Why Does Narcissistic Abuse Get Worse Over Time?

Much like other addictions, the abuse will escalate over time. Both the victim and the abuser have an addiction, though the addiction is based on something different for each. Both the victim and the abuser develop a tolerance to the abuse and both are chasing the dragon of the initial high.

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NOTE: Meredith Miller is not a therapist or counselor — She is a holistic integration coach, helping you to self-heal after abuse and transform your life. She works with a mind-body-spirit approach to wellness that is a valuable complement to traditional psychotherapy. She recommends that you also seek out a licensed therapist who has experience with narcissistic abuse and understands these dynamics extensively in order to help you with the Complex-PTSD, especially in the early stages of recovery. Thank you for taking responsibility for yourself!

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[chrissysurname]

My narc got more and more abusive toward be as he lost more and more "control" over me.

[KristenWack]

my mother's eyes actually shimmer now when she's trying to be hurtful toward me. if i react with anger or emotion her face expresses the rush she gets.

[acmaeve]

"You're just an object that fulfills their desires." <- Yes!! Say it louder!! Taking my life back one day at a time!!!

[NikkiDocherty]

I am emotionally unavailable to these types. They are unbelievably arrogant in their belief that they have some sort of hold on you. I am so repulsed that I can't stand it.

[neen]

Tommorow i am escaping for good.

No more abuse.
No more bs.
No more not living.
No more tiredness.
No more isolation.
No more lies.
No more drama.
No more haremmembers.
No more waiting for the next crazy episode.
No more blue eyes.
No more alcohol abuse.
No more tinder.
No more his sick enablers famliy.
No more walking on egg shells.
No more being silent.

No more narcabuse!!!!

I am

[rphillips]

i couldnt watch these videos at first cos the truth was too painful.

[darly]

I think your advice has saved my life. Little signs, little red flags & the occasional angry outburst where I saw a completely different person to who I saw on a daily basis. Seemed to go in 6 month cycles getting frequently shorter. I thought at first it was because he kept his problems to himself. Truth is he was just being constantly ambiguous and I soon discovered what was happening was he was exhausted from having to keep up the facade of who he was pretending to be and then BANG he'd show Mr Hyde and I couldn't even recognize him. Abusive, foul mouthed, just horrible. Eventually his play making became slowly more violent. I got out before I got hurt. Blocked his number, took out a protection order. Anytime I feel melancholy or nostalgic I just watch one of your videos and remember how often I wished during the relationship I could find a safe way out, now I'm free, thank you.

[risingeagle]

Profound. What is stated is all too true. It doesn't get easier, and it does get worse. My wife would idolize me one moment, which will draw me back to lowering my guard, then she would negatively pounce suddenly when a situation would appear to be improving.

It's called the crazy-making cycle. I'm stuck and tired; 30 years of it. I'm still trying to figure out how I got hooked into such a situation...a living daily nightmare.

It's madness and hard to escape without going through the meat grinder. She can be so nice one moment, then become the most unkindest person I know or have ever met.

Just when I have my mind made up to finally leave, she turns on the love bombing charm. Causing me to reset and fall back into a hopeless-hope pattern. I've constantly found myself believing things would get better, only to realize that I'm a consummate succor for emotional vampirism. Now it's 30 years later and the same crazy cycling pattern is present in my relationship. When's it going to stop; now I have gotten too much invested and am way too enmeshed.

Where were you 25 years ago? I do feel like an idiot at times, especially when I realize how effective my wife's "Love bombing" was in the early days of our marriage. Heck!!! It's still effective today.

Warning!!!! Those who are dealing with the Cluster B types of personality....run/flee!! If caught in such a person's snare, then it gets tougher to escape as time passes. It is next to impossible, due to enmeshment and the uncertainty principle of being on your own and seeking to recover from an unplanned adventure of an emotional rollercoaster ride of a life time. It's not fun...it's exhaustive in every way.

[Meechl]

Great video! I met a guy who was great at the beginning and then tried to control me. Telling me how I should dress and what I should eat. He told me I made him feel good about himself but he would poke fun of my body. I realised he was toxic and dumped him. We dated for about 6mths, but it too 28mths for him to get the message. He always believed that exes slept together after a relationship ended, but I proved him wrong! I still think about him, but have blocked him on all my media. It's now been 3 1/2 years and he still tries to contact me. You video made sense because it did feel like an addiction, but I recognised the signs before it was too late and took a hold on my mental health.

[withlovekarla]

this makes so much sense to me, im literally in tears now. This has been very tough

[lindaduncan]

51 yrs of marriage, I relate and identify totally ..lost my health and sanity, lived in sadness while trying to love for two, Lived with fear, physically and verbally abused, alcoholism addiction, replaced, betrayed, lied to throughout, constant infidelity for years. I've recently been diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment! He is my trained caregiver. Presently I’m living in an Seniors residence waiting for our house to sell where he is presently living. 50th year of marriage, more personal information was disclosed that turned my feelings to disgust, distrust, Disrespect from more lies and deceit. This caused a total breakdown and a serious suicide attempt in my 70th year. I must have a caregiver to be able to stay in this residence. I did emotionally break f, rom his control 5 years ago. Chronic Health issues from the stress and the disability from fear, is part of the reason for not leaving. At 74 yrs. he realizes the damage he has caused and chose to have therapy. I am too hurt and broken to care now, yet there is this situation of having to stay together. This man is a professional and highly regarded by everyone. Sound familiar?

[pmg]

I final took action to leave him, coming up to a month now with no contact.
My ex psychopath/narcs bad behaviour did escalating, initially in relation to verbal and emotional abuse. Until finally i had him arrested for verbal and physical abuse and has a result he was given a restraining order by the Magistrates court. I have never ever met anyone like him before, he was so capable of acting so loving, caring and extremely attentive towards me. But when the devaluation phase started which was one month after our so called relationship started he was trying his hardest to slander and devalue my personality and good character. All i can say is thank God i am an empathic and strong minded person otherwise this cruel and nasty character would have driven me to my grave!

Thank you for your videos, they help those who have had the unfortunate business of meeting or becoming involved with these unsavoury problematic characters. Also, your videos educate healthy people by opening the door wide on Narcissists, psychopaths, Cluster B …..behaviour.

[marydonovan]

So glad I found you. I'm a survivor of narcissist abuse. I discovered my husband was an alcoholic I 1969. It wasn't until the last Monday in Juli, 2015 that I found he was a narcissist. The last piece of the puzzle fell into place. I've had no contact since the early 70's. I've been in counseling of one kind or another thinking I had a weak inner constitution. Since 2015, I was happy to find out that my neurotic fears came from living with a mentally deficient person!

[crazymakerpleasestop]

Maryeen...I had children, I didn't realize I was being abused, I had no finances of my own, I thought divorce was out of the question, he told me he was perfectly happy so I took on the responsibility in trying to improve myself...there's more. Me addicted. .no way. I avoided his wrath as it increased over the years, as much as possible...especially in front of the kids. When I heard the word Narcissistic 3 yrs. ago, I started research and got really angry when I found he was doing it on purpose. i was not crazy! That was the beginning of the end for our relationship. not everyone fits in 1 mold. thanks for asking!

[shineforth]

Truth. It does get worse. The game of the 3 phases actually gets more sophisticated, so sophisticated, it's a dangerous time of losing self even more than when awoken to the trauma.

[sheilawilliams]

It started with my narcissistic/abusive mother and continued with my narcissistic/abusive daughter. I finally hit bottom after 60 years of allowing myself to be a victim and have begun to heal. Thanks so much for your insight, Meredith!

[CarlosSuperCute]

My Narcissist got more Confident in Abusing others the more she got away with her Abusive Behavior...

[TheSister]

Leave that person!! Even if you love him/her but they don't love you!! Get the hell out! Do something for your own safety. I done that and I am happy, have everything I want and more energy!

[DavidHarbottle]

Video suggestion: a simple, concise explanation of narcissistic abuse, and the impact on the victims, for the general public (i.e. friends and family).
No-one in my circle understands what I have been through, and I find it impossible to discuss it with them as it's so complex.

[BlackCulturalPreservation]

Very true. After the narc has hoovered/stalked me & I took him in/back the love bombing and the abuse intensified. Bcs the emo/mental abuse turned physical, I had to end it. I refuse to waste anymore years of my life on toxic narcs. I am love myself too much.