Loving Someone with Depression Who Pushes You Away

Loving someone with depression who pushes you away can be painful. I know. I’ve been there. But I’ve learned a few things that help me immensely when my depressed partner pushes me away. In this video I’ll help you understand why your depressed partner wants to be alone and what you can do to stay sane, stay healthy and even stay happy when your partner is depressed and needs space.

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Your divorce can either be the nail in your coffin, or it can be the catalyst you use to finally confront and heal your emotional wounds so they don't kneecap your relationships.

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I’m Rachael Sloan, Master NLP Practitioner, certified life coach, and the creator of Better Beyond Divorce. I've helped hundreds of men move past the shock, betrayal, grief and anger they experience both during and after a divorce, to a place of clarity, calm and confidence. I hope to help you do the same.

DISCLAIMER: I am a Master NLP Practitioner and personal growth mentor. The material in this video represents my understanding and experience and nothing more. This content is not meant to replace professional medical advice, treatment or diagnosis. Always consult your medical provider before making any changes to your treatment.

I know that can be hard to believe.

You may be thinking, “when my depressed partner won’t talk to me, how does that have nothing to do with me? What about when my depressed partner shuts me out? Or when my depressed partner lashes out and BLAMES me for making it worse?”

But it’s true. None of it is about you. They may have thoughts that make them feel sad, angry or hopeless. They may have thoughts that create intense apathy and an inability to connect. In the video I help you explore the many reasons your depressed partner pushes you away so you can separate that action from yourself.

Another thing I’ve learned is that loving someone with depression who pushes you away is possible. You can always enjoy loving them. Even when your partner is depressed and needs space, you can feel powerful, beautiful love for them, because that emotion is created by your thoughts.

However, you’ll struggle to love a depressed partner who wants to be alone or who pushes you away if you don’t do the work to love yourself first.

The single most important thing you can do to support a depressed partner, the single most powerful way of loving someone with depression, is to learn to love yourself first. You cannot give them the incredible gift of your unconditionally loving, non judgmental presence if you aren’t able to give that gift to yourself.

You cannot truly love anyone, with depression or not, if you haven’t learned to love yourself.

[fisharepeopletoo]

"you can love them no matter what... You still get to enjoy loving them, because love is not for them, it's a feeling you feel in your body.... But you're gonna have a hard time doing that if you haven't loved yourself first."

[myruby]

My boyfriend is struggling with suicidal depression and just recently decided to break up with me. I’ve been so hurt and confused and I was always trying to be there for him and help him through. I didn’t understand why leaving me was what’s best for him, but your words have helped immensely to understand that. Thank you so much ♥️

[TomSanders-qvbv]

I was severely traumatized years ago as a teenage, got diagnosed with cptsd. Spent my whole life fighting cptsd. I also suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 6 years totally clean. Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms.

[melaniemanning]

There's "pulling away, " and then there's abuse. I suffered emotional abuse from my depressed partner and it got worse and worse. I finally allowed myself to do what was best for my survival and leave.

[dlangley]

Thank you. Im experiencing this right now with my boyfriend pushing me away saying our relationship is pointless and it won't work.

[abayal]

As someone on the other side of this, it’s enlightening to hear reasons why I am acting this way. I’m not usually emotionally intelligent enough to come about these conclusions on my own. Thank you.

[MerimaBrkic-qizm]

No person can take away major depression. You just have to sit in it until it goes away.

[rdfst]

I am going through this right now and this video has really opened my eyes. I have been blaming myself for our separation for the last two months and it has really drug me down. I have realized that she is going through depression herself that I never even knew she had. I have made her a promise to support her through this and let her know I am not going anywhere. It is really sad to watch someone you love so much go through depression but if you love them you have to pray for them and be there for them even if its from a distance.. Thank you so much for the videos.

[thevikingbeard]

It's so hard because you want to help them and they push you away. All you want to do is love them but they put up barriers even when trying to understand.

[AmandaNicolexo]

I was in a weird situation. The person I love was going through an extreme state of depression/anxiety and I felt them pulling away. He was crying and told me he is in love with me but it’s best that we take a break… he said he’s coming back for me because I’m the one girl in his life that he loves… so I honored that. We hadn’t spoken for 10 months because HE said when his mind is better he will return to me. In the meantime I continued moving forward but everyday but a gosh damn struggle because I missed him so much😞 he just never saw that…. Because we were out of contact. All he saw was me being “happy”. Well at the 10 month mark I had to reach out. I missed him so much… the last time we had spoke, he was a ball of vulnerability- so tender and warm. He NEVER expressed this side to himself. 10 months later and when I reached out he was cold as ice. Even though he left the ball in his court to come back to me, I feel like he was hurt that I didn’t reach out. The night we last talked 10 months prior, he said everyone in his life abandoned him. so he probably sees it that I abandoned him too even tho I was just trying to respect his space.

So I ended up telling him that my feelings haven’t changed and I still care so deeply about him. I told him that I didn’t reach out because I was honoring his space. I told him I missed him so much every single day, but I said that I respect if he’s moved on or met someone else….. he hasn’t responded to me and it’s been a day. I don’t know what to do because I feel hurt and forgotten too..::😞

[stephenkarla]

The most frustrating thing about depression is nobody you were once close to doesn't listen and understand. They don't take the time to watch these help videos. It makes you feel alone. When there is no compassion from others to even try to understand just makes a person dive deeper and deeper into depression. Also, others seek and talk about your depression to others that you once felt comfortable talking to and you feel like everyone knows I'm messed up. But, in my journey I have found that I'm on another type of level of awareness and I'm not talking about a higher IQ. There's something else going on that's unexplainable.

[ikhwanazamri]

I needed this 🥺 I love her more than anything, she's my world. I will always love her no matter what, through thick and thins. Even things get hard, I'll be there for her no matter what. Thank you so much 🤍

[HaloHuntress]

My ex was numb and left me because he couldn't feel anything, even love. It's hard but I can't stay with someone who so easily pushes me away. Even if he's depressed all I can hope is that he gets help.

[KxngJames]

so this is how she felt … ever since she left i’ve been searching for a reason as to why. we were heavy on psychology while together so i figured psychology would lead me to the answer. i began to ask why she left. she told everything this video says. she felt unworthy of love. she felt like she was dragging me down. if only she knew.

[WolfQueenLydia]

All the examples you gave is referring to my bf 10000%. We going to a have a talk this weekend about it, and to show him how I'm going to be there for him and work on my own emotional strength too. I love him so incredibly much, and I know when he says he's losing feelings that deep in his heart he doesn't mean that.

[danielrivera]

The fact that they don't talk to me brings me down, I'm overthinking like crazy. she says she needs a break...I may need to end it because it's messing with my health

[brandonXbones]

I was depressed and completely disconnected to my partner. I would come home and play video games to disconnect from life. She left me 4 months ago because she said I felt like I didn’t want her and she didn’t matter. I just wish she understood she was all I wanted. Just knowing she was there

[xxSMOKINGUNxx]

My wife is depressed but is also a only child and a narcissist, it’s getting had to listen to all the names and abuse, I just want to love her

[Tortured-soul]

Some people who are prone to depression are short on vitamin D3 and C.Get a label for the cause there are lot’s of good medications that can lift people out of their depression. It’s vital to get him or her help especially when they feel suicidal. Never assume that threats of suicide are just threats get help quickly. Get out of the house go for walks in nature. Encourage him to go to bed at a reasonable time and to get up early. Try to keep active and positive.

[Anonymous-zemu]

He told me to focus on myself and my kids. He stopped telling me he loves me 😔, he stopped calling me, or texting me. Yet says he does not want me to go away... It's damn hard 😭😭😭