What TO SAY to Someone Who's Struggling

When a friend or family member opens up to us about something tough they're going through it can be really hard to know what to do or say. How can we show them that we're there for them? How do we let them know we support them? What can we say that will help?

It's tough to know what they need from us in those moments so sometimes we don't end up saying anything for fear of saying the wrong thing, or we say something that's makes the person shut down or get defensive - also not helpful.

In this video I teach you several helpful and supportive things you can say to help a loved one who's going through something tough.
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[juliakristinamah]

What can someone say to you when you're struggling that's helpful?

[dayzm]

Things to say:
- I'm sorry that this happened.
- How are you feeling?
- How can I support you?
- What do you need to hear from me?
- I wish I had the right words.
- Tell me more.
- I'm here for you.
And remember: Listen, listen, just listen (you can offer advice but if they don't want it, accept it)

[hopesf]

NOT immediately going to their own "semi- parallel" experience. When a person does that to me, I just immediately stop sharing, because for whatever reason, they are not going to be able to be supportive. I realize that at times I, also have begun to do that, as a way of letting them know "I understand " but, I now know that just letting them speak their own truth, is honoring them and giving them space. Recently I was talking with a man whose wife had had a very early miscarriage. Because that had also happened to me years ago, I was tempted to tell him that. But somewhere inside of me, I felt restrained. He just needed me to listen to his sadness.

[MollyHowze]

Thank you for this 💜The simplest thing anyone can say to me since my daughter died is I don't know what to say but I'm here. And if anyone says her name it is the sweetest sound. However no one ever does. I am on a mission to change how grievers are supported.💔

[Marie-veml]

I was dealing with something difficult that I was hiding from family and friends for a year. A friend of mine reached out to me and I told her that I needed some time and that I'd contact her when I was ready. She respected that which I appreciated. When I finally opened up to that friend, she told me : I understand; I am glad that you told me about it; How can I help you with this? I was happily surprised when she asked me how can I help you with this? It's the 1st time in my life someone reacted this way. Usually in my past my family would tell me the things NOT to say (you shouldn't be feeling this way, just think positive, focus on what you do have....). People would tell me bad advice...When I shared my feelings with my family I told them that I just wanted them to listen, that I didn't want their advice, they still gave me a little bit of advice they couldn't help it, but I don't listen to people's bad advice

[debbiecootware]

Ministers refer to this as the ministry of presence. It is very powerful. Sometimes it is just sitting with someone.

[natashadziesinski]

"Tell me more" is definitely helpful. Love that one! My bestie always says "Talk to me." That's pretty much the same thing. Then I know she wants to hear what I have to say. Great video Julia all of these are great!

[Mistymegaccinomoments]

Being reminded that I am not an anomaly and my situation was not an anomaly was so healing.

[fatimasamira]

”what do you need to hear from me?" Love this one!

[NenaLavonne]

1000% yes! ♥️ Being an active listener, only offering advice if it is asked for, and showing support without being intrusive. So often we can aggravate the problem, even when our hearts are in the right place. Beautiful and helpful video! ♥️

[Cheryskul]

Tysm for this video. For so long I have brought myself down because of how useless I feel when I can't help anyone when they need help. This has taught me more. I also thank you so much for creating this helpful channel!

[alejandroaragones]

Hi Julia, I choose to comment this video because is very recent (in fact is the first time in my life I comment a video) but I want to refer to your work and teachings in general, which I discovered 2 weeks ago. Your message is absolutely wonderful and is having a ver powerful effect in my life. Really! I am a 60 years old man with a very good education. I have studied the classics in depth, I have lived in Asia and studied Taoism Buddhism, etc. The Stoics have been very influential in my world view and my moral education. (You mentioned Seneca in one of your videos!) In recent years I have discovered the relevance of Stoicism in present day tendencies. I admire the film Gladiator. Watching a very good analysis of this film (how ideal manhood handles the brutality of life) I discovered, two months ago, Jordan Peterson. I started watching his videos with great admiration. Then I discovered Gabor Mate, with his message of healing and freeing oneself from our past. And then I discovered you!!! I really congr!atulate you for the clarity, empathy, compassion and also your moral and intellectual authority. You are having a huge impact and I watch you every day.
I think one of the main dimensions in human life is Redemption. Gladiator is about redemption from tyranny and injustice. And your work (one way to look at it) as well as the others is redemption from our weak inferior self to reach our higher, purer, wiser and truer self. Only when we are truly strong and clear about ourselves can be we truly generous and compassionate and be aligned with our destiny. With true admiration and thanks for your amazing task. Don´t give up Julia! Alejandro from Argentina

[reignofaragon]

"Let it all out" has helped me.

[gentlebutch]

I like when people let me know that they are there and ask what they can do. It is very helpful to me.

[Beno]

It was almost fate that this video showed up in my recommended. I watched it a few days ago and as it turns out a friend of mine had some relationship troubles so i came back to this to make sure I knew what to do. Before long Im sure I will have a flowchart of your videos to follow in times of crisis <3

[ErikaK]

Showing support and always letting them know that they can count on us no matter what, that we are there to listen, to support them, to show some love and caring... sometimes all that they really need is someone to talk to, to express their feelings and knowing that there is someone there, that they are not alone, that they can find the strength to overcome this difficult situation...

[junniealvinbagravante]

I'm very thankful that i found your channel i wish i am able to understand my partner who suffers uncertain stress or i think depression because of her past. Thank youu pls make more videos and don't stop helping others.

[Mando_Starkiler]

Been waiting for this video! Thank you!

[izawaniek]

Great advice, very informative. Thank you.

[alika]

I can understand why you are feeling this way. Or, I probably would feel that way too.