6 Signs You Had Emotionally Immature Parents

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Do you wonder whether you were raised by emotionally immature parents? If you were, then it's likely had an impact on your mental or emotional wellbeing as an adult now. Here I talk about specifically what emotionally immature parenting looks like and give you really specific examples so that you can get more clarity about whether or not you had emotionally immature parents.

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#emotional
#mentalhealth
#childhoodtrauma

[robertblake]

"The worse part of growing up is finding out your parents never did."

[antonboludo]

The worst thing is when they make you assume the role of parenting them whilst you yourself are still a child.

[lesliengo]

I think immature parents stem from not being taught how to handle situations maturely. Instead, they pass on what they have learnt from their own parents. I am glad we are changing that here.

[karenroy]

Both my parents were raised by narcissistic parents, they passed this on to me and my brother. They were both so disconnected from us that we had to fend for ourselves. Learn the hard lessons of life in unhealthy ways. Now I am undoing all this behavior and its not easy

[pastsubstance]

It’s the lack of acknowledgement that gets me. The fact that they say they “tried my best” and that “we’re not perfect” instead of recognizing the pain I went through because of it. I’m not even asking much when all I want is a sorry.

[chrisdigitalartist]

Hi Julia! Senior Shifter Chris here!

I appreciate this video as I know my parents aren't emotionally mature.

My one takeaway is about them invalidating my feelings or thoughts about my problems. Sometimes even to the point where they teased me amd showed no real empathy or compassion..

Here are my notes:


1. If things didn't go your parents' way, they acted like children.
• They threw a tantrum
• Threw fits and called names
• Yelled and explosive.
• Pouted or silent treatment
• Blaming other people or you.
• Bad mouthed other people behind their back.


2. When you came to them for support and they found a way to make it about themselves.
• They either talk about how your problem impacts them or they just talk about a similar problem they went though but not in an empathic and encouraging way.

3. If your parent(s) came to you for support.
• They talked about their marriage.
• Work problems, sex problems, struggles with friends...etc...
• As a child, this was not okay to unload major life issues on to you.
• They came to you like a counsellor or coach.
• Parents' responsibility to let them come to you and not the other way around.

4. When you came to them with a problem, they invalidated it.
• "You shouldn't complain about that. There are people who go through so much worse."
• "That's not a big deal. That isn't something you should complain about. You should come up with something to really complain about. There are others in this world who have real problems "
• "How come you are always getting upset with things, you should just let it go. Learn to be tougher. Don't let things get to you. "

5. You had an underlying feeling that it was not okay for you to spend time with friends or extended family members.
• You couldn't do things with other people because your parents would be jealous if you spent time outside of the immediate family and even felt threatened.
• Parents would make remarks about you spending time with other people and not with them.


6. If they told you that you owe them for all they do for you.
• "You owe me for this" or "I gave you a roof over your head."
• Different than them telling you need to help out (responsibilities or chores).
• You don't owe them for then giving you basic needs and responsibilities. It is not a favor.
• Emotional blackmail.

Conculsion: How can this impact us as adults?

• Give us aniexty, depression, low self-esteem or self-worth.
• Question who we are and not know who we are. We can't trust who we are is good enough.
Feel like we have to be or act like someone else in order to be loved or worthy of approval.

[NSEasternShoreChemist]

Sometimes emotionally immature parents can be compulsive "fixers" too. Or play the "hero" role. That's my mom -- not a bad person overall but gets horribly uncomfortable when I or someone else in the family isn't okay.

[frederickwee]

Feel disgusted because i see many of these traits in my own mother

[colorlessoz]

1. When things didn't go their way they threw tantrums, called names, yelled, pouted, gave the silent treatment, ghosted you. Blamed others/you. Bad mouthed the people that maybe changed plans.

2. When you were going through something hard or stressful and went to them, they made it about themselves. Then you comfort them..

3.your parents often confided in you with their problems. Adult problems, marriage problems, emotional problems, and you feel that need to fix that.

4. When you came to them with a problem they invalidated it. They try to make you let it go. Or not feel it. You feel shut down or alone. Misunderstood or unheard

5. A feeling it wasn't ok for you to spend time with friends or other friends. And you needed to spend time with them. Or you hesitate to bring friends over. You don't get to do things with other people like they're jealous you're friends with other people.

6. If they ever told you that you owed them for all they did for you.

[antonboludo]

The only reason I made you is that you can be a servant to me when I am older.

[b.santos]

"Tell me you know my mom without telling me you know my mom." 😂

[gojiberry]

Wow. That's exactly what my mother did to me when I started talking about my sexual abuse from my brother. My mom wasn't even involved and she started saying, "What are people are going to say about me? What are all my friends going to think? You didn't think about the feelings of all the people I know! Why didn't you think of ME?" Funny that she wasn't worried about what MY friends would think of ME (which I wasn't worried about, since they were friends).

[CedrickBagley]

This was sooo triggering. Literally every example happened to me.

[eliferdogan]

Kristina! You have helped me grow up and change my life in just 2 months of watching your videos.. this has had a knock-on affect to those around me.. I will forever be grateful..

I could write so much more..

Your humour is the cherry on top!

Love from a Turkish English person in Manchester, UK xxx

[parshantsharma]

I am going to breakthrough the crap holding you back😂😂😂😂

[steblair]

What’s terrible, is growing up with two emotionally immature parents, an abusive alcoholic father and mother cared for him then how he made me feel, growing up.
Now I’m a mom, and see how much of a negative impact they had on my life. And I’m refusing to let my kids be raised like that.
I’m really screwed up and didn’t realize how screwed up I was until I had kids and saw how much I can’t control myself and don’t want them to experience what I went through.
I’m in therapy right now, and struggling with everything.
Sometimes I wish my kids had a better mom then me because I love them so much and know they deserve better.

[jaylaw.]

You are a really, really great therapist Julia and I support you wholeheartedly. You deserve the world and it’s so evident you’ve worked on yourself and done all your healing. I know your spouse (and parents) are proud. Respect you,
Jayla W.

[jaylaw.]

This is really heartbreaking to think these are the type of people responsible for giving life.😩💔 Sadly, it makes me fill with rage thinking of all the things my parents told me. It’s sick!

[Marekcatholic]

Thank you Julia for this video! its a great one. Im just learning to accept my parents the way they are.

[Datb]

Omg I told my mom I was stressed out about school and she said go ahead and drop out and that i was bothering her coming to her. Smh