Pushing People Away, Yet Wanting Closeness | Abandonment & Being Hurt

There are a variety of reasons we push others away. Some of which being fear, not feeling deserving, and even emotional problems. Overcoming this obstacle mostly has to do with building confidence, overcoming past traumas, and learning from your mistakes.

—CHAPTERS—
0:00 - Intro
1:38 - Why Do We Push People Away
4:47 - Overcoming It
8:15 - My Experience
10:30 - Conclusion

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[taylorowens]

Does anyone else feel lonely, even when there around other people? I’m so scared to connect with anyone because I don’t want to get hurt. My fear of being hurt and abandoned has caused me to push away the people I care about. I feel so empty and alone.

[alliehagan]

I push people away because I'm scared to hurt them. :(

[hotfriedgriyoandpeeklees]

I have always done this. I was raised in a traumatic environment, I never felt good enough, love was conditional, and I was reminded all the time that everyone was better than me. I would realize I was pushing, apologize, and then push again.

[genissefranklin]

Sometimes I push people away cuz I am afraid of getting hurt

[alizaherum]

I'm afraid of being abandoned. That's why I like to stay alone. The moment when I see someone is coming closer I feel the need to go away or maybe disappear. It feels what if after knowing me they just leave me.

[bichen-up-ur]

I don’t know why but I get uncomfortable when I find out someone has feelings for me and I gradually get distant with them. The feeling of being romantically liked by someone just makes me so uncomfortable.

[arpitamishra]

True. I push people away because I am afraid after getting to know me they will leave me.

[agelessdinosaur]

Idk I used to be cheerful and friendly and open, but when you associate with a lot of people, you also meet a lot of negative ones. With just enough of them + the fatality of the damage they cause (for some reason I experience disappointment way more intensely than joy) they can really waste your ''social battery'' straight to the end and make you not want to associate with anyone at all.

[danniespokes]

I don't fully understand it myself but I don't really want any friends, I mean I do but I'd rather just have people I can chat with sometimes and can help/confide in each other and be very close with. I feel like I'm so obligated to meet up with people all the time and constantly talk and be interesting, I'm an introvert and have over time become a bit of a lone wolf, I can only manage 2 or 3 friends at a time, but its so draining. I know its selfish but its true and its so much easier to do everything myself and then sometimes sit with or chat with someone. but people just think you're an antisocial weirdo who has no friends, you know?

[PlexusCaeruleum]

For those who think pushing others away is reducing the risk of being betrayed, think again. You'll end up building walls around yourself, and eventually you'll just be trapped and lonely, for no-one will be able to help you. The only way to find people who will be true to you, is to go outside of your walls and see for yourself. Just don't get to attached to anyone until you know what they're like inside.

[carolinequinn]

I'm so scared that people will leave me or hurt me so I push them away but at the same time I feel alone I HATE IT

[jannellerodriguez]

Pushing people away is one way of avoiding intimacy. In fact, this avoidance can act as a defense mechanism for people afraid of getting hurt in relationships. Even if you think you've healed from a past relationship that ended badly, worries about further rejection might linger in your subconscious.

[agrotta]

I notice I feel like friendships put too much responsibility on me that I cannot handle/keep up with. I feel like others except too much from me and I cannot deliver such as being a consistent communicator.

[carolemarie]

I push away and don't realize that's what I did until a long time afterwards. I can't figure out why I felt that way, I knew I loved them but still kept pushing.

[althepal]

I always get angry at people and snap, then push them away. Even if they forgive me, I don’t want to lash out at them again. So I push them all away.

[schofield]

Some push people away as punishment for when they feel neglected and/Or to gain a sense of autonomy and control when they’ve been unable to control the loneliness they feel

[millieisacoolgirl]

it drains me to talk to people or date someone like I can’t I get so tired of them but still be loving them at the same time

[lillith]

I pushed everyone away. Intentionally. I did this completely aware of it and I wanted everyone to be gone. And when they all left I did feel relieved and free. I felt so at peace with myself. But everything just kept getting worse and worse. Now it’s been over a year and I have not had a single social interaction that was not forced or necessary. I am so incredibly lonely. I actually fell into maladaptive daydreaming. Also I now have issues even talking. I just haven’t had anyone to talk to in a year and so I never had the chance to. Now I get anxious and panic whenever I do have to speak in front of anyone. I feel like I can’t breathe. I get so overwhelmed. I struggle with panic attacks. I don’t know what to do. I tried talking to my mother about this as she is the only person in my family I am able to converse with. But she only told me it was my own fault because I was the one who isolated myself and ran away from everyone. She told me those are the consequences of being as asshole and isolating myself. She got so angry at me for being sad about being lonely.
I am disgusted by my own self pity. Obviously what she told me is correct, so I can’t go running around whining about this to other people like I did with my mom. But I also know I cannot be with this alone anymore. I don’t see an escape out of this. I don’t know what to do.

[CR-vbeq]

I used to have friends and I used to really want more friends and be really social but now I honsetly feel nothing. I'm not exaggerating but I just dont feel like bothering to even try to talk to people. I dont have any friends anymore and when my old friends try to talk to me I just cant make myself put in the effort.

[htfcm]

I know I'm weird because I like to talk to people at times when I feel like it, but other than that, I really don't like being around people. I really feel like relationships require too much attention. I like to keep conversations minimal, I don't like giving affection, I don't like being friendly or "nice". Not to say I am mean but I have no interest in others unless I can get some kind of value that benefits me. I know that people believe that's selfish but to me, it's just normal and rational.