How Narcissists Keep You Trapped In Abuse

It's bad enough for narcissists to demean you with abusive, inappropriate behaviors and attitudes. But Dr. Les Carter explains how they also delight in keeping you down once they have become influential. Understanding their gaslighting, controlling tendencies, you can break free from their psychological grasp.

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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.

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[nikkic]

Key word is trapped they want you to remain their victim. How delusional can one get?!

[jenme]

Financial abuse. Other than the mind games, financial abuse is a key practical way that keeps the cycle going.

[joejenkins]

My ex didn't want me to work. He figured that I'd never be able to break free and support myself. I surprised him. After 22 years, this doormat turned into a magic carpet and flew away!

[shamusosullivan]

I hate that we have to be here in comments on a holiday. Such a horrible place- being trapped by a narcissist.

[brissaramirez]

I fell into alcoholism dealing with my narcissistic husband trying to cope with constant lying cheating and putting blame on me Now i am trying to live a sober life 3 weeks strong . Thank you for these educational videos they keep me going and stay motivated

[izawaniek]

Narcisists keep you trapped in their cage of abuse and the most effocient way to do it is to keep you somehow dependent on them - financial abuse leads the way. Thank you dr Carter.

[creativeconciousness]

It was so funny when I married my ex narcissist, the very first red flag was my clothes would come up missing. I remember one day I had brought it up to her about a coat disappearing, which was the only one I owned at the time. I will never forget her response was, "I didn't like it, so I got rid of it." I remember telling her that you do realize you don't discard people's belongings without their permission.

[sylviasimpson-no]

The narc requires a straight jacket - yet is still roaming about in public - politicians being a prime example.

[kathiemihindukulasuriya]

With the scolding, they will talk very slowly and repeat themselves multiple times, as if talking to a not very bright toddler - but if you call them on it, they claim they have no idea what you are talking about.
Their "inside information" is often completely or mostly false - designed to discredit you and enhance their image.

[sherriolson]

It is astounding how all narks act in the same way. The behaviors seem to be identical across time and cultures. Once again, thank you Dr C.

[thesfanatic]

Intimidation, mind games, controlling, manipulation. That is what I've been through for 20 years. I am done. I'm not getting involved with those toxic people ever again.

[druchampion-payne]

My mother-in-law would use her *perceived* self-importance & her position of power as the family matriarch to keep me trapped in her abuse ... she behaved like a queen ruling & reigning over her subjects within her little kingdom, and everyone, but me, played their role. I wasn't the doting daughter-in-law, eager to please the queen ready to bend over backwards for her highness. Instead, I started pulling away so I could free myself from her abuse and control. My absence and silence would make her crazy. But I had to distance myself from her to preserve my mental health and marriage. Glad I did. And thankfully my husband understood :)

[jackiepaul]

I videotaped my narc husband and told him I was taping him, and he said he didn't care and I captured all of his horrific outbursts and went to the police station and he was arrested on felony domestic abuse. 50, 000 bond. The narc will eventually cause their own demise.

[warrenbradford]

I have been scapegoated in my narcissistic family so that my toxic family members can keep getting away their abuse towards me and healthier members. I am setting boundaries to break free from their sphere of influence and live my own life in peace.

[cyndim]

He has started picking fights over nothing. When I disagree with him he tells me to get out of his house. Married for 36 years together 40 and he wants to throw me away like I’m an old pair of shoes. Last week I was his “Babydoll”. I hate this roller coaster.

[lynngreen]

I remember telling my soon-to-be ex that the reason I was responding differently to him was because, “I’m on Team Healthy.” That took him by surprise. Ha! Thanks for being here for us Dr. Carter. You are a great coach!!!

[Ma-Says]

It was a big step to call my experience “abuse” even to myself. After decades of justifying or “forgiving” it and enduring their justifications and rationales I just don’t care anymore. When they are confronted with the memory of one of these incidents they reply that they were probably wounded too in the moment so they responded that way. Another tactic is to say they don’t really remember it. My response is that the abuser may not remember but the victim sure does! They believe I should “forgive and forget” like they do. Try being on the receiving end of their behavior and see how quickly they would forget! It’s sick and twisted!

[mpicos]

I can spot a narcissist very quickly, that's something I learned with the years. Still working on my vulnerability with them, for example I still cannot stop thinking about something the narcissist said (their comments and so on). SO for me my work is keeping distance with the narcissists in my mind, stop "talking to them" in my mind.

[aaronkwolfe]

For me, it was sheer bewilderment that I had no idea what was going on. I was trying my best to be the loving, supportive husband to my (now estranged, narcissistic) wife. The love bombing made me think I was being successful (and appreciated), so this went on through 3 years of dating and engagement and 22 years (out of the 27 we were together) of marriage. I thought I knew her, and could handle her fears and disappointments. I had no idea.

[rosieE]

I was a teenage bride, and all of it happened. Glad it is past tense!