5 Things You Should Never Say To Your Spouse

Sometimes, we overlook the importance of being cautious of the words that we say, especially to the people closest to us. In this episode, I share with you 5 things you must avoid saying to your spouse to help keep your relationship healthy.

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Dr. Paul Jenkins

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MUSIC
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Track: Kisma - We Are [NCS Release]
Music provided by NoCopyrightSounds.
Licensed under Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0

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Video by Nate Woodbury

#LiveOnPurpose
#PositiveParenting

[devikabhargava]

Your spouse is the person with whom you are not related by blood but still spend your life with him/her. We need to constantly be invested in the relationship.

[AS-gexf]

My husband and I are sitting together watching this video! We are guilty of a few of these things and wow, when you realise it and then you work at not saying these things; everything changes! It improves before, during and after! So grateful. Many thanks all the way from Australia 🙂

[taraox]

Really great, because I don't even know where to start after so much fighting.

[janedoh]

1. Never use the word never or always in an argument. It psychologically triggers and causes the other person to get defensive.
2. “I don’t care” or “whatever.” It communicates apathy.
3. “This is all your fault” or “because of you.” Try not to blame yourself or the other. It destroys productive communication and negotiation mode.
4. “It’s nothing.” It’s the passive aggressive silent treatment. It’s hostile and portrays that you’re not a team.
5. “I’m done” or “I can’t go on like this.” Don’t say anything that suggests divorce because it suggests that you are done with them, done with the relationship. You will exhaust yourself trying to decide everyday if you’re committing to the relationship or not. It’s less stressful and easier to just commit 100% and work at communication and mutual respect.
*vocabulary matters greatly.
*Try not to say anything negative or counterintuitive in the heat of the moment, as you will likely regret it later and could possibly forever change the relationship dynamic.

[stevestegman]

Thank you, Dr.Paul I find this so very useful for this in my own marrige, for its so very right.God bless .

[cdo]

It’s sort of easier not say those things when we’re in a normal or happy mode. Once stress & physical tiredness hit, I find it hard to control then regret later.

[myopinion]

Any advice on dealing with in laws that are mean to you but want you to apologize because according to them you are the bad one?

[susannaharget]

1. You never/you always
2. Apathy/I don't care/whatever
3. Victim/blaming mode
4. Saying nothing, or indicating it's not a problem when it really is.
5. Anything that suggests divorce.

Thank you--these are helpful. I would REALLY appreciate a video on "How to discuss sensitive subjects." I haven't found a way yet that doesn't lead to my spouse getting defensive, clamming up, shutting down, and refusing to hear my side, no matter how careful I am with my timing, tone of voice, how gently or casually I bring it up. Not even when I sandwich it between compliments and present it like it's not me versus you, it's me + you versus the problem. Please help!

[melkerner]

1. "I'm not in love with you anymore."
2. "We are never having sex again."
3. "Your needs in our relationship are too much, I'm happy, why can't you just..."
4. "I'm happy just focusing on my love language, while yours doesn't really matter." - (not saying this outright, just demonstrates it daily)
5. "Everyone sees you are miserable, you just aren't cut out to be a parent."

[lordrefrigeratorintercoole]

How bout we add

-Never speak of your ex and the sexualit stuff you did with them to your current love
-Never speak of the time you got a minor STD like crabs, burn that memory like the disease no one wants to hear that.


i hate it when some folks get way to comfortable with me and start telling me way to much from their past.
i lose interest so fast it could probably be a Guinnes world record.

[Mostoich]

MO's wife- Every time I try to communicate with my husband he always finds an excuse to avoid that conversation. He's too tired, it's too late, it's too early, he's gotta go to work, he's at work, it's the weekend. By this time I'm fed up and I start the conversation anyway, whether he likes it or not and whether it's a good time or not and he always says something that seems not only inappropriate, but completely and utterly hurtful! No matter what it is that I am trying to talk to him about he just looks at me and says "it's always about you, isn't it?" I could be talking about the fact that he needs to start pitching in around the house or he forgot to feed the dogs and he still uses that phrase and follows it up with "i'm never allowed to have a bad day am I?" What in the world does he mean by this? Because I can see if I was complaining about him not giving me enough attention or something along those lines but that's not the case. I feel like he doesn't care what it is that I want to talk to him about, he just wants to hurt me and he knows exactly how to do it. He knows that I am not a selfish person so why would he say these things? Is this just his way of trying to end the conversation before it begins? I'm really stumped here, I really need your help. Please advise.

[princessunknown]

Should speak about topic about finance in relationship marriage

[kesiafix]

Way too basic, I like better the ones for children.

[malabuha]

Very nice video... i'm reflecting on my feelings the entire morning.. mainly enjoying the satisfying feeling of appreciation for everything i have. That's the power of the messages you send out there dr. Paul. What a blessing to have you on my feed. Thanks

[Schapezak]

Number 6: "you're not worth it"

[mortiscia]

So, nr 3. What if it actually "is" the other persons "fault", i.e. actions, that cause you grief? I imagine it is not about just keeping quiet but how you say things, but not even my best efforts seem to work. "When you... I feel... and I would like...", I find this is roughly what people advise you to say but still (even with total calmness) it generally comes over as blame to my spouse and I often get "What about you??" and a long rant that takes over the discussion. After ten years of this (and I am not perfect either, which is why I watch your videos) I am very near the end of my rope. If "nothing" constructive works, what is left to try?

[lauramaeslack]

I wish I had the chance to sit down with you, with my husband, and our kids. You have so much insight, and I really appreciate all of your tips. You have personally helped me to think about my "garbage vs gold" words, consequences, the way my body language is speaking with my kids, and just now how I must make my husband feel sometimes when I speak to him in frustration. Thank you so much. Maybe one day we will get to meet you! :)

[objoyful]

"Spouse, I don't care. I never did. As always it is your fault. Because of you I'm done."

[adamkazan]

"You look good in that dress."

[katherinelydon]

Your videos are so helpful. Practical advice