How to Talk to Someone With Dementia

Learn how to communicate with someone with cognitive loss, Alzheimer's, or dementia.

Presenter: Diana Waugh, BSN, RN, CDP

Nationally renowned memory care consultant Diana Waugh shares her personal experience and the mistakes she made as a caregiver for her mother. During this intimate conversation with caregivers who are struggling and need help in caring for their loved ones with dementia, Diana shares effective ways to avoid the "traps" caregivers often fall into when trying to communicate with their loved ones. She encourages caregivers to engage all the senses when talking with loved ones in order to have more effective conversations. Diana believes we must set aside expectations and learn how to interact with our loved ones based on how they are now, not how they used to be.

These recommendations as well as specific examples are also found in the second edition of her popular book, “I Was Thinking…Unlocking the Door to Successful Conversations with Loved Ones with Cognitive Loss.”

#Dementia #CognitiveLoss #ElderCare #DementiaCare #alzheimerscare #mmlearn #dementiacaregiver #seniorcare #eldercare

[joejoseph]

Im a nursing student from the 1990's. When I was learning we were taught to provide reality reorientation with each approach. In my first job as a RN after graduation I worked in a nursing home. I did what I was taught and provided reality reorientation until I realized how pointless it was. When an 80 y/o farmer is trying to get out of bed over the handrails at 2am because he has to get up to go milk the cows, there isnt any amount of reorientation that is going to help that. In fact, in many cases I pissed these people off because here is this 22 year old man in what they think is their bedroom telling them "No Sir you are in a nursing home and its 2am and you need to go back to sleep". I mean, who in the hell wants to be told they are in a nursing home? I finally learned to just go with it. Id act surprised and look at my watch and say, "Oh shit, we're gonna be late, we better get your clothes on". If I had to Id get him up and dressed then send them off down the hallway. After he walked down the hall few times I knew his short term memory had expired and I would approach him with a surprised face on and say, "Well arent you up late tonight, but you know its 2am, we should probably be getting to bed if we are going to milk those cows on time this morning", and back to bed he would go. I mean I dont if thats all ethical and what not, but its better than trying to have a fight with a man about something that ultimately doesnt matter and just do whats needed to respect him and his dignity, while also keeping him safe from injury.

[cindym.]

My dad was a commercial airline pilot. He can't remember much anymore, but if you get him talking aircraft, glide path, airport approaches and all that stuff, he perks right up!

[lauranorwar]

I remember walking into a facility once to visit a friend. One of the patients walked up to a staff member and exclaimed “I’m here...I’m ready to start work!” The staff member didn’t miss a beat. She looked into the woman’s eyes, took her hand, and said “oh! I’m so glad you’re here!!” They smiled at each other for a moment and the patient walked away with a sense of purpose. Ready to start “work.” It was beautiful.

[nwunder]

One more comment on this topic: "Maya Angelou — 'I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.'"

[Cayuse]

Your discussion on the Bible was interesting. I taught Bible studies since I became a Christian in 1977 and still do even though I have had Dementia for I think 7-8 years. What amazed me is I can still teach it, remembering where the scriptures are, but can't remember any of the students' names. I put it down to when I studied the Bible all these years, I would pray the LORD would put it deep down in my spirit. Not in my brain, but in my Spirit and that is where the memories come from.

[locs_bjuicy]

In my 21 yrs of working with dementia I found that kindness, patience, and compassion is the major key factors, without any of these 3 components you will be unable to deal with anyone with this disease. Oh and lots of praying.🙏🏽
S/O to all caregivers out there! May GOD bless and strengthen you.

[CharlieMorningstar]

They taught us this when I worked on the memory care units at work. We often would have a guy who would tell us that he had to go find his car, so we'd take him for a walk to find his car. The hardest part is family who keeps trying to correct the person, confusing and angering them. You just have to let them live in their world.

[jackiecarter]

The best advice I’ve heard, go with them into their world. If they think there is a bathroom where there’s not, say “oh that bathroom’s full. Let’s use this other one.”

[joyceanderson]

When I was about 19 I had a client that had memory loss. I washed and rolled her hair as she entertained me with stories from when she was in her 20s. I knew naturally just to listen to her and join her world. I enjoyed listening to her. After I was finished her daughter told me everything she was telling me was true but it was 50 years ago. Honestly she had great stories of her interesting life. She was back there in time 100%. Lovely lady.💜💜🌸🌸💐

[cheshirecat]

I knew my mom didn't know who I was...she looked at me as if she was trying to remember, and I didn't want to put her on the spot. Also, I didn't want to know that she didn't. I could tell she knew I was important to her, and felt comfortable with me, and I made that enough. I also didn't tell her she was in hospice. I told her she was in a part of the hospital where they did physical therapy and recovery. I didn't want to scare her. She passed after I told her she could go, and that I was sorry for anytime I hurt her or disappointed her, and that when my time came, I wanted HER to come to take me, because I loved her so much.

[Asherz]

This lady is extremely emotionally intelligent the way she's able to speak and relate to so many different people is such an underated skill not many of us have that or can learn it easy. She's exactly the type of person you would want caring for your loved ones

[cremagic]

Music!! Music brings back memories so beautifully. My mother was suffering from dementia and I when I sat with her near the end we sang hymns and her favorite song over and over... and she knew me when I sang, “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” She would smile and sing along with me. I will never forget that.🥰💕

[hibarb]

I remember my grandma when she had dementia she would come round our place and help set the table but everything was in the wrong place and we didn't tell her it wasn't correct we just put things in the right order after she was done and never corrected her because I think she had a hard time accepting her dementia in the moments she realised her condition. She was the kindest person on the planet and she's long left her body, but I felt her presence at the funeral and haven't stopped talking with her since. Just because we can't see her with our physical eyes anymore, doesn't mean she's gone to me. Her spirit is always smiling now.

[amazinggrace]

Mom used to say “good-bye for now”. Until our last phone call when she was dying... then she said just “good-bye”. At her memorial service I ended my tribute by looking upward and telling mom “good-bye for now”. My daughters tribute ended with her reminding the family to be kind. My daughter died one month later. We had four family deaths in a 12 month period. Thank you for posting this video. I plant to write down my smells, songs, stories, etc for the future so that my caregivers have the cues that will work for me. Much love. 💕🐝 #Bee Kind.

[maxineamon]

My best friend got dementia at 55. Having now watched this video, I now realise I did all these things instinctively and protected her from others who just blurted out very unhelpful questions. And then got upset or confused by her response. When this happened I would just drive the conversation away from the awkward and uncomfortable by butting in with a less confronting non-sequitur. Sometimes I had to be very forceful.
I moved to another part of the country so last year got to see her again after 4 years. She had been institutionalised by then and I realised she had lost so much. I had no expectations. I brought a bunch of spring flowers and just chatted quietly about them while looking kindly at her and trying to find a connection. We spent quiet time as well as my chatting away quietly. I added a little touching ensuring it wasn't uncomfortable for her or was unwanted. After 2 hours there was a glimmer and then a sparkle of flickering recognition while I was chatting about our two sons being friends when they were boys. I know she connected at that moment and that was special. Toward the end we both gained a lot from a few deep hugs.
So for her it was mostly two hours with an undemanding stranger who kept her company. But then we also had that one very special moment between us. I have been looking forward to being able to visit again. Hopefully later this year. Again, I will have no expectations but will just be grateful that I can have that time with her.
Another thing, feeling sorry for my friend does neither her or me any good so I do my best not to let those feelings linger.

[fishl]

As a 94 year young kid, I am amazed how you are reading my my mind and my actions. Your advice is prophetic. I "fake it" to it makes it work. Physical and mental exercise plus a nap during the day makes all the effort worthwhile. Having a wonderful, helpful and caring Sally has kept me going. I'm sending this video to my family and dear friends.

[susanmacaluso]

Thank you for covering the "Do you remember...?" question [24:00]. As a palliative caregiver for ten years to many comfort care residents who were *also* experiencing dementia, I often found that the visiting families would start conversations this way. In their case, they knew their loved one was actively dying, and they wanted desperately to connect over shared memories as a way of saying goodbye. We would do our best to guide them in rephrasing the memories, i.e. "I remember that time you..." rather than..."Do you remember the time you..." Very glad you included this!

[ambercochrane]

I have worked on a dementia ward for 10 years. This lady said it perfectly. Thankyou.

[frankialthuas]

I am caregiving for my 82 year old mom.
I am sad because I have been doing things wrong.
I am going to take the lessons I have learned with this video and make my mom's life better. Thank you ❤️

[estheranthony]

What an empathetic, gifted, intuitive educator. I'm not sure why YouTube recommended this but I'm very glad I watched it. Definitely worth re-watching so as to master the way to successfully and compassionately communicate with persons suffering from memory loss.