love endowing empath....it's a horrible place to be "stuck" 😱 love your pets! 💞🐱🐶🐰🦄🦜Love Mother Nature! 🕊💞 Love is safe there...

[danika]

There’s another popular internet quote which I find helpful:
„my love is unconditional, but being in a relationship with me is not.“

Sometimes you just love someone (even a narcissist) no matter what - but still cannot be in relationship with them because it’s not healthy.
Love does not equal relationship. Love is a force that arises in the heart, and can bind us to a person, and even all of life.
Relationship is about how we interact with others, and requires intelligent management, as well as continuous growth and learning.

[navydogsadventures]

They love to take take take and receive receive receive, but very little is ever given back!

[pamhalula]

My ex narc repeatedly complained about “unconditional love”, he wanted to control, abuse, and torture me…but couldn’t understand why I couldn’t love him unconditionally! 🤦‍♀️

[Kat-eopm]

This reminds me of when my narcissistic ex husband would use the Bible to manipulate me into “loving him without expecting anything in return”. He would regularly quote the scripture that says “ love covers a multitude of sins”. He would tell me that if I loved him, and if I really was a true Christian, I would look passed everything he has done to me. The day we finalized our divorce he had the audacity to ask me if I wanted to cancel the divorce and start over. I reminded him that too much damage had been done. He then told me that that is what my problem is, and the reason for our divorce- the fact that I won’t forgive and forget everything he has done to our family. I told him, “you would never forgive me if I did any of this to you”. That was the end of our conversation.