How to Respond When Someone Belittles You: Confidence Tips

Ever had someone put you down, but you weren’t sure how to respond? You don’t need to get defensive or fire back. There’s a better way.

In this episode, I’m sharing 3 strategies to handle belittling comments with confidence and control.

These strategies will help you stay calm, avoid escalating the situation, and hold your ground when someone tries to belittle you.

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[ShazWag]

I recently received a remark that was clearly intended to hurt me. My reply after looking at them silently for a few seconds was, "I hope you realise that saying something like that, that's clearly intended to try and hurt me, actually says more about you than it does about me." I said it calmly and in a matter-of-fact way. A short silence followed, then I left the room. Maybe it was the wrong thing, I don't know, but it felt right at the time, and they didn't respond. They did, however, look a bit stunned

[whereinthehellarewewill]

My husband over drinks. I ran through what he said to me in front of many of our friends. He apologized and said ‘that must have made you feel terrible’ I told him ‘it didn’t. It did however show your character’ that stunned him.

[sharonmierau]

Hey Jefferson: For those of us who need repetition to learn, you have succeeded for me to stop others from belittling me.
1. Ask for them to repeat
2. Ask for intent
3. Silence

Thanks😅

[bobbullethalf]

Silence usually works, but the ego in people will never cease to amaze me.

[gyorgybernard]

Capable, generous men do not create victims, they nurture victims. You're a good egg Mr Fisher.

[suraya]

My cousin & I used to be best friends. We had a disagreement, I calmly stated my opinion, & her reply was a sneering, "You're just like your mother", clearly intended as an insult. (My mother, a lovely woman, had died a few years earlier. My mom's older sister (my cousin's mother) was a back-stabbing, 2 faced narcissist, & I had been slowly realizing, looking back on all the times she screwed me over, & even admitted she was jealous of me, that my cousin was vy much like her mother, but I never said anything). So, although I knew she meant it as an insult, I replied, smiling, "Oh! Well, thank you!". But she had to make sure I was hurt, so she twisted the knife, & actually said, w/ a straight face, "It wasn't meant as a compliment." I didn't flinch, calmly got up, walked to the door, and casually, without a glance back, said " Have a nice life", & walked out. I haven't spoken to her in the 10 years since.
By then, I'd gotten tired of allowing horrible ppl into my life, bcs I didn't have boundaries. I woke up that day, and am glad I finally did.

[janniechoquette]

I have a gf that often says things that either hurt or make me feel inferior. I used these 3 steps just yesterday and she was stunned. While i dont think it was a life changing moment for her, i felt great. Her two grown daughters and my daughter were there and they all told me later that they are going to follow your advice too! Thanks for the empowerment.

[deannastokes]

Jefferson, I am a retired 79 yr old woman that has spend years in the business world. I really enjoy listening to you and learning new skills of communication even at my age. I hope more younger people find you while they are working. Thank you for taking opportunity to learn more.

[Deborah-uwip]

When someone insults or belittles me, I fall silent....because I'm too stunned to think of a response. But I guess it works Lol But thanks for the competent responses!

[tanyatressler]

Great advice! Thank you! I am 74, my 54 year old son has issues and he loves putting me down..I am too old, annoying, and so forth when I am the sweetest person ever! My teenage grandson steps in and tells his dad to knock it off. I would get upset and teary eyed but now I feel STRONG! Yes! I will do like you suggest..I am now excited and hope he starts his nonsense today because I am READY! By the way, you have kind eyes and great smile ❤

[Haberdashery]

People who insult others need to be told. Some might change some might never change!
I just remember, when I was 9, being horrible to a very quiet girl in my class. Eventually she told her parents who told the school and my teacher took me aside and gave me a really strong dressing down.
I was so ashamed of myself and would apologise to her properly now if I could. 70 years later!
You need to deal with a bully or someone who puts you down, from the outset.
I honestly have not intentionally hurt or bullied anyone since.

[Tcg]

Boy I wish I knew this when I was in grade school!!

[sharonlain]

When people show you who they are. believe them. Yes, some people intend to hurt and belittle you. I don’t negotiate with terrorists . If it’s in business, stay calm and carry on. Don’t react. I’m a 70 year old and your skin gets thicker. Enjoy every day no matter what. Life is short. Don’t let people get in your head. It’s not easy but practice and you’ll get stronger ⭐️

[robinanderson]

I think asking to repeat the comment is better, at times, than staying silent because some people take the silence as their comment is true. I am definitely trying the repeat the comment the next time I’m belittled. That’s an awesome response! Thank you!

[alimccreery]

I came to the realization that most if not all the individuals that I had for friends were toxic and so I went no contact and blocked. I feel good about my decision and I have a clearer picture as to why I’ve made bad decisions regarding my relationships. It’s like a weight has been lifted off me. 👍👍

[ginamaclachlan]

Hello Jefferson, I have always been the person that when insulted or belittled, didn’t know what to do. I just stand there and take it and feel stupid. I guess I’m an easy target . Your podcast today is empowering. When these little hurtful comments come again, and I know that they will, I have tools to use without being hurtful back. Thank you

[sheilaking]

Great advice. I was workplace bullied twice, I didn’t know how to respond so stayed silent. Their vileness stunned me into silence. I’m now careful who I mix with but I still come across this nastiness. Thanks for teaching me how to respond.

[debbiecloer]

I listen to you every day and you have helped me in so many ways; in just daily conservations with my family as well as my staff in my restaurant. Your ways of using words has been amazing and gives me more respect for myself and causes less conformations that could get out of hand. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[dianawortman]

I'm deeply positioned into my sixties and have taken verbal abuse from people I love and strangers a like for as long as I can remember. Many comments have left me emotionally hemorrhaging since childhood. Example: Have you ever heard the expression "hit with an ugly stick"? Not only was this expression said to me but in front of others, and expanded upon to "not merely HIT with an ugly stick, she was BEATEN with it!" Everyone laughed. I was between ten and twelve at the time. I was a very quiet and meek child. I remember being ashamed of who I was and responed by exiting the room as if I were deserving of such a remark. Obviously, I had been verbally/emotionally battered for a long time. How can a precious child protect themselves without encouraging even more verbal abuse? With that one example, I try to leave a kind word to others before I leave. I suppose I assume everyone has been exposed to hurtfulness and want to express appreciation/positivity to others. I often will will tell someone after they have assisted me in some fashion that "I appreciate them" or that what they have offered me was "valuable or appreciated!" Am I weak? Do I need professional help? All I know is that when I see photos of myself as a child, I cry sometimes. I wasn't ugly at all. I was someone's precious daughter or just a sweet little girl. One positive thing (I think) that came from those experiences was that I don't see what others must see. I can find beauty in everyone. No matter if circumstances may have left someone's body disfigured. What are other sincere, kind words that I can offer to make others that might have had a rough day, week, or year know they are valued?
I have grown stronger than that meek child. Sadly, hateful and ugly comebacks spewed from my mouth until I developed/toughened enough to gather my wit's about me.

[mermiefasmart]

Thank you. I used this on an acquaintance who publicly ridiculed me for my political preference. He immediately backed down and treated me with respect. Other people definitely observed and the result calmed my nerves. Thank you again and again.