What You Should Never Say To Childfree Women

In this episode, Chelsea talks openly about the kinds of things you should never say to a childfree woman, and cites ample research illustrating why a childfree lifestyle isn't an empty one.

[sydney]

I wish more people understood that it is far worse to be a bad parent than a non-parent.

[MsSassyMT]

As the mother of 2 childless adult daughters, I get hit with the questions too. People literally ask me when I'm going to be a grandmother, as if I have any control over it, or that I even care if it happens. People need to mind their own business.

[JP-skfu]

I find the "Don't be so selfish." to be the strangest thing to say to people who don't want to have children. Like, how am I being selfish when no one is being affected by my descion except for me. The children in question don't exist and never will.

[butterflymuse]

"What are you going to do when you're old?"

Wheelchair race with you, Gladys, at the nursing home your children dumped you in because they were too busy with their own lives and own children to take care of you 🤷‍♀️

[shey]

"Are you just afraid you'll mess up your body?" This sounds so vain but its such a real concern. Your body becomes permanently changed by pregnancy and its okay to not be okay with that.

[Professormillard]

I always knew that I didn’t want bio kids. I got judged. We decided to adopt just one when we were 34, and got judged. Then we ended up liking parenthood more than we thought, and have since adopted four...and have been judged, judged, judged. There is just no winning as a woman. I’ve had to learn the hard way to tune people out.

[sleepyheadsarah]

Years ago at a cafe, I saw an older lady sitting with her church group complaining that she wanted grandkids but her son and daughter-in-law said they weren't ready. She and her friends then proceeded to pray that the daughter-in-law's birth control would fail. I think about that moment a lot. What must that poor young woman's life have been with a mother-in-law like that?

[CW-riug]

As a person who grew up in a household with parent who had me for the wrong reasons, it sucked being treated as a burden and resented.

I’d rather regret not having children than to regret having one.

[catladytrucker]

I'm 51, don't have kids, and I absolutely cherish my freedom. I also have a very high degree of self-actualization. Ladies, there's absolutely nothing wrong with not having children.

[coneil]

"Are you afraid of messing up your body?" Um....yes? Like, not wanting to go through a deeply traumatic and physically debilitative experience is...sensible?

[dawnbolton]

My 1 and only daughter has decided to not have children. Raising her as a single mom I truly understand the cost of raising a child and the cost for college. I will not be a grandmother. She puts a lot into her friends and her family I feel I am blessed with my daughter and wish her nothing but happiness.

[rosem]

I'm 54. No kids by choice. I can attest that there has not been one day in my life that I'd regretted it. No emptiness, no sense of loss or having missed anything.
My reply to "missing something special" is - having the change to become the best you and closest to yourself because you have more time, energy and many times more alone-ness, it's priceless to me. Call me selfish, but at least I don't inflict that on kids... :)

[msthing]

I have three babies: my resume, my bank account, and my travel experiences. They are healthy and growing, so blessed!

[cindyi]

I had an ex co-worker completely befuddled when I told her I didn't want to get married or have children. She then proceeded to tell me children are the greatest blessing from God and if God really loves me, he will bless me with a husband and children. She's lucky I didn't report her to HR.

[Stephanie-hnyn]

I personally am tired of hearing that the reason women aren’t having kids is because they’re pursuing career goals. I’m 31, single, don’t have any kids... and I don’t have any aspiration to go further in my career than where I’m at now. Hearing people say “I’m not having kids because I’m accomplishing all these things” just makes me feel worse for not having kids AND not being ambitious.

I’m not having kids because I know how much work they are, how expensive they are, and how important having a healthy support system is in order to give the child the environment they need to grow into a happy and healthy adult. I have too much debt, haven’t been able to find a stable partner to pursue having children with, and am estranged from my family.

There are more reasons for being childless than just “being too ambitious” and I honestly don’t think I’m the only person in this boat.

[carolynb.]

My childless plan for old age is to be the rich aunt that all my nieces and nephews are nice to so I'll leave them my fortune. And that's how I'll make sure I'm taken care of! Lol

[arnettrabaker]

As a 41 year-old, single and child-free (both by choice), woman, I’ve often been questioned about my life choices, even condescended to with ‘but you deserve to be happy’ as if the only way a woman can be happy is by having a romantic relationship with a man and being a mother. It’s so refreshing to hear the viewpoints and experiences of other child free (by choice) women; thanks TFD for making me feel not quite so alone today.

[cv]

I am 45 and child-free, not by choice. And not because of fertility issues but because I've never had a long-lasting relationship (not for lack of trying), and I didn't want to have children alone. Not to mention that when doing things like freezing my eggs would have been optimal (around my mid-20's), I could not have afforded to. And now that I can, it's biologically a little too late. For me, when people press me about why I didn't have kids, it's hurtful because I DID want them. It just didn't happen for me. Neither did finding love. When I was in my 20s I didn't much mind these questions because I figured I had time to find a guy, get married, have kids. But now? When people ask me about kids, it just pours salt into the wound. And having friends with kids say things like, "I had no idea what love was until I had children, " basically implying that I'll always be some kind of half person is insulting, even though they don't realize that's what they're doing. In most other ways, I'm very happy. I have a great career, wonderful friends, a close-knit family. I travel, I volunteer, I enjoy life. But this is one scab I wish the world would stop picking at.

[th-ckvl]

I never wanted kids, but seeing how it's always the mother who ends up sacrificing her career and freedom for the child had me firm in my belief. My sister in law had two kids, and my brother just expected her to quit her job as a district manager and stay home with them. He didn't even have a job then, so there was no telling if they'd have enough money. It just wasn't even a question he's like "when are you gonna quit your job?" I don't want that to happen to me. It's not fair. Even when mother's work, their pay goes down while father's go up. I can't be okay with being the only one to sacrifice. Especially when men seem to not even appreciate it, or anything you do at home. And seeing as how big of a risk it is, leaving yourself financially vulnerable like that, it's just not worth it. Society expects the world of us and gives us little in return.

[АнастасияШалимова-хк]

My dad called me "a dead branch on a family tree"
Thanks, love you too