LOVE means PUSH away for the BPD

The more you LOVE your beloved Borderline partner - the more you PUSH it away
It is inevitable. Find the whole video lecture of Prof. Sam Vaknin in the end screen of this video.

[MrFingerz]

This explains why they ditch good partners who do everything for them and are drawn to ones that treat them badly. It reinforces the bad object.

[HerbertGoldstein-gygy]

doesnt really matter if you have boundaries or not, if your nice or not, they will see at a certain point every action, be it friendly or unfriendly as bad, so even if you dont love them as a partner they will fuck you over, there is no win

[heythere]

I fell for a girl with bpd, undiagnosed but it’s really obvious she had it. I had no awareness of it. I gave her excuses for a year. She slightly got better at communication, or Atleast admitting her confusion indirectly via letting have a monologue and offer solutions and interpretations of what was happening.

But it seemed like she was still lying, we had said we were to start new, we kissed goodbye and she wouldn’t let go of the hug, then she left at 2 am to see her “depressed “ friend.

Then it seemed she was off with other people again though she said she only texted her mom and wasn’t seeing anyone and it was just me. Then I started calling out the fact bluntly (after a year of gentle convos) that she acted like I was a stranger and always ignored my messages/texts tho I never did that once to her. I asked if she would just try and speak to me, she said “I don’t need distractions rn”.

After a week I decided not to ruin what I had been fighting for, I ask if we’re good after mending it single handedly, she texted “yes” then later I show up and leave flowers at her doorstep and some chocolates she liked . She then texted “you can’t just show up at my house, I’m sorry I don’t want what you want, goodbye, take care of yourself” . Knowing her, that was all I’d get. Like a stranger, like used toilet paper .This was the same person whod ask me why i didnt just show up to her place before when we planned to meet up somewhere. Constant contradictions. She acted like multiple people, if i had seen her, she would act like a gf, if not it was like she didnt know me and there was no backstory to us.

Then not knowing her condition, I basically said all that someone with bpd would be terrified of hearing about themselves, I figured she was just playing me and had no conscience, was ill willed intentionally. She had always playing games but i was done making excuses. She was very demeaning and talked down to me while simultaneously minutes later wanting intimacy, zero to 100, so icalled it out once and for all, i had addressed it before but i finally realized it was stunning cold behavior that she simply didnt care about, there was no confusion for her, just selfish.

Then an anonymous “friend” claimed to know everything and said I was a narcissist who didn’t know how to communicate (the irony was unbelievable ). Long story short it was a narcissist she was on a date with when she got those flowers. They day he Lectured on how it was toxic and she needed time to heal and myself too (I guess he meant he needed time to trauma bond her ) I said I’d reach back after a few weeks . Welp he was dating her when I reached out, I thoroughly went over our interaction and all her behaviors and my perceived faults, welp the predatory narcissist read it all and she didn’t read it. He doubled down on her splitting and claimed it was normal and I was a psycho. I then told him I knew he was trying to scare her into his arms and once I called him out he all of a sudden stopped being so interested in talking to me . He said “I or her won’t respond anymore if you reach out “ well I NEVER reached out to him. Everything he was saying had this underlying message like he was the narrator and solution to everything. He claimed he reached out to me anonymously to do me a favor and help me when he took advantage of the blowout the night she got the flowers on the date with him .Obviously he was only there to help himself and make drama expand. Also when he initially reached out he said “you didn’t make her greatest weakness into her biggest strength “ etc, a bunch of shallow wannabe romantic sayings, it was like I was talking to a bunch of misplaced hallmark cards.He clearly said it so she would read what he wrote and think he was a romantic hero. In the emails she didn’t look at, I apologized ALOT. He claimed what I was saying was “very toxic” despite wanting to only apologize. He said this knowing she wouldnt read it, so he got to reframe it as he pleased . I had realized something was seriously wrong with her and was concerned bc I knew she was promiscuous and seemingly erratic.

Anyways she ended up marrying her predator in a beauty and the beast themed “wedding”. It’s wild. I somehow instinctively knew something was off with her and I knew the guy was a manipulator, it wasn’t until I looked into these disorders that I realized how wildly predictable and cliche things were. I can go on and on, I feel for her, she wasn’t loud or even cutting with her words, just judgmental and gaslighting constantly. If she only knew her disorder, she could Atleast have the dignity of having her self awareness and be a bit less prone to being manipulated. I heard her voice a couple years later, it was shaky sounding, she wasn’t like that when I knew her. I have sorrow to think of what the narcissist has done to her psyche

[marshallbrown]

Don't ever confuse pain for love. It may feel romantic, but it is masochistic. Love does not conquer all. Some were broken so early on, you can never make them whole. It is deeply tragic. If you reach out, you both drown. It will be a pain unlike anything you've experienced -- the merging, and then the ripping apart.

[mhillify]

I cannot contribute anything more than passing sympathy for these broken people...never care to deal with that paradox ever again.