3 Coping Skills For Insecurity That DON’T Work (And One That Does!)

Insecurity is a universal human experience, not a personal failing. Most coping methods actually reinforce insecurities rather than resolving them.

Embracing insecurities as identity reinforces negative thoughts. Denying weaknesses leads to reality harshly exposing them. Overcompensating through impression management is exhausting.

I'll show you how to overcome insecurity through incremental self-improvement. Facing insecurities through gradual exposure therapy diminishes their power.

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00:00 Coping with Insecurity: Understanding Common Pitfalls
04:21 The Pitfalls of Denying Insecurities
08:38 The Pitfalls of Overcompensation in Dealing with Insecurity
12:42 Effective Coping: Addressing Insecurities Through Skill Development
16:46 Effective Strategy: Incremental Skill Development to Overcome Insecurities

Disclaimer: This content is not intended to be a replacement for receiving treatment. It is purely educational in nature. My relationship with you is that of presenter and audience, not therapist and client.

But I do care.

[Liz-wzdh]

You're one of the few therapists who actually admits that certain techniques therapists tell you to use just don't work. I got tired of therapists years ago giving bad advice.

[rianbene]

In a world that social media influences the way that you think, I'm thankful that YouTube recommended your videos, you're helping me to know myself

[oldschool]

Never once thought you had big ears Dr Scott!

[jadeybabes]

My worst 'habit ' with insecurity is being a 'doormat' I guess. I'm so nice, accommodating and considerate to people so they like me that I let them walk all over me. I guess this is number 3# over compensation

[sanataj]

#1 - We call what you are describing 'Putting yourself down' or 'running yourself down'. I have done it since the age of 11 at high school. I was so anxious and insecure there, I started to try and toughen up by insulting myself so I would appear to be able to laugh to myself and not be affected by poor treatment by others. 50 years later it is part of me and I am criticised for doing it. Nobody cares how I feel and what I am going through. But I am always seeking reassurance for my self-doubt. That leads to my being rejected and unwanted and I can't perform in jobs.

[stevec]

Insecurities trigger us to shrink from them. Those without much mental health baggage dive right in to the challenge and start to learn. Very small steps forward do add up. We can all do that. An exception is if excess outside pressure ads to the insecurity, such as having a demanding person over us complaining about a lack of skill...and offering no guidance at all (as in a toxic workplace).

[ericar]

If people are talking about your hair, they have nothing else to do. Get over it, you are so great for providing these videos. You're an amazing human being.

[heatherwiner]

I am insecure about 90 percent in life and especially at work and social situations. But, I like your advice.

[arabellacox]

Borderline Personality Disorder - it felt like prison in my head when I was in a relationship last year. I was consumed with insecurity & jealousy. I just can't do relationships. It's very sad. Complex PTSD from childhood is the cause and it's very hard to put right, can't ever imagine being 'normal' or 'secure' in this lifetime.

[LostGirlAt]

Please make a video about how to deal with our inner thoughts keep telling us we can't do stuff even when ourself know that we actually can, very struggling with this one, always love how you explain things, full of compassion and no judgement

[iannorton]

My dad was the person who gave me the most insecurities; basically, he was a bully and constantly critical of the way I looked and everything I did. I've got a friend who criticises me and has no qualms about doing so. If I object, he tells me I'm being oversensitive. My sister and my niece also make fun of certain aspects of my character, in that I'm quite clumsy. Nobody has any awareness that these things hurt me. Yes, I am sensitive, insecure and severely lacking in confidence. I struggle in social situations, at work (although I'm currently unemployed) and have never had a successful relationship. I'm 61 y.o., so it's been going on a long time.

[maggiemondo]

There is no doubt you are a handsome chap with a talent for conveying life strategies to overcome/get ahead with mental stuff which trips us all up. Thank you.

[CyndieAmala]

Aw you're adorable Dr. Scott 💗 who's trolling you!? 😡 Let me at em!

[purrsephone]

I'm much older and retired. I find the thing that seems to have helped me most is being permanently away from the people who hurt me. That wasn't always possible when I was younger and working for a living. I'm becoming comfortable with myself and beginning to understand what held me back from reaching my potential. Another thing that's helped me a lot is finding a good friend. I'm an introvert, and I feel that just the experience of living and learning is worthwhile in and of itself.

[RachelBatemon]

Scott, I by chance came across your YouTube video and watched. I haven’t always been a huge fan of therapy but after watching just one video, I am excited now to work on certain areas of my life that perhaps I wouldn’t have before. You have a very great way of disseminating information that’s honest, heartfelt and very instructive. I have always felt that in counseling I didn’t connect with my counselors. My perception was that I was talked down to; that they thought I was incapable of understanding psychology philosophy or perhaps since I have a mental illness I didn’t have the intelligence level needed to understand the methods, etc. Thank you for not only the coaching you provide but the actual therapy methods being used. I can then research them myself and come to a better understanding. Thank you.

[scotscub]

The first one is useful for deflecting if someone is being rude or trying to pick at your insecurity maliciously. It can be helpful to smile then repeat the comment back but magnify it. If I don't do this I just fall to pieces.😂 I'm aware of my insecurities and this makes me feel more in control of the interaction. I absolutely find Dr. Eilers work incredibly though. 😊

[vikendarakjian]

From my own example I was ashamed to tell people that I don’t know how to ride a bicycle and that haunted me for decades. Every time the people wanted you to plan a fun activity that included cycling I would come up with all kinds of hideous excuses one of them was “oh I’m too drunk to ride a bicycle now” until the day being older than 35 years I had the courage to learn how to ride it … but my life took a sharp turn to the worse and there is nobody left in my life to do such activities with 🤷‍♂️🙄😢

[susanmercurio]

I had a "boyfriend" in West Virginia who was proud that he couldn't read or write. Obviously he didn't have a good vocabulary.
Finally I told him that people had words for things so that they didn't have to point at things and say "that." Re: learning the names of tools

[bmarie]

❤ Love You and your ears!!!! People, in pain, cause pain!. 64 old lady in Abilene Tx. 🎉🎉 You are the best! You are helping me cope.!!! ADHD, OCD...Infant backseat car exhaust...had to be revived victim. It's been a rollercoaster ride of a life. But YOU have helped! Thank you.

[_Chessa_]

Best video Dr Scott. I’m not crying.. okay I’m totally crying..